ALEX CHANCE MCCONNEL

[HersheyKiss]

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would
Who didn't get to see
But tho they may not know you
There's few who'll never forget
Like me, I promise you
I'll always be your proud Aunt.
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real
That doesn't mean your forever gone
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see

[Dwestmoreland]

I really enjoyed your post. I too have lost a child so I know the heart ache that can leave. However, in the spirit of critique, this section here 
"You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance 
To really come around "
Feels a little forced and it made me read it a couple of times to really get what you were saying because I had lost the rhythm.

[ellajam]

Hi and welcome. This is moving because of the subject but the simplicity of the rhymes and lack of imagery makes the poem sound to me more like a sympathy card than a poem that will stick with me. I think if you dig a little deeper into how the narrator feels and find an interesting way to convey it the poem will improve. You also might be interested in reading about meter, I can see the effort but there are bumps. Check out the practice forum for how rhyme and meter can work together. Some notes:

Well this is my hello comma after well.
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why Wondering why it's hard to say or why the death happened?
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud "You'd" seems off tense to me.
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad "Very sad" doesn't seem to suit the immense emotion she must feel.
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would world? Make sure to proofread.
Who didn't get to see
But tho they may not know you
There's few who'll never forget
Like me, I promise you
I'll always be your proud Aunt.
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real
That doesn't mean your forever gone
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see

I hope my comments encourage you to think of ways to make the poem more impactful. Hope you enjoy the site.

[HersheyKiss]

I really enjoyed your post. I too have lost a child so I know the heart ache that can leave. However, in the spirit of critique, this section here 
"You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance 
To really come around "
Feels a little forced and it made me read it a couple of times to really get what you were saying because I had lost the rhythm.

Do you think it would be better if i took out the word quite?

[cloud]

The loss of potential is tragic, truly.
But sadly, in the same way of a miscarriage, you obscured the potential depth in this poem by sticking to a boring, simple formula.
not much in the way of depth, honestly

It would have been way more interesting (and thoughtful) if you drew conclusions from loss, instead of inserting some pseudo-happy wishful thinking to all of this.
such resolutions are superficial, because optimism pales in comparison to actual tragedy

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why You should have elaborated on how this loss impacted you personally, draw in depth conclusions that mean something
You would have been a joy children are often little monsters once you get to know them
I know you'd make me proud (who knows?)
But life didn't quite give you the chance Elaborate on this!!! There's a lot of depth here

-- from here it's just all the same content revolving around loss of potential
To really come around
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad
[snip]
But that doesn't mean your not real
That doesn't mean your forever gone actually that's exactly what it means, extract something from obvious pain
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see

This kind of superficial train of thoughts should be directed towards comforting the victim
not in poetry!!  

[Todd]

HK,

The problem I have here is that this is a sad topic. Sad topics about important things are as hard to write as love poetry. It is hard to capture true emotion and the deliver often comes off as trite.

I think that's the issue here. 

A few line comments

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye--No real issue with this opening. It's an entry point. It isn't hugely evocative but the immediate contrast does do something for you.
It's hard to say these things--this however is a bland and general line. There is some truth to it though in the execution of the work. IT IS HARD to say these things or write them. Instead of actually saying them we often get flooded with generalities.
I'll always wonder why
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud--read these three lines and ask yourself, "am I giving general surface statements, or am I giving concrete specifics?" Do you see what I mean?
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around--This line is the surface triteness I'm referring to. 
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad--apostrophe she's. Is this truly what you want to convey that she's very sad. I'd say it goes beyond this. I know you know this. Until your poem can beyond these simple flat statements, it isn't serving you well. 
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad--No. This is too close to the previous statement. You hint at sadness and then close down any buildup of tension with this line. Don't do this please. Poetry like any writing needs to maintain and build tension--with this sort of subject matter especially.
She didn't see your face--That sounds mindblowing but you've just ended the last line with her being glad. Do you see how out of sequence this feels? If you rewrote the poem as the "Five Stages of a Miscarriage" you would have a better sense of how to transition from grief to anger to maybe finally eventually acceptance.
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would--I think you mean world here. You are panning out too much. The lens needs a tighter focus. Forget the world stay with the mother.
Who didn't get to see
But tho they may not know you--though not the abbreviation tho (not something you want to do with this subject matter especially).
There's few who'll never forget--This line doesn't ring true. The world rushes on to forget our tragedies especially when they didn't have a personal direct connection with the subject of our tragedies--that isn't true for the parents. Again tighter lens.
Like me, I promise you
I'll always be your proud Aunt.--Given the context, proud for what reason?
I may have never known your gender--Seems an oddly clinical statement. Alex can be either gender but by putting a complete name in the title the implication is that the parents knew whether they'd have a boy or a girl.
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real--you're not your
That doesn't mean your forever gone--same here
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see-I'll

