Seeking balance

[just mercedes]

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.

[tectak]

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.

Tough call, merc, to crit this to the bar. Tell me where the poetry starts/finishes and I will go forum rules. As is  I am powerless. Personally.
Best
tectak

[just mercedes]

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.

Tough call, merc, to crit this to the bar. Tell me where the poetry starts/finishes and I will go forum rules. As is  I am powerless. Personally.
Best
tectak

It's a haibun/prose poetry cross - I'm playing with form. Sorry if it doesn't fit into your categories. 

[tectak]

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.

Tough call, merc, to crit this to the bar. Tell me where the poetry starts/finishes and I will go forum rules. As is  I am powerless. Personally.
Best
tectak

It's a haibun/prose poetry cross - I'm playing with form. Sorry if it doesn't fit into your categories. 

Halibun or pennybun its all just fodder to me As I said, I wish I was qualified to crit or even express an opinion.....

[vagabond]

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.

to be honest: i´m not well-read enough to comment or even understand the mythological part, not to mention connect it to those 3 lines in the middle (and i have to admit i am too lazy to look up all the possible references).

but i do like the short middle part, the metaphor about cups.
i wonder if it is a negative thing to spill.

[just mercedes]

Thank you for reading and commenting, vagabond.

[nibbed]

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.


Hi mercedes. I was getting thought tied on all the names. I put brackets around what I thought could be eliminated without weakening integrity. Also, I'd nudge together the things that are similar in size, importance, or use: roads, embankments, pillars, etc.


best wishes

-nibbed

*additional note (edit of critique): the title you choose might help wrap it all up, at least boost the text/history.


[Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting.] Oroestes [He] schemed, dangled money and men to back the (what/whose troops?) troops. [Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes] He displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. He was slain[Oroestes slew him] ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ [and hung] his body hung outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Today's Islanders [now] won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.

[ritwiksadhu33]

Hi just mercedes,

    I looked up the stories of Oroetus and Polycrates briefly on the web. Given the whole historical context, the haiku in between makes much more sense, although it reads quite well even in context of the preceding and following paragraphs. The latter paragraph, possibly (I think) looking at the archaeological remains on Samos at a later period, is a nice juxtaposition against the alive history of the first, and reinforces the undertones of fate and change weaved earlier, along with a sense of oblivion. There is also a sense of residual fear of the misfortune visited upon Polycrates in the last sentences, possibly borne through oral accounts across generations. I do not know if there's anything outside Herodotus's writings in the opening paragraph, so I can't comment on its  contents. However, the curated visual snapshots presented are very appropriate to the way this is constructed. I'll only say that there's enough nuances here that you could expand this considerably, inserting more Haikus.

Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.

brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance

Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.