Christmas Forgotten

[Erthona]

Christmas Forgotten

The scales fell from her eyes
noting the floor as they
bounced up to drum her ear
(hammering in a minor key),
but through it all--the tinkling
silver bell--she could not hear.
For to hear one must believe
and she was too savvy
and way too smart
to ever be deceived!

revised ©2020  erthona
_____________________________
Original

The scales fell from her eyes,
noting the floor, as they
bounced up to drum her ear,
hammering in a minor key,
but through it all, the tinkling
silver bell, she could not hear.
For to hear, one must believe,
and she was too savvy and too
smart to ever be deceived!

©2012 ~Erthona

[dukealien]

Christmas Forgotten

The scales fell from her eyes,
noting the floor, as they
bounced up to drum her ear,
hammering in a minor key, perhaps em dash instead of comma for a longer line break here
but through it all, the tinkling
silver bell, she could not hear.  could do without the comma on this line, I think
For to hear, one must believe,
and she was too savvy and too perhaps the second "too" could begin the next line
smart to ever be deceived!  nice near rhyme with the second line above

©2012 ~Erthona

In basic critique:  aside from the suggestions and notes above, a nice progression from chaos of musical terms to that missing element.  (I couldn't help thinking of the too-savvy lady missing an angel receiving his wings per "Wonderful Life" because, you know, who *really* believes in angels?)

[Erthona]

Thanks for the critique Duke. I used to use the em dash a lot more, but I have gone away from that as it seemed so affected: that's my problem though. The rest I can take on-board, good suggestions all I think.

best,

dale

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Dale-
My comment is more on content/subject--

The scales fell from her eyes, such as when the Apostle Paul met Ananias; that moment of belief for Paul off the road to Damascus.
noting the floor, as they  this line may not be necessary, and is confusing
but bounced back up to drum her ear,
hammering in a minor key. for some reason this evokes Bach for me (go figure)
But through it all, the tinkling another word for "tinkling" perhaps?
silver bell, she could not hear.  the singular silver bell, I think, to signify the birth of Christ 
For to hear, one must believe,
and she was too savvy and too questionable line break
smart to ever be deceived!  the ( ! )  indicates her emphatic rejection.

The title itself harks back to a possible (revelatory) childhood experience at an Advent service. 

So, for me, I'm reading the story of an experience that led to un-belief, rather than belief. 
Subtle, yet effective, and almost sad.

Thanks,
Mark

[Erthona]

Thanks Mark,

I did not intend this to about religion (but you're certainly welcome to find that in it).

Thanks again,

best,

dale

[Mark A Becker]

Funny how that works, Dale, ain't it?
I will refrain from seeking any explanation on your part regarding your true intent, because it's more fun when readers find their own meaning, I guess.
...Mark

[Erthona]

Mark,

True, that is why I refrained from doing so. My take is once I let a poem out into the world, my opinion is no more valid than anyone else's (that does not mean I am immune to doing so) . I frequently go back to older poems and find things in them that I know I had no idea of at the time.

Thanks again,

dale

[Mark A Becker]

Dale-
My interpretation comes from studying the Bible, eventhough I do not really hold to much of Christian theology.  I do, however, find it important to understand where Christians (Jews, and Muslims) "come from" with some of their beliefs under the umbrella of the Abrahamic faith traditions.

So- from Acts 9:18, I read: "At that instant, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes..." That matches up pretty well with the first line of your poem (though your subject is a woman), and the title led me to think I was on the right track...

My comment about bells and Christ stems from being aware that  "Ringing of bells can be traced back to pagan winter celebrations. They are rung during Christmas to announce the arrival of the season, to proclaim the birth of Christ."


Your poem gives me an idea for a poem of my own, stealing some of the inspiration from your piece.  And for that, I thank you.

... Mark

ps. I grew up Catholic, and then drifted (far) away from it as I grew up... How about you?

[Erthona]

Mark,

I was raised Southern Baptist, took awhile to break free. My parents died in my late twenties, so I could quit even pretending. Even from a young age I had trouble buying the doctrine. By the time I was 10, I was putting the preacher off by asking questions like: "If the only way to get to heaven is through belief in Jesus, what happened to all those Asian people who never heard of him? Them dying and going to Hell seems a bit unfair and seems counter to your idea of a loving and forgiving "God", (although I doubt that I put that concisely). Most people, when they talk about a god, act as god is Santa Clause. Even the Bible doesn't support that. I have had events that defy rationality that is an epiphanous experience. I've had many of these and I know it does not arise from my conscious mind. So from where does it come? That somewhere I suppose one could call God.

Thoughts?

dale

[Mark A Becker]

Thoughts? Since you asked:

After my cancer diagnosis I was asked, "are you mad at God?"
I answered that I am unable to be "mad" at something that is far beyond my comprehension.
That said, I remain humble in my amazement at the intricate beauty I have witnessed in this life.
Though I am also deeply troubled by horrible incidents I have witnessed, as well.
Having been with several loved ones at their moments of death, and birth, I freely admit that I have glimpsed what I can honestly describe as a Holy Presence.
Those connections have felt so strong that dogma/doctrine are not needed to reinforce them.
All that said, I am fascinated by studying faith traditions of all types, and respect them all unless their proponents willfully cause harm to others who believe differently (or not all).

Thanks for asking,
Mark

[philip]

Hello Erthona,

Just a few thoughts on your poem (what else?).

The beginning cuts against the ending for me.
scales fell from her eyes - indicates she was previously fooled.
to ever be deceived! - indicates she has never been fooled.

Scales bouncing off the floor and hammering her ear is a difficult image to hold.

The unheard silver bell is a nice thought - very Christmassy...

I'm not fond of 'savvy' and 'smart' which are too unspecific for me.
Too old and knowing might have more depth perhaps.

Thanks for sharing...........P

[Erthona]

philip,

Thanks for the response. The scales falling from her eyes was from her perspective, maybe needs some clarity.

best dale

[philip]

Dale,

Of course, it's from her perspective - to extend the metaphor, fish scales fell from her eyes so she was no longer blinded and could see the truth -
just like Paul and the charmless consequence of his revelation on the road to Damascus.

On the other hand, your own metaphor for musical scales is charming, but perhaps overstated, with ear drums and hammering - leave it subtle...
Descending and rising scales may serve better.

Overall, a thoughtful poem I enjoyed reading................Philip

[Erthona]

philip,

Thanks for the comments. I wasn't actually trying to be subtle, just to have a little fun with word play. As it is, people I fear, rarely read beyond the first level of a poem or at least rarely comment on them.

Thanks again,

best,

dale