Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and please.set.time
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing current.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it
all these winking stars of light?
Even if each spark drew life
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine.
edit 1;
Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and please.set.time
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing juice.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it
all these winking stars of light?
Even if each spark drew life
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine.
original version;
Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and PLEASE SET TIME
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing juice.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it
all these winking stars of light
even when their power comes
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine.
I haven't walked into my house and seen the constellations beaming down, but I have walked outside and felt them beaming down upon me, there, in the night sky, so close, you can almost touch them.
Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and PLEASE SET TIME
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing juice.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it (Put a question mark here.)
all these winking stars of light
even when their power comes
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine.
Beautiful! I love what you have written here! Love the imagery! Love the passion on this particular topic, I think it's fine, there isn't really to revise nor really edit except for the question mark you should have put there. Anyway thanks for sharing!
Have to think about that edit (while mulling others). A question mark there would make the rest of the stanza a sentence fragment; on the other hand, placing commas after both "it" and "light" would break my present practice of avoiding punctuation at line-ends in free verse (letting the natural pause do the work).
But if it's a problem, perhaps em dashes at the ends of both those lines would work; parentheses would make the second line too subordinate.
Have to think about it. Other suggestions, anyone?
Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and PLEASE SET TIME (not a big fan of the capital letters here - I see what you are trying to do, but maybe try italics instead? Just feels jarring to the flow)
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing juice.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it (I agree with Jaggededge, you need a question mark here or on the next line)
all these winking stars of light
even when their power comes
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine. Great ending, beautiful
Overall I like this. Especially the final verse. Just a couple of edits, but really I wouldn’t change much. Nice poem.
Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and please.set.time
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing juice.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it
all these winking stars of light?
Even if each spark drew life
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine.
I bow to the critics on need for a question mark, and to avoid ALL CAPS. A few minor changes near that question mark, also.
Thanks for the good critiques; glad it was otherwise appreciated.
I really like this poem. I think it captures a sentiment we have all felt at one time or another. I know I have, especially when awake at night in bed or on the couch and you notice the constellations. Or when the TV is on in the dark like a little sun and you see the light reflecting on the faces.
Hey duke I really enjoyed the poem, I was in the room, in the dark seeing all my stars of burning energy. Mapping my own constellations even. If I have anything to add by way of crit and I haven't read the original, so I'm sorry if you are groaning at this point and thinking no more edits please, but I think the last verse detracts us from the question posed which is a really good question about how we have become so reliant on tech and the value it brings to us. I think S4 is a stand out but the whole piece works well and makes one think, cant ask for much more. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
I always love a good energy related poem. This is one.
But I didn't much care for the banality of:
"each confirming that its host
is drawing juice."
I think the poem is better off without the above lines, which doesn't convey any information that is not implied anyway.
"Constellations" as a title brings to mind Ted Kooser's 'Flying at night'. That's just to me, though. But it's a nice if unintended allusion. https://poets.org/poem/flying-night
@Keith - thanks for the critique. I appreciate the point of view, but saving electricity/other resources wasn't quite the point of the work (to me). It might be more,
that Someone doesn't mind our having little night lights, and hang the expense
but your reading is perfectly fine. We don't get to choose readers' interpretations, only hope for them.
@busker - also thanks. You're right, those two lines are weak, informal, and banal. But I'd contend that they're a necessary transition to the resource question, which would be abrupt, even puzzling on first read without them. I certainly do need to improve them, though, and for that, thanks again!
Have you walked into a darkened room
of your house and been surprised
elated by its many tiny lights
all glowing blue or green, perhaps a few
in red or solar yellow?
Some are numbers - clocks - and some
flash like the infamous
twelve AM and please.set.time
but most are simple telltales
each confirming that its host
is drawing current.
So coal burns, and gas, and nuclei
are split so you may see
your appliances are keeping time
your tech is charging
and your smoke alarm’s alert.
Are they worth it
all these winking stars of light?
Even if each spark drew life
from wind or water interrupted
in its rushing flight?
Well, some might say
those greater constellations up above
are wasted on us, too–
but still they shine.
Just the one small edit for @busker (reasons for retaining it and the last stanza above). May be a weak edit for a weak line, but does tie in (distantly) to wind and hydro currents. And better than "eating current" or "sucking current," surely .
Non-practicing atheist
.