Miss Manners

[heslopian]

Is it rude to send someone a message demanding that they read their poems and give feedback? I recently received such a missive, entitled "FRIEND HAVE U READ ANY OF MY FUCKING POEMS," on another poetry site, containing a poem and ending with: "YOUR VIEWS" without so much as a question mark to indicate that they're asking instead of directing me to offer an opinion. I was quite offended by this. Did I have a right to be?
More generally, how important are manners to you? How highly do you prize politeness? Are you a stickler for Ps and Qs, or do you find it all too much?

[thethingy]

I was quite offended by this. Did I have a right to be?

ABSOLUTELY, CAPS LOCK IS OFFENDING TALK........................

[Todd]

I don't know is it rude to tell someone to F&@K Off? Because that's where I would have taken it. The funny part about that is do you really want someone's opinion that you've went out of your way to be rude to? In that circumstance, I'd be sure to give them some feedback. They probably would stop asking.

I'm not too concerned with the Emily Post manners thing, but that said I think people should be respectful of one another's time and not live under a cloud of entitlement where people are expected to drop everything for them. Essentially, I'm anti-parasite.

[billy]

manners are important if they need to be important.
demanding that which you have no right too is rude. politeness between friends seems to vanish and rightly so.
but in general good manners are worth the expenditure. i dislike people who you don't know acting in that unpolite way that friends act.

and yes it does occur in forum. i remember one forum where they have a void similar to our sewer. like most i started posting a couple of time and it was fine. then i thought i'd post like everyone else, only i didn't i posted the way i thought others posted and made a prat of myself. i can now proudly say i know how to post there and how a place like the sewer or void should be used.

at the end of the day using bad manners is a little like trolling. fine in the right place or right person but wrong every were else

[Touchstone]

Yes, it is rude. Obnoxious and stupid would also be applicable adjectives.

If the forum is run on MyBB (as this one is) you can click on User CP and then Buddy/Ignore List and add the username of the individual. That will prevent them from sending you any further PM's. Other forum software will probably have something similar.

But before you do that I would suggest a reply along the lines of:

"My thoughts are that you have a lot to learn."

Which should leave them wondering, and with no way of finding out what you meant.

[kath3]

I very much like to see manners being used. I feel it's a show of respect towards others and that everyone deserves respect until they prove unworthy otherwise.
I also feel it shows respect for ourselves in how we treat others.
I had never been on a forum until I ran into the sb and now here, and over time I've come to see too often misunderstandings because of keystroke communication and a lack of exchange with facial expressions ... thank goodness for those wonderful little smiles. They add huge dynamics to conversations both in a friendly manner and no so friendly manner and have a way of further getting a point across that simple words cannot.
I was raised old school and manners where expected in all areas of daily activities not just with please and thank you's. For instance, we all sat down to meals together and until every member was seated there was no grabbing of a bowl of potatoes or whatever. Broading house reaches too were no no's.
Belching or farting and not excusesing was rude ... infact you were expected to leave the room and not pollute it with your foul smell :tongue4: . Hats were never allowed to be worn at the table and if you accidently came to the table wearing one ... well, my dad had a long reach for a good cuff on the head ;fish;. I could list more examples but you get the picture. Those days seem to be long gone with kids coming in grabing food from the table and heading to the t.v room farting on their way past ya. These days as you walk down the street it's nothing to come upon a passerby yawning with mouth wide open. People accidently bumping into someone only to hear fuck you. To this day if I pass infront of someone in the grocery store who is looking for something on the self I will excuse myself. I had manners drilled into me and I'm not saying that too much isn't too much but I truely believe society in general could use more.
As for the pm you recieved I see it a little different than you. I would guess that it's a young cocky male. He refers to you as friend implying a certain amount of respect (on his level), and ending with YOUR VIEWS and smilie face as a gesture of friendliness. The idea that he is using cap letters doesn't come across to me as your typical yelling type but rather an extention of how much he values your opinion. I'm not trying to justify his keystroke-menship but I don't feel his intention is to be demanding. I could be wrong been down that road many a good time. It could be a disrepecful little shit either male or female.

[billy]

love you post kath specially the farting part. i was for a good while as a child brought up in a convent and so was made to use good manners. for me it's common sense as to where, and to what extent to use them. we always have evening meal at the table though on odd occasions the meal can be eaten in front of the tv. breakfast is usually at the table as well. for me it's not so much about manners as it is about family. though manners plays a part of that. i always hold a door open for someone else, always say thank you. it's only when i drive that i become a different person. addy will tell you cos i'm too embarrassed to say

[mrmod]

Always be courteous. Never sink to their level.