This needs to move from general and vague to concrete and specific if it's going to work.

I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd

[HersheyKiss]

ill look over all this thanks. and with the gender just a note. the parents didn't know the gender that's why they picked a gender neutral name. So much to build off of here. I want this poem actually to be perfect I plan on giving it to my sister when it's finished. I know she'd appreciate it. She is the one who lost the baby.

[dwestmor]

I think it would be better like this “you would have been a joy I know you’d have made me proud but life didn’t really give you the chance to come around”

I really enjoyed your post. I too have lost a child so I know the heart ache that can leave. However, in the spirit of critique, this section here 
"You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance 
To really come around "
Feels a little forced and it made me read it a couple of times to really get what you were saying because I had lost the rhythm.

Do you think it would be better if i took out the word quite?

[wesliewilkin]

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why - wonder why what? maybe be more specific
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud - you would have made me proud? make sounds future tense, like it's going to happen
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around - I would change this sentence if I were you.
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad - *she's / also maybe use a stronger word than "sad"
But the fact she got to know you - the reader might be confused here. how did she get to know him/her?
It really makes her glad - this sentence could use some revision, maybe switch the words around a little, and change "glad" to a different word
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be - I would change this sentence a little bit. 
Just like the rest of the would - world?
Who didn't get to see - these four lines (she didn't see your face -> who didn't get to see) could use some revision to make them flow better. maybe go into more detail or use different wording.
But tho they may not know you 
There's few who'll never forget
Like me, I promise you
I'll always be your proud Aunt. 
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real - * you're / I'm not sure I would say "you're not real". maybe choose something different
That doesn't mean your forever gone - * you're
Maybe from this Earth 
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see - I think this needs a stronger ending. also, *I'll.

[Cassiopeia88]

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around  This is badly put, it sounds that is phrased this way just for the rhyme's sake
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad
But the fact she got to know you  Unless for the emphasis effect, I wouldn't use "you" twice and try to make it sound as a rhyme
It really makes her glad
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would
Who didn't get to see
But tho they may not know you
There's few who'll never forget
Like me, I promise you  Too much you
I'll always be your proud Aunt.
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real   you're
That doesn't mean your forever gone
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see

While I like sad topics and this is certainly very sad (you have my wholesome sympathy), it's just too simple for me. At times, it sounds more as a confession than a poem. Rhymes are too simple and kind of forced. Still, I'm also a beginner so I'm learning too. do hope writing will help to reduce the pain though.

[Mayhap]

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why -"Why" what exactly?
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around -These last two lines lose the flow
I love the name your mother gave you  
I know shes very sad -I think sad is not the strongest word to convey a mother’s loss
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad -Again I think glad is not a strong enough word
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would -*world?
Who didn't get to see - I am assuming you are saying never got to see their face or just who they would become?
But tho they may not know you -*though?
There's few who'll never forget – Loses the flow mayhap “There’s few who won’t forget”
Like me, I promise you – Are you purposefully rhyming "you" with "you"?
I'll always be your proud Aunt.
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real -*you’re
That doesn't mean your forever gone
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see – It may be stronger if you make it seem like the child is waiting for you in heaven ex. You’ll be there waiting for me ???

The rhyme pattern here is very jilted, I do not know if that is purposeful, but it leaves the end and beginning of the poem a completely different tone than the middle section.
I am so sorry for your loss this must be an incredibly difficult time.