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A Poem About A Canal
She spiralled—almost shatterproof—
a victim, a stray country,
like limbs at war.
She tortured and corrupted
and turned my bicycle into a language
that spoke to me and said:
This is your idiot culture,
this shiny system,
this laugh riot.
These fractures and cracks and breaks
are your real bones.
This acrobat is your real flesh.
You're a railway
and, despite your inhibitions,
you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be.
We listened,
ran off, hid, and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid.
Posts: 298
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(09-22-2017, 12:24 PM)shemthepenman Wrote: A Poem About A Canal
She spiralled—almost shatterproof—
a victim, a stray country,
like limbs at war.
She tortured and corrupted
and turned my bicycle into a language
that spoke to me and said:
This is your idiot culture,
this shiny system,
this laugh riot.
These fractures and cracks and breaks
are your real bones.
This acrobat is your real flesh.
You're a railway
and, despite your inhibitions,
you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be.
We listened,
ran off, hid, and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid.
wanted to comment on this poem before but didn´t quite dare.. and now it´s here again. so i ll get over my inhibitions and give it a try, too.
i like this poem, it has a lot of brilliant lines (like "laugh riot") and images (like the railway, that set itself on fire)
and as all good poems it might mean something different to every reader.
limbs at war could be understood in a schizophrenic way, so the subject really talks to himself.
"we" in the last stanza could be another part of the subject.
but "bicycle" seems to be "poems" and the middle stanza would be what the poems say .. so there is some interaction with others involved.
or i could read this as adressed to someone like a stray country, who preaches frustrated/ frustrating views and inadvertently or not victimizes, which could be understood as torturing and corrupting ( i don´t know exactly how that connects but i think it does).
the second stanza seems to be split in two parts with the first being what "she" ´s cursing as she falls, and the part following "you´re a railway" would seem to adress "her" directly.
"railway" puzzled me first but it is a good opposition to "bicycle", because the latter, at least as long as in control, can be steered in any direction freely.
the canal with its dumped poems and floating language seems to be flowing through the last stanza again somewhere in the background
...
Posts: 170
Threads: 53
Joined: Jan 2013
(11-09-2017, 06:24 AM)vagabond Wrote: (09-22-2017, 12:24 PM)shemthepenman Wrote: A Poem About A Canal
She spiralled—almost shatterproof—
a victim, a stray country,
like limbs at war.
She tortured and corrupted
and turned my bicycle into a language
that spoke to me and said:
This is your idiot culture,
this shiny system,
this laugh riot.
These fractures and cracks and breaks
are your real bones.
This acrobat is your real flesh.
You're a railway
and, despite your inhibitions,
you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be.
We listened,
ran off, hid, and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid.
wanted to comment on this poem before but didn´t quite dare.. and now it´s here again. so i ll get over my inhibitions and give it a try, too.
i like this poem, it has a lot of brilliant lines (like "laugh riot") and images (like the railway, that set itself on fire)
and as all good poems it might mean something different to every reader.
limbs at war could be understood in a schizophrenic way, so the subject really talks to himself.
"we" in the last stanza could be another part of the subject.
but "bicycle" seems to be "poems" and the middle stanza would be what the poems say .. so there is some interaction with others involved.
or i could read this as adressed to someone like a stray country, who preaches frustrated/ frustrating views and inadvertently or not victimizes, which could be understood as torturing and corrupting ( i don´t know exactly how that connects but i think it does).
the second stanza seems to be split in two parts with the first being what "she" ´s cursing as she falls, and the part following "you´re a railway" would seem to adress "her" directly.
"railway" puzzled me first but it is a good opposition to "bicycle", because the latter, at least as long as in control, can be steered in any direction freely.
the canal with its dumped poems and floating language seems to be flowing through the last stanza again somewhere in the background
yes, that was uncanny. i deleted my comment. because it makes no sense for me to write a poem that intends to elicit multiple interpretations and then go “this is what it means”. my meaning was always meant to be fluid. and although i did have a scene in my mind while writing it, i’m not married to it at all.
i like your interpretation very much. and i don’t think it necessarily contradicts anything i said about the poem in my deleted comment.
i’m glad you liked it.
