Winter Ode

[Richard]

Winter Ode

Our neighbors' windows frozen shut,
their boring groaning gone for now,
behind an icy shroud so devout
that god himself would have to bow.

You steal the blanket once again,
my elbows colder than goodbyes
bewailed on knees among amens,
your thoughtful prayers a warm disguise.

I shovel freshly fallen snow,
but you would never on Sunday-
the shine allowed to stay and glow
as neighbors judge our blocked driveway.

I got in the mood to rhyme, so this is the result.

[dukealien]

Winter Ode

Our neighbors' windows frozen shut,
their boring groaning gone for now,
behind an icy shroud so devout problematic line for meter and rhyme.  "ice" instead of "icy" would fix the meter, but "devout" is so critical to theme of the verse (or whole poem) that a better idea might be to go back and find a replacement for "shut" in L1 that rhymes with it... in fact, to re-engineer the whole line for that purpose.
that god himself would have to bow. Since you capitalize Sunday, and this is apparently a singular god, the word should probably be capitalized.

You steal the blanket once again,
my elbows colder than goodbyes
bewailed on knees among amens, similar situation to V1, first line of the verse would be easier to change than "amens." 
your thoughtful prayers a warm disguise.

I shovel freshly fallen snow,
but you would never on Sunday-  a missing foot here for regular meter - for example, "stir" before "Sunday."  Maybe "for" or "since" instead of "but," too.
the shine allowed to stay and glow perhaps "its" instead of "the" (pardon my personal hobbyhorse)
as neighbors judge our blocked driveway. another missing foot - for example, "drifted" instead of "blocked."

I got in the mood to rhyme, so this is the result.

Taking the spoiler into account, concentrating on meter and rhyme rather than exact meaning or punctuation...

The first verse is tough, specifically the first line.  The answer may be something with "shout" or "about," and the solution may involve L2 as well (without altering its end-rhyme).  V2 can probably be fixed more easily by making the last word plural (though not "agains").

Hope that helps.

[Richard]

Hey Duke,
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate all the insights into the meter and rhyme. Those are poetic aspects I usually avoid, so I'm always eager to improve with them.

Thanks again,
Richard

[billy]

hi richard, good effort though the meter in places misses it's mark. beside that a couple of lines didn't work for me. [see below] a lighthearted piece that many have been through. in general the god [holy parts don't work well enough to keep as of yet. your use of alliteration works well when used. i've left some suggestion for you to leave, use or change. my real advice would be to shovel it onto their driveway

Winter Ode

Our neighbors' windows frozen shut,
their boring groaning gone for now,
behind an icy shroud so devout if you lose the [so] the meter will right itself as you have an extra half foot.
that god himself would have to bow. why would god have to bow? a suggestion would be [that God himself would raise a brow]

You steal the blanket once again,
my elbows colder than goodbyes
bewailed on knees among amens,
your thoughtful prayers a warm disguise.

I shovel freshly fallen snow,
but you would never on Sunday- to fit the meter here my suggestion would be [but "You" never would on Sunday]
the shine allowed to stay and glow this line feels a little force to meet the rhyme. is it sunshine? if so a suggestion would be [sunshine allowed to stay and glow]
as neighbors judge our blocked driveway.

I got in the mood to rhyme, so this is the result.

[Cesar]

Our neighbors' windows frozen shut,
their boring groaning gone for now,
behind an icy shroud so devout 
that god himself would have to bow.

You steal the blanket once again,
my elbows colder than goodbyes
bewailed on knees among amens, 
your thoughtful prayers a warm disguise.

I shovel freshly fallen snow,
but you would never on Sunday- 
the shine allowed to stay and glow 
as neighbors judge our blocked driveway.

Your rhyme scheme is kind of simple, and I believe it can be improved by maybe using more complex, yet not forced rhymes. I like the poem, it's just rather simple, and if that's your style, go for it.   

[Richard]

Hey billy and Cesar,
Thanks for the feedback. Will give this some thought. I do want to improve the meter and rhyme here, so I appreciate the suggestions about them.

Thanks again,
Richard