If trees could talk

[lauraelizdok]

If trees could talk


If the old tree could talk,
I think he'd keep it rather short
I mean--
what of value would he have to say
when he's sat on his **** all day?

[tectak]

If trees could talk


If the old tree could talk,
I think he'd keep it rather short
I mean--
what of value would he have to say
when he's sat on his **** all day?...Laurels?

This is frankly not funny in any way BUT humour has difficulty escaping when bound up in rhyme...especially when the rhyme is forced and feeble. Please do not be offended by the latter...but how on earth do you expect a punch-line to work when you do not have the courage to use whatever word you were thinking of...assuming you WERE thinking of a word. I only suggested "laurels" as a pun but it needs something to make it work. Don't be discouraged by this mild offering; just be aware that humour is a funny thing.
Best,
tectak

[ellajam]

If trees could talk


If the old tree could talk,
I think he'd keep it rather short
I mean--
what of value would he have to say
when he's sat on his **** all day?

I think so differently of old trees, imagining all they've seen even from their one spot, how the view must be profoundly changed in a hundred years, at least in my neighborhood. And people don't hush in front of trees, what they must have heard.

Thanks for the opportunity to think about it.

[RiverNotch]

perhaps cut 'of value', since its being placed at the center is what makes the rhyme too obvious; remove 'rather', to keep the rhythm generally terse; punctuate that second line, as it just demands it; and decensor that ending, as that form of self-censorship only undercuts the humor without providing any additional insights.

[nibbed]

If trees could talk


If the old tree could talk,
I think he'd keep it rather short
I mean--
what of value would he have to say
when he's sat on his **** all day?

I kinda understand the asterisks. I'm thinking it doesn't have to do with censorship at all, but that there's really no word that fits. Maybe the poet is very polite, but, really what does a tree sit on? It grows up through the ground, has roots, but it doesn't have a "part" that it actually sits on. As for the meaning of the poem: It seems to refer to respect, as though movement or activity makes someone worthy to receive respect or not. Maybe in some cases it might, but not in all cases. The poem seems to be an unfair criticism of old trees. Every tree doesn't grow the same. One tree might receive sunshine and water, is happy so it stretches forth its limbs and squeezes out lots of fruit. Other trees might be void of sunshine, or a bolt of lightning damaged it, or high winds took down its strong canopy. Perhaps there's something we can't see about the tree, something the tree can't help that makes it unable to talk or feel it's interesting. Maybe the old tree is just plain tuckered out! As for the asterisks, maybe replace them with a blank?

A short poem with a cute idea that generated much thought and discussion! Maybe you could change the second half (after rather short ), "But oh, the words he just might say..."


-nibbed

[AndyBryant123]

I like how you say he'd keep it short, while keeping it short. Clever line.

[Fatman Butter]

Please don't take offence as this is just my opinion and worth only what you have paid for it. I don't actually think this is in any way a poem, rather it is the first thought of something that might be worth exploring to find if there is a poem within. Rather than declaring the tree's perspective as worthless, why not explore what it might have viewed/experienced: a kid climbing into its branches, lovers laying in its shade, lots of stuff. Just stopped short there cos writing this has given me an idea for a poem/story...so maybe I'm not giving bad advice--which is pretty astonishing as I freely admit I don't really know what I'm talking about.

[Thunderembargo]

If trees could talk


If the old tree could talk,
I think he'd keep it rather short
I mean--
what of value would he have to say
when he's sat on his **** all day?

Everything's in place.   Except for the four stars.   It strikes me that there should be three.

[FITAHW_]

If trees could talk


If the old tree could talk,
I think he'd keep it rather short
I mean--
what of value would he have to say
when he's sat on his **** all day?

Hilarious! I love the joke that's straight forward. I also take it as no matter how old you are, if you haven't experienced anything then who's to say you're wise because your old? Some people do absolutely nothing with their lives, yet people still go to them for advice when they are older. I have many different takes on this. I love it.