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Threads: 285
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![[Image: rain.jpg]](http://wordbiscuit.com/im19/rain.jpg)
< if i haven't confused the dreams >
if i haven't confused the dreams
you will come home
the rain
and the sounds
and the stillness
left like smiles
like our eyes
when it's dark
clocks twist right
and i keep watching them
never knowing when
to expect you
you're gone from this moment
but i won't give up counting
you're here in the stillness
in the remembered sounds
like a rain without words
singing
just to hear a voice
just to give up waiting
if i haven't confused the dreams
you will come home
- - -
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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Hi Ray
This is quite haunting and atmospheric, I don't think I needed the picture, you words were enough to convey the image. I really like the title setting up the whole piece, I struggled to interpret, left like smiles like our eyes when it's dark, the left like smiles line closes off the previous lines so I wasn't expecting another simaly so quickly so it confused the image I had. The penultimate stanza is my favourite, I know it's sad but it's set in those cold quiet moment when we're at our most vulnerable. I also like how you use the repeat in the close and how it lets the reader decide happy or sad ending. Very much enjoyed the read Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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I really like the image. reminds me of scratched vinyl, suits the longing for the fresh past now beat to shit that the poem holds.
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you cram such a lot into a simple poem.
"clocks twist right" is one of the best images i've read in a long time.
the rest of the poem is full of loneliness, hope and belief. good stuff
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i like the image on its own -- i don't particularly like it with this piece. it's unnecessary -- or perhaps i've just had enough of rain, this damned rainy season is making my get-home-at-seven-o'clocks become get-home-at-nine. really, my schedule is rather ideal: fuck the Philippine public transportation system, fuck Manila's ill-planned streets, fuck anthropogenic climate change.
as for the piece itself, i don't think there's really anything to say. it's its own thing, when compared to the image -- when compared to stuff outside of the thread, well, it definitely pushed a little tear out of my eye. really beautiful, and a little purer than some of the stuff you've lately posted before this, in the sense that, at least for me, the emotions are evoked without utilizing any special techniques (or soft cheek). it might venture into the too mundane, it reads that unassuming, but then "clocks twist right", and, at least for me, the solid memorability of "if i haven't confused the dreams". really, really, really lovely work.
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(09-20-2017, 09:31 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: if i haven't confused the dreams
you will come home
the rain
and the sounds
and the stillness
left like smiles
like our eyes
when it's dark "..left like eyes in the dark". not really gone
clocks twist right twist.. painfully
and i keep watching them
never knowing when
to expect you
you're gone from this moment
but i won't give up counting counting.. seems to be counting against the clock. a fight of faith against pain
you're here in the stillness
in the remembered sounds
like a rain without words
singing
just to hear a voice
just to give up waiting give up waiting.. for something else. dreams, delusions. there´s danger in this line.
if i haven't confused the dreams
you will come home
this is such a strong call.
...