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Joined: Feb 2017
I love this poem. The first read through, even though it absolutely had nothing
to do with the poem at all made me think of my recent wipe out when I tried to
take a hill. Then reading it over and over I loved it more and more. It's a poem
about two-sided unconditional love, ultimately. I'm tearing up.
A Poem About A Canal admittedly, the title was edgy and troubled me
She spiralled—almost shatterproof—
a victim, a stray country,
like limbs at war.
She tortured and corrupted
and turned my bicycle into a language
that spoke to me and said:
This is your idiot culture,
this shiny system,
this laugh riot. what a brilliant phrase
These fractures and cracks and breaks
are your real bones. heart of hearts of the matter
This acrobat is your real flesh.
You're a railway
and, despite your inhibitions,
you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be. seemed a bit hard
We listened,
ran off, hid, and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid. best stanza I've read in a poem in forever.
thanks shem
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
Posts: 170
Threads: 53
Joined: Jan 2013
(11-09-2017, 11:24 AM)nibbed Wrote: I love this poem. The first read through, even though it absolutely had nothing
to do with the poem at all made me think of my recent wipe out when I tried to
take a hill. Then reading it over and over I loved it more and more. It's a poem
about two-sided unconditional love, ultimately. I'm tearing up.
A Poem About A Canal admittedly, the title was edgy and troubled me
She spiralled—almost shatterproof—
a victim, a stray country,
like limbs at war.
She tortured and corrupted
and turned my bicycle into a language
that spoke to me and said:
This is your idiot culture,
this shiny system,
this laugh riot. what a brilliant phrase
These fractures and cracks and breaks
are your real bones. heart of hearts of the matter
This acrobat is your real flesh.
You're a railway
and, despite your inhibitions,
you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be. seemed a bit hard
We listened,
ran off, hid, and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid. best stanza I've read in a poem in forever.
thanks shem
-nibbed
that’s nice. i’m glad you liked it.
Posts: 417
Threads: 40
Joined: May 2014
I have read the poem several times. It seems like a pleasant read and it is almost profound. I can't make a lot of sense (shocking, i know) out of
"this shiny system"
No matter what scenario i use to assume meaning to the poem, i can't make this line work in any of them.
I really like the second half of the second stanza.
It just doesn't feel like a poem about a person or a canal. There is a lot of imagery: canals, railways, dustbins, shiny systems, culture. Infrastructure.
Posts: 345
Threads: 34
Joined: Feb 2017
(11-09-2017, 01:48 PM)QDeathstar Wrote: I have read the poem several times. It seems like a pleasant read and it is almost profound. I can't make a lot of sense (shocking, i know) out of
"this shiny system"
No matter what scenario i use to assume meaning to the poem, i can't make this line work in any of them.
I really like the second half of the second stanza.
It just doesn't feel like a poem about a person or a canal. There is a lot of imagery: canals, railways, dustbins, shiny systems, culture. Infrastructure.
Hi, QDeathstar
I was thinking shiny reflected perfection, almost sarcastically
or perhaps it could even fit the quality of anonymity (a play-on words, shyness = shiny)
just a few thoughts
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
Posts: 10
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2015
(09-22-2017, 12:24 PM)shemthepenman Wrote: A Poem About A Canal
She spiralled—almost shatterproof—
a victim, a stray country,
like limbs at war.
She tortured and corrupted
and turned my bicycle into a language
that spoke to me and said:
This is your idiot culture,
this shiny system,
this laugh riot.
These fractures and cracks and breaks
are your real bones.
This acrobat is your real flesh.
You're a railway
and, despite your inhibitions,
you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be.
We listened,
ran off, hid, and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid.
Sad. First, it begins "she" but this she just hangs there, no ref to anything. Is the poet a stray country? Another victim of imagination? Despite these questions I read through to the end where I found the poem describing itself succinctly:
"and spat
some garbled platitudes
on a dustbin lid"
The non-referencing "She" at the very beginning marked a downward spiral that the poem could not pull out of. The bicycle turned into language is a novel even exciting idea that never got off the ground and, worse, it's first destination head-on splat is "idiot culture" -
The writer stepped on himself right out the gate and the result is best expressed by the poem itself:
"you have set yourself on fire
so that everyone can see
exactly what you are
and what you fail to be"
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