I've had a fair few PMs insulting me and I have always kept my cool. This seemed to anger the other person more and ended up with him not having anything on me.

In this case, if they are demanding just say your opinion. Be it that you haven't had the time or that you don't feel as though you need to or whatever. The truth will shut him up eventually.

[billy]

i have had a pm on another site asking me. "to read how good someones poem was" upon reading it good wasn't my description of it. normally if i can't say something good about a poem i try to pass over it. usually i can always pick one or two things out which are good that soften the blow of any constructive feedback. but with this one it wasn't possible so i did an extreme in depth critique which was brutally honest. it was the only time i've ever done such a thing.

as for pm's and bad mouthing in them. if i'm of a mind i'll do it anywhere. i seldom, throw the first blow in pm but retaliate strongly and with much more venom than i would in a post. manners are good and should always be used but when bullied i enjoy to bully back.
and i love a good throw down, though as a site admin it isn't something i get chance to do, i think we're supposed to lead by experience or sumfink

normally with embers of any site i try and show proper respect unless they've pissed me off or act in a way the insults my great intellect hehe. thankfully i'm one of those people who don't need to be liked so it's okay.

i do believe that manners maketh the man and would never disrespect anyone for having them. another think i'm respectful of, is help
given. i do my best to show thanks,and never take it lightly not even from those i may dislike. all good deeds done to or for me deserve my thanks, i think it should be the same for everyone else.

[heslopian]

i have had a pm on another site asking me. "to read how good someones poem was" upon reading it good wasn't my description of it. normally if i can't say something good about a poem i try to pass over it. usually i can always pick one or two things out which are good that soften the blow of any constructive feedback. but with this one it wasn't possible so i did an extreme in depth critique which was brutally honest. it was the only time i've ever done such a thing.

How did the person respond?

[billy]

i have had a pm on another site asking me. "to read how good someones poem was" upon reading it good wasn't my description of it. normally if i can't say something good about a poem i try to pass over it. usually i can always pick one or two things out which are good that soften the blow of any constructive feedback. but with this one it wasn't possible so i did an extreme in depth critique which was brutally honest. it was the only time i've ever done such a thing.

How did the person respond?

they thought i was having a go at them when in fact i was just being bluntly honest. it was a raoe come pedo poem that as far as i could discern had no merit what so ever. it was cliche, lacking any poetic devices and a basically in your face this will shock you because of the graphic nature piece, which in all honesty was neither graphic or realistic.

it was something i'd expect from a low I.Q,'d village idiot with additional brain damage. weird thing was he'd got lots of praise for it being punchy and down to earth gritty etc. i just saw it as a bag of shite and explained to the poet why that was., i was asked to read another one then and see what i thought about that, needless to say it was the same but i didn't reply.

[heslopian]

they thought i was having a go at them when in fact i was just being bluntly honest. it was a raoe come pedo poem that as far as i could discern had no merit what so ever. it was cliche, lacking any poetic devices and a basically in your face this will shock you because of the graphic nature piece, which in all honesty was neither graphic or realistic.

it was something i'd expect from a low I.Q,'d village idiot with additional brain damage. weird thing was he'd got lots of praise for it being punchy and down to earth gritty etc. i just saw it as a bag of shite and explained to the poet why that was., i was asked to read another one then and see what i thought about that, needless to say it was the same but i didn't reply.

Oh yes I remember this. The poet sent me a message as well, saying what a meanie you were. The sad thing is that he's actually a good artist, when he leaves the paedo stuff alone, but he labours under the pretension that artless shock is redemptive somehow to both the reader and the writer.

[billy]

i think forcing yourself on someone to do a service should be done with finesse and thoughtfulness.
instead the request should be as gracious as possible and state your understanding should you not able to help.

[mrmod]

I believe most things you do to someone you don't know should be done with finesse and good manners.

[billy]

believe it or not, my natural state is that of someone who is respectful of others.
a person can seldom earn my respect but they can easily lose it. i'm not a believer in the adage that respect should be earned.
for me it should be something that's given freely to those who have yet to earn my disdain

[srijantje]

except for in the sewer ofcourse

[billy]

of course but if we think about it there's still an etiquette of sorts even in that cesspit
while some seriously troll or fight. in the main it's more a chance to be silly with those who understand the mechanics of it.
we still use a , or etc to denote we're not being too serious.