Lost

[SpaceDirt]

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.

I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong

Anywhere.

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).

[alonso ramoran]

Hey SpaceDirt,

Pretty good start you have here. I'd use "sinews" instead of "fibers" when describing the heart; the use of heart is already abstract so you might as well provide it with the proper adjectives to make it more concrete. I'd also try not capitalizing the beginning letter of every line (unless of course it's the beginning of a sentence, proper noun, etc etc) so it reads with less bumps. One last thing, more specifically, I'd suggest "melancholic deluge" instead of "melancholy deluge", but reading over that whole stanza, I don't think melancholy is the word you wanna use to describe the overwhelming sadness that seems to have been felt in the moment by the N. Melancholy is sadness that's more meditative and atmospheric, usually w/o cause.

Best, Alex

[Scarlet69]

Hello Spacedirt,

I like the enjambment and agree with Alex about not capitalizing each line. I also really like the way you separated the word "anywhere" all by itself giving it a feeling of loneliness. I am not sure I like the word "crossroads" in the first line as that indicates a limited number of options. It infers a moment of decisiveness that I'm not feeling in the rest of the poem. I really like stanza five. One of my poetry mentors gave me some advice that I pass on to my students when they're writing poetry (I'm an English teacher) that I'd like to pass on. She said that the last word of the line is the most important word. That being said, I would remove the "and" in stanza five and let it read - "They pull me in/They pull me apart" - and possibly replace the word "pull" with "rip" as it would give it more intensity to match the "tearing" of the heart earlier in the poem.

Best of luck,
Scarlet69

[TheCoyote]

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.

I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong

Anywhere.

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).

I like this very much. 

However, [no but] what paths are you referring too. Maybe, go into more detail or clarify or expound.

Good stuff, thank you for posting.

[Radetof.Yahska]

Hi Spacedirt!

Just a few things I noticed:

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground
My gaze transfixed on the      // transfixed by / fixed upon/on - the current syntax doesn't work
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.             // melancholic, as has been suggested above, but a word like paralyzing might encompass the doubt better, in sync with images above 

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.                  // rip me apart; pull me apart seems problematic

I can't walk
Those paths.                         
I don't belong

Anywhere.

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).

You write of the "well-trodden" path, and leave out the ones not so well-beaten. Is it a deliberate choice? Is there a feeling of limited choices that tries to shine through? If it is so, a little more focus on the absence of unconventional paths may help.

Thanks for the poem!

[SpaceDirt]

Hi Spacedirt!

Just a few things I noticed:

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground
My gaze transfixed on the      // transfixed by / fixed upon/on - the current syntax doesn't work
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.             // melancholic, as has been suggested above, but a word like paralyzing might encompass the doubt better, in sync with images above 

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.                  // rip me apart; pull me apart seems problematic

I can't walk
Those paths.                         
I don't belong

Anywhere.

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).

You write of the "well-trodden" path, and leave out the ones not so well-beaten. Is it a deliberate choice? Is there a feeling of limited choices that tries to shine through? If it is so, a little more focus on the absence of unconventional paths may help.

Thanks for the poem!

I guess what I was trying to do here was convey how so many others were able to take the well-trodden path, but for me it seemed like an impossible route, and there seemed to be no other alternatives.

[nozaki]

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.--The image of someone standing still in a moving crowd is strong in its evocation, but here it could be imagined more vividly. Smell? touch? sounds? and the like. 

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.--heartbreak can be better described. 

I stare at the ground
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and--succumb to what? 
Collapse to the
Ground.--not strong enough to hold its own line. 
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.--I rather like the repeated use of pull here. 

I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong

Anywhere.--again, not strong enough to hold its own line. 

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).

[wapiti]

I succumb

What do you succumb to? This seems like a strong word choice without more detail

and
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

Why did you break-up the lines in the way you did? The pacing seems off.

Anywhere.

This seems superfluous. The poem is stronger without it.

[Mayhap]

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.  Are you trying to say that others seemingly already know which path to take or that they too are just as confused but more willing to try?
Their home.

But I remain still  Mayhap this would be a good place for an analogy i.e. Still as the infinite sky above
Dread clawing at my being ”Mayhap change “being” into something more concrete? Body/torso/existence/frame/soul  “Dread claws at me” ?
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.  This line is confusing as before there were multiple paths but now there is only one
Where I belong  Mayhap address which direction to take first?
Unclear to me.

I succumb and  I like that you were trying to give this stanza’s meter a sucker punch, but it loses the flow. Mayhap “Succumbing to (whatever you are succumbing to) I collapse”
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

The paths beckon me  I love this stanza, It may be more effective to shorten “ the paths beckon me they pull me in and apart”
They pull me in and
They pull me apart.

I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong

Anywhere. I think this word may be unnecessary

[wordgobbler]

I think this poem could work as a song, honestly. It has some striking imagery and the subject matter is something we can all relate to. The only thing I would fix is the use of capital words, this might throw some readers off. Other than that, good job!

[Jackintheroom]

Hey, Very meaningful obviously, only critique is I feel like towards the end the line 

"I can't walk
Those paths."

could be one line maybe. Just my humble opinion though I liked it alot.

Kind Regards - Jack

[The Sinn]

Hello,
I read your poem and it was moving .

However, When you are in pain, gut wrenching pain you can use more drastic words and actions to describe it. Here you tried to control the word play but pain in uncontrolable , like for example when you said Melancholy, ususally that word is used when someone is sad but it is not the sad that breaks your soul and shatters it .

All in all it was great and I enjoyed it . Keep up the good work and Plz share more of your soul with us

[Shokna]

"Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart."

Stands out in this universal experience of stalled at the crossroads of meaningful choice.
Collapse is better than un-matured understanding allowing artifice to infest and infect.
Good effort at rendering this.  --  Shokna

[billy]

i'd suggest changing out some of the ing words; brush, claw, tear, the last two stanza feel weak. wtach out for redundancies. their place would suffice for both station and home.

I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground [not needed as you also say the same thing below]
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground. [to the ground, is a given and doesn't add anything]
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.

I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong

Anywhere.

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).

[applebear]

I often feel this way. I would have liked to read a part of the crowd that is brushing past you having to step around you or something. The imagery I got was that you were surrounded, and to collapse on the ground and have the imagery seem to loose those felt odd. I could see however that you collapse and its as if there is no one around, but I'm not sure that's what you were going for