'End

[digna_sofia]

One of two poems I wrote over the course of this week. I hope it doesn't suck too much.

At the very last day of every work week is an
impatience
overwhelming
landing on my shoulder and nipping at my ears.

Making every single word
as daunting as and ogre
and every single phrase
another bridge to cross,

the gnarled weekend grasps me.

It does not let me go.

[addy]

A minor spelling mistake in line 6, but overall for me it has impeccable pacing and structure. I guess if I had to nitpick the image of the gnarled weekend threw me as to the sense of the poem. Is it that you anticipate the weekend such that the anticipation no longer feels like joy but is torturous? I feel like I may be missing it.

Nevertheless, fine, fine work

[Todd]

Hello,

No, it doesn't suck

When I give comment or critique I try to separate out what is bad and what is simply a style choice different than what I would do. Your lines are not how I would break them but having said that I don't think they're bad at all. I find the way you use your long and short lines here give the piece a real interesting pace.

One of two poems I wrote over the course of this week. I hope it doesn't suck too much.

At the very last day of every work week is an
impatience
overwhelming--I like the syntax shift on this you would expect overwhelming impatience. It works well reversed and I like the way overwhelming plays off of landing.
landing on my shoulder and nipping at my ears.

Making every single word
as daunting as and ogre--addy already pointed out the "an" instead of "and" minor typo. My question here though is given the fairy tale nature of the image and the bridge in the later line would troll be better than ogre?
and every single phrase
another bridge to cross,--This entire strope is the best in the poem for me

the gnarled weekend grasps me.--gnarled is a cool word. We are left with the ambigutiy of the word it could be meant as something rugged, or something that conveys a sullen, melancholy mood. It's a versatile choice. It also has a nature sense to it like roots. It seems to be that the narrator gets pulled away from the artificial nature of work back to their true self. Or at least that is the tension. I like the final two lines and the break between them I think also works.

It does not let me go.

I enjoyed this. Thanks.

Best,

Todd

[heslopian]

Crisp and crunchy short poem. This most certainly does not suck.

One of two poems I wrote over the course of this week. I hope it doesn't suck too much.

At the very last day of every work week is an The rhythm stumbles a bit here. Would "each working week" instead of "every work week" improve the flow?
impatience
overwhelming Like the listing technique here.
landing on my shoulder and nipping at my ears.

Making every single word
as daunting as and ogre Typo: Should be "an ogre."
and every single phrase
another bridge to cross, Brilliant. Concise and unique.

the gnarled weekend grasps me.

It does not let me go.

Great last two lines. Effectively sinister.

[billy]

One of two poems I wrote over the course of this week. I hope it doesn't suck too much.

At the very last day of every work week is an
impatience
overwhelming
landing on my shoulder and nipping at my ears.

Making every single word
as daunting as and ogre
and every single phrase
another bridge to cross,

the gnarled weekend grasps me.

It does not let me go.

i won't point out the bad word 'and" oops
i've been coming back to this one a few times and moved from bah to mmmm to ooooooooohhhhhhhhh

if i had one nit it would be grasps. would a stronger word or even an expletive do. for me the poem screams out for an expletive.

eventually, a really good read
thanks as always digna.