Helter Skelter
#1
Helter Skelter
-from Generational Sketches

“Her eyes sparkled with a glisten, but I would not be deceived.”
“If you’ll not help out”, I said, to her “then please! Just ‘Let it be’.”
I knew I’d heard that song before, when I lived out on the coast,
played by The Band, the singer was I think the Holy Ghost.
Left the God and Jesus’ group so he could strut his stuff
he had this one big top ten hit, then things got pretty rough.
He sang, “The music died when someone stole a piece of pie”,
I don’t remember much of it, as usual I was high.
Or was it in the park, a cake, that was left out in the rain,
it’s hard to keep this history straight inside my pickled brain.
Lucy, they said, it hurt the most, saw Holly kiss the sky,
she turned to dope, she couldn’t cope, the day on which John died.
His death, did her depress, said there’s no joy to the world,
and it always comes in threes you know, like Jimi, Jim and Pearl,
along with the preacher Martin and two brothers Bob and Jack
we knew that summer was the end, love wasn’t coming back.
It broke my faith, I did forsake, but still I will not lie,
it was The Fall, I lost the trust for the spirit in the sky.
Then Levon printed toy balloons - saying - God was just a lie,
and there’s no hope to reconcile, unless the others die.
I do concede the spook was right the music was all gone;
only echoes of what once had been, did still linger on.
Left are false memories: something we once thought great,
we were blinded by the deepening fog, and now it is too late.
Even to this day we reminisce, and reminisce and cry,
never able to forget we lost our precious piece of pie.
Except for those who kept the faith, and then they paid the price,
we’d not the leisure to sit and stew, but for their sacrifice.
Tin soldiers then, we were its true, tin soldiers still today,
we never had integrity, unlike them we’d run away.
It mattered not the cause, equality - civil rights.
we cared nothing for the principal, we were fighting just to fight.
It was the time of our rebellion, demarcation close at hand,
we played by ear, those years ago, we never had a plan.
We did so willingly, everything we put to torch,
better to ride that desert wide, astride a man called horse.
So, now the Miller’s tale is told, the Lady’s in her bath,
tiny dancers aren’t your answer, when she begins to laugh.
When you get to the bottom of the top to begin anew this canker’s tale,
there's some remorse for you to pass, of course it’s pass or flail.
So find a mellow yellow fellow, who can really shakes it well,
have him skip the light fandango to a Whiter Shade of Pale.


©2008-2009, revised 2021 erthona

Note bene: This is accentual verse having a varying line length of between 6 and 8 accents or beats per line.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#2
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Hi Dale,
this reads like it was fun to write, but on second reading it becomes rather rambling and incoherent (which might just suit the character of N, but by the end I was desperate for a stronger narrative thread to follow.)

I don't understand the opening line, not who 'she' is nor why she doesn't appear anywhere else in the poem. (Don't think you need 'to her' in L2, feels redundant) 'Sparkled with a glisten' is pretty dire.

L4, played by The Band, I think the singer was the Holy Ghost. ?

L7, can't quite suspend my disbelief enough for this line.

L9, after 'cake' and 'park' 'left out in the rain' seems superfluous.

L11, I assumed the 'Holly' here was Buddy, didn't he 'kiss the dirt'?

L13, 'did her depress' (and the rest of the line) seems to be in a different voice. Surely it would 'bum her out' or something colloquial?

L17, similarly 'I did forsake'.
(bit confused about the significance of 'lost trust for the spirit in the sky' if 'god was dead')

L21, and 'spook' leaves a sour taste.

L24, that 'blinded' isn't followed by 'the light' seems peculiar Smile

L25, Even to this day we reminisce, we reminisce and cry, ?

L29, would Tin Soldiers make a better title?

L35, 'put to torch', put to the torch, surely?

L36, 'astride a man called Horse' caused a bit of a stumble (no Easy Rider reference?)

L37-40, very confused by this verse, what am I missing?

L41-2, 'yellow fellow' is inadvertently problematic, perhaps? And the ending just feels week. It was a long road to, if not nowhere, then not very much.
(I had to break it down into four line stanzas to get a grip on it, maybe I lost something in the process).


Best, Knot


ps What are 'Generational Sketches'?

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#3
Knot,

Thanks for the read and analysis.

What are 'Generational Sketches'?

Generational Sketches are a series of poems about different generational periods that I have been working on. This one is about the 60's.

This poem is basically about allusions from that time period (the 60's) many are song titles or lyrics.

The cake/pie allusion comes from the song "MacArthur Park", but is also an extended metaphor for selfishness, it references how many 60's folks still whine about how great the 60's was, but now it's lost.

"Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!" -- from MacArthur Park.

"(bit confused about the significance of 'lost trust for the spirit in the sky' if 'god was dead')"

This references what happened after the Summer of Love in 1967. A number of people important to the counter culture had died (or been assassinated): Martin Luther King Jr. (Martin); Robert Kennedy (Bob) JFK (Jack);Janis Joplin (pearl);Jimi Hendrix (Jimi) Jim Morrison (Jim).

Buddy Holly died in a plane crash, thus "kiss the sky".

"man called Horse" references the movie "A man called horse".

God had been dead sine 1942, when the NYT declared him so, but this is a total loss of faith after the summer of love, when the idealism began to die. It references the song "Spirit in the sky" which promoted a kind of Pollyanna positivism.

"Spook" a derisive name for the "Holy Ghost" now that disillusionment has set in. Disillusion equals anger.

Your word choice problems is spot on. I never even saw that. Must be a writer's blind spot. I will keep an eye out for it in the future.

Thanks for the critique, I definitely see some ares for improvement.


dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#4
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Hi Dale.

This poem is basically about allusions from that time period (the 60's) many are song titles or lyrics.
This I got (though I still can't place the opening line), which is why I thought the 'Man Called Horse' reference, being from a film, didn't really fit.

The cake/pie allusion comes from the song "MacArthur Park",
Again, this was clear as soon as 'cake' was mentioned (I included 'park' just to be sure) so the rest felt redundant. But then I was familiar with the song, might have been different otherwise.

Buddy Holly died in a plane crash, thus "kiss the sky".
'Crashing' implies 'kiss the dirt', at least to me Smile
And didn't he die in the 50s? (Feels like you're taking a second bite out of McLean's pie)

It references the song "Spirit in the sky"
got the song reference (well, thanks to the Dr. and the Medics cover but we need not go into that) but not the NYT (though isn't that a different 'generation'?)

"Spook" a derisive name for the "Holy Ghost" now that disillusionment has set in.
But also a popular racist epithet of the time, or am I misremembering?


Best, Knot


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#5
Hey Dale- I almost remember the haze of those days as well, though as you say, "it’s hard to keep this history straight inside my pickled brain."
I picked up on the cultural references easily, but anyone not alive then may have a lot of difficulty with this piece.  That said, I noticed a few grammatical issues:

His death, did her depress, nothing really wrong with "did her depress" other than sounding stilted

along with the preacher Martin and two brothers Bob and Jacksimple change to avoid the confusion of two brothers Martin

there’s no hope to reconcile, unless the others die.  I like this line a lot

only echoes of lonely of once had been, did still linger on.  This line was hard to get through and "did still linger" didn't help

we cared nothing for the principal, we were fighting just to fight.  The parrallels between then and now do exist.  I think "principle" would be the correct spelling in this context.

... this canker’s tale,
there's some remorse for you to pass, of course it’s pass or flail.
  Like this a lot , as well

So find a mellow yellow fellow, who can really shakes it well,  "Shakes" should be "shake"

...Whiter Shade of Pale.  I doubt many readers are familiar with Procol Harum, which brings me back to my opening remark that this piece may be very confusing to readers not familiar with the time period.  The subtle parrallel between then and now presents a worthwhile challenge to explore, but perhaps in another piece...

For readers like me who lived it, this was like following the clues on a treasure hunt, and I really enjoyed following the map.
Thanks!
Mark
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#6
Knot,

(Feels like you're taking a second bite out of McLean's pie)

Guilty, a number of references do come from American pie. It's true,some are precursors, time wise, to the 60's. I tend to group them together as a movement (no pun intended), just as 1942 was part of the modernist movement that gave rise to the counter culture, such as the Beat poets. So even though it is mainly about the 60's, there are a number of things that informed the sixties.


"Spook" a derisive name for the "Holy Ghost" now that disillusionment has set in.
But also a popular racist epithet of the time, or am I misremembering?

Didn't even think about that connotation, but you are correct.

thanks for the further comment,

best,

dale

Mark,

Thanks for all your correction, I agree with all of them. How that Yoda-speech worked it's way in I don't know Smile

"Whiter Shade of Pale. I doubt many readers are familiar with Procol Harum..."

I always though of "Whiter Shade of Pale" as a seminal song of the 60's.
I can't believe neither you nor Knot complained about my Chaucer reference of "Wife of Bath". Of course he used it satirically and I followed suite (it is also an allusion to the "Fat Lady" singing).

Thanks again for all the catches, most helpful.

dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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