Faith

[heslopian]

As a child this image haunted me:
Jesus behind a table, the first maître d’;
everyone here seemed to know The Answer,
between these four walls on this busy high street.

Through French windows in Sunday school
we saw the shoppers passing by,
unaware we were learning what they'll never know:
who moulded the earth and the sky.

I did not feel like Jesus on the cross,
I'm bereft of grand imagery,
for though I tried to train my mind
The Knowledge escaped me.

[billy]

As a child this image haunted me:
Jesus before a table, the first maître d’;
everyone here seemed to know The Answer,
between these four walls on this busy high street.

Through French windows in Sunday school
we saw the shoppers passing by,
unaware we were learning what they'll never know:
who moulded the earth and the sky.

I did not feel like Jesus on the cross,
I'm bereft of grand imagery,
for though I tried to train my mind
The Knowledge escaped me.

can't see as i have more than one nit on this jack. was jc before or behind the table?

i thought the 2nd verse was extremely plain and extremely well written (my fave) the simplicity of it is just perfect.

the last verse works well for me but somehow i feel i'm missing something. still it works well. the whole poem is works well. i like that it isn't sanctimonious

thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

I feel like it's missing something too. Not sure what that is though. I churned this one out early today, just before taking my siblings to school; I was so excited to be writing again following my dry period that I didn't give it too much thought after the fact. Though I re-wrote the second verse a couple of times. Thank you as always for the kind words and feedback

EDIT: Changed "before" to "behind."

[Lawrence]

who moulded the earth and the sky.

and The Knowledge escaped me.

Seemed a tad clumsy.

Other than that, for me the poem is perfect. The second verse is my favorite, too!

---

*Clumsy in that the rhythm is a bit off.

[heslopian]

Thank you for the kind words and feedback, Lawrence

P.S: I promise I'll reply to your message soon!

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

I've been away for a bit (short story contest and a cold) but I working my way up through the poems I'd missed. It's hard to put my finger on what is missing here for me, but I'll try to do that.

I found S1 and S2 to be fantastic. I loved the first line, the image of Jesus you present, and the contrast between those in the church and those on the street.

I also liked your first two lines of S3. We shifted from the table to the cross (and while that isn't a problem maybe there's something there that you can work with). I absolutely love the part about being bereft of grand imagery,

If I were to look at any part of this poem to strengthen it would be the final two lines. They just don't seem to hit as strongly.

Sorry I don't have any more.

It is a really good poem.

Best,

Todd

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind words and feedback, Todd

[waitingforgodet]

Re: Faith

I'm a little confused. Wasn't Jesus--we are referring to the last supper, right?--a patron or guest of honor.?

the poem is entitled, Faith. Are you saying regardless of what really took place, it all comes down to having faith? the language and simplicity is good, there's certainly a lot you don't put in that would have been extraneous--but I'm still confused. I read it several times and it still doesn't make me see what you're after here--sorry. Perhaps someone could help me out a bit. thanks--jim

[billy]

he's talking about his experience impressions/images in sunday school as a child
and how the concept of god on the cross failed him. that he didn't have the imagination (and possibly the inclination later in life to see it as he was supposed to according to his upbringing. (sorry if i'm wrong jack lol) the middle verse. was a look back at how he thought as a child while actually in the sunday school. i guess for me it was a couple of vignette
of course it's all jmo .

[heslopian]

No Billy you're right. And thank you for explaining it. I'm shit at conveying what I mean in my poems