The Feeling of life

[spiritthebrave]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

[ellajam]

Hi, spirit. For me this poem lacks what I need from a poem, it tells me what the N thinks instead of giving me language and imagery that make me feel what the N feels. I'd like an example of how "to feel is to live": both feel and live are too abstract, encompass too many different possibilities, for the poem to lead me in any direction. Try the links in my sig for ideas of how to do this.

I hope you find the site as useful and fun to learn on as I have.

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

[Richard]

Hey spiritthebrave,
I like the ideas you express here. I would just suggest expressing them a bit more abstractly. I'll go into more detail below:

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality -I feel like you should add a metaphor or simile here. Say something like "to be struck by reality is like..."
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment -May be add another metaphor here, or even personify the moment in some way. You could say something like, "this moment, begging for your touch," or something like that.
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

Forgive me if my suggestions are too much for basic critique, but I feel like you have some good ideas here and you just need to express them a bit differently.

Keep writing,
Richard

[theyellowfog]

You've expressed a wonderful sentiment here. I wonder if you thought about what brought on this thought, if it was a particular thing, if you could give more examples in the poem that were more concrete for the reader? I'd be curious as to what brought this on (certainly, something like "feeling your heart beat once again" is spectacular) and I think that would add a lot of power to what you're already saying.

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

[Voodoogirl]

I really appreciate the simplicity of this, though I must admit I expected a bit more when reading the title. "The feeling of life" is a rather large topic so I guess what I am trying to say is maybe expanding on the specific feeling that led to this poem. The moment life continues? What was happening when the heart stopped beating and then what action was taken to bring life back? I think that is what I am trying to pull from this. Just a few more words here and there that could describe the experience and action. Sorry I am new at this and probably will stumble along for a bit. All in all I found this relatable.

[Jokers Wild]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

Hi Spirit;
I've read this piece several times and I like where you're going with it,  I appreciate that it is driven by the verbs. being "struck by reality is a genius transition into the relevance of emotions to the moment.  In the second line, I would drop "by others" and phrase the line...maybe... "to touch and be touched" eliminates the qualifier and allows the reader a more sensual interpretation.  Don't be afraid to incorporate emotions or personify verbs; for example, "to be caressed by a breeze or a lover's breath." In line seven, the word "execute" lends an awkward feel to the phrasing...maybe consider, "actions can only be taken in the moment..." taken opens the interpretation and elicits a physiological response from the reader, depending on their interpretation.  Loved the ending.  It cemented the piece together.  Yes, my friend, to feel IS to live and to be in the moment is to receive those experiences that make life worth living.  Even pain and loss give perspective and magnifies the sweetness of life.   Keep it up.

[typing mantis]

Hi,
I like how simple your poem is. I noticed that it doesn't contain any characters, or objects, it is simply an "essence".
I feel like it sits a bit too light, though. I think it would carry more impact if the flow of consequences from one line of the poem to the next was more gradual rather than abrupt.

[Pat Doiron]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

hey spiritthebrave, I get the direction you wanted to go with this, simple poetry can get a strong point across but here I feel I need to fill in to many "blanks" I find it to be "to the point" and perhaps not abstract enough to properly "feel". I understand what you're saying but cant relate a feeling to it. what is this poem trying to relate to us? i have no advice for you really, just thought I'd share my point of view

[Wright]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

Hello,
Part of me really enjoys the idea of this poem including its simplicity, but another part of me doesn't for the same reason. I feel that the point your making is good but not very strong. If that was the intent I feel like I missed it. To live is something so hard to write and define especially in vague lines like the ones you have. There isn't much direction to your poem saying living is the things we do when we live and recognizing that is existence.  I'm unsure what this poem wants me think or realize. Keep up the work though!

[PenPCB]

I like how you expressed the importance of those little things that define our life
i think lines 3 & 8 could use some more words, maybe a contradicting image to make your point clearer

[billy]

for me it reads more like a footnote that lacks any real feeling or emotion it doesn't cut me or hold me in any way. it uses many words to say so little. use a few metaphors/similes and try not to be profound.

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

[fuzzyllama1]

To feel is to live - To feel is such a broad topic, I'd love for the poem to be longer, for you to touch more on what it means to feel. 
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again - Perhaps "feel" rather than "felt" since you used that in the first line. It'll give repetition and closure to the poem.

Reminds me of the medical field. Nursing specifically. There can be so much intensity and feeling packed into one moment. It's kinda hard to describe it, but that's what life is. Indescribable moments. I'd love to see more of how you try to describe that moment.

[Thunderembargo]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

These are good and accurate notes, anecdotes, morals, aphorisms, upon which to build a poem.   Go.  For.  It.

YOur handle is already truly intriguing, so it will be interesting to be "struck by the reality" of your poetry.

[hanumang108]

Obviously, you can't argue with the truths here, but the obviousness of it is also what makes it inelegant. There's no actual feeling here, which one would assume should be paramount giving the title. I like the concepts, so my suggestion would be to rewrite this and try to express the 'feelings' associated with these ideas.

[alonso ramoran]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality These four lines seem to lack any originality. Great concept, yes, but that pat on the back also goes to millions of other people that had a go at it. Get creative with it.
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment This is probably my most enjoyed line from the poem. It has some dynamic and a sort of sharpness to it, but again, it's still lacking originality.
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

Expand on this thought. Reference things you've seen/known happen, things you've been through to inspire this feeling of loving experiences and admiring the unpredictability of life.

[DS85]

For me, what I thought was missing was show of empathy.

"To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others"

To touch requires another person who also feels

"for our feelings inspire actions"

At least for me, in my life experiences, I do act on my feelings but others feelings also inspire actions.
The feelings of a lover,
The feelings of a child,
The feelings of a good friend.

I guess you could say that it was inferred.


New to the forum so sorry for formatting.

[FledglingTroubadour]

I enjoyed this very much. I would have liked a little more imagery, I felt directed to the point you were making. It would have been fun to have to find my own way there a little bit. 

[milo]

To feel is to live
to touch, and be touched by others
to experience
to be struck by reality
and be present
for our feelings inspire actions
and actions can only be executed in the moment
this moment
the moment you felt your heart beat once again

I think, overall, this fails as a poem.  

It is a list of platitudes, like live each day to its fullest.

Who is this narrator to tell me what feeling and living are about.  I get no revelation, no humanity.

I think the best strategy might be to take ONE platitude here and really develop it through imagery, metaphor and character.

Best of luck