The Woman, The Pet and The Bad Boy

[waitingforgodet]

There was a time not long ago she would not have given Arthur a second look.
Arthur did not thrill her and she was not in love with his mind.
He put in her French drain, locks, installed her wood stove--that was the hook.
When he touched her, she would rather not and involuntarily pined

and pained for Dimitri and the deliciously wicked way he made her feel,
like a magnificent whore ravaged, breathless and owned by this man.
Addicted to his every wish-- the money she gave him, she'd do anything for him but he wasn't real.
He was like a fantasy lived and in the end he, the great Dimitri, ran.

She often wondered if he ever considered the destruction left in his wake.
The tears and grieving didn't help, not the self-flagellation, not even time itself.
Then Arthur came along, a plodding, predictable and loyal man who would never forsake:
He adored like a pet and loved her more than he loved himself.

She stood behind her new sliding glass door and looked out into her yard
watching her Arthur happily hammering down cedar shingles on the roof of her new shed.
Arthur waved to her smiling, sweating-panting, then resumed working fast and hard.
He’s my pet, she thought, and felt a slight exhilaration with no malicious intent and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head.

[billy]

There was a time not long ago she would not have given Arthur a second look.
Arthur did not thrill her and she was not in love with his mind.
He put in her French drain, locks, installed her wood stove--that was the hook.
When he touched her, she would rather not and involuntarily pined

and pained for Dimitri and the deliciously wicked way he made her feel,
like a magnificent whore ravaged, breathless and owned by this man. is like needed?
Addicted to his every wish-- the money she gave him, she'd do anything for him but he wasn't real.
He was like a fantasy lived and in the end he, the great Dimitri, ran. would he was a fantasy that lived work better?

She often wondered if he ever considered the destruction left in his wake.
The tears and grieving didn't help, not the self-flagellation, not even time itself. is the needed?
Then Arthur came along, a plodding, predictable and loyal man who would never forsake:
He adored like a pet and loved her more than he loved himself.

She stood behind her new sliding glass door and looked out into her yard
watching her Arthur happily hammering down cedar shingles on the roof of her new shed.
Arthur waved to her smiling, sweating-panting, then resumed working fast and hard.
He’s my pet, she thought, and felt a slight exhilaration with no malicious intent and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head. would 'and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head work better on it's own line? i take that back as it would screw with the rhyme

---

apart for the few nits above i thought it was an excellent piece of prose poetry. i loved the title.
the actual poem has a thirties feel to it, i could imagine her puffing away on a cig in a cigarette holder as she looked out of the window.
for me the piece was very understated yet loud, (i hope you know what i mean. ) while it is prosy it is good poetry the main poetic device being the ACBD scheme used to great effect, the sign of this being i never noticed it for about the first 4 reads. no mention of enjambment here as the line length works well except for the last line, though to cut it as i suggested would throw the rhyme to hell and screw up the form. (which is excellent.) i'm aghast at the some of the poetry you guys post here and how good it is.

thanks for the read.

[waitingforgodet]

I think your suggestion of eliminating a few articles, a phrase or two does tighten the poem up a bit. I read it out loud with your suggestions and it does sound better too. Thank you. I'm also going to attempt this piece as a short story too just to see what happens.

I'm not sure what you mean by "very understated yet loud."--perhaps you could explain a little.

Thanks again--jim

[billy]

that the sum is greater than it's parts.

on the whole i want to slap the woman around and arthur but there's no single
thing in the poem that makes me feel that way.

plus at the end of the poem i (the reader) found it possible to extend the content and see things which are apparent in the words.
things like sado masochism, aspects of devotion outside of the sexual context. suburban life,(whether implied or not they jump out at the me(the reader) sorry if that doesn't make sense but it's all i have.

now let me ask you a question jim, you say you weren't sure so you must have had some idea as to what i meant, what was it that you thought i meant?

[waitingforgodet]

What I thought you meant, Billy, was that without moralizing about the characters, yes, the reader was able to judge them, especially Arthur and the woman. The biggest villain here is the woman, of course--although, I think it is difficult for a writer to explicate his own poem. Obviously, the woman has no love for Arthur, but will keep him (as a pet) simply for what he can do for her. One woman who read the poem brought up some of the things you said, and hated the woman, hated Arthur, but liked the bad boy, only because he was honest about who he was. None of the women save one who have read this poem liked it--the married women who read it did not like it and thought I was making a statement about all women selling out as they get older.

Thanks for the added comment on the poem. I do see much clearer what you meant, Billy--jim

[billy]

no probs.

maybe some people have a guilt complex hehe.
we all look at everything with a new eye we see what we see.
for me the woman does have love of a kind for authur they have a symbiosis.
they're bother using each other.

[waitingforgodet]

I see it more as a one-sided love. He is her pet, devoted, totally loves her. She would prefer he not even touch her, but yes, he is useful.

[billy]

that for me is one of the reasons i like to read and write poetry.
once it gets read by others, it often becomes something we didn't intend.
if a hundred people read it they'll be a hundred different ideas as to what i's saying.