Thirty-Two Years Later

[71degrees]

She pulls her eyes
out of their sockets,
holds them tightly
in each hand,
and tells me,

"See the things
I have seen,
the wonders.
This is my gift
to you."

I hold them close to me,
try to look through them.

I suppose it is the law
of nature their warm sight
fades a bit to dry and hollow—

But these eyes have seen
all the fragments of everything
good and bad ever seen—

my hoary silence, the fat
of the day, a declension
of starlings against our sky.

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

She pulls her eyes
out of their sockets,                                                        
holds them tightly                                                          
in each hand,
and tells me,

         "See the things
         I have seen,                                                           
         the wonders.
         This is my gift                                                        This is my gift to for you
         to you."                                                                 

I hold them close to me,                                                 
try to look through them.

I suppose it is the law
of nature their warm sight                                              Punctuation after nature
fades a bit to dry and hollow—

But these eyes have seen                                                
all the fragments of everything                                       Using the word 'seen' twice makes it a little bit repetitive, perhaps go for 'witnessed'?
good and bad ever seen—                                     

my hoary silence, the fat                                                Brilliant choice of words, i love the flow of it.                                           
of the day, a declension
of starlings against our sky.                                            

The Poem is rather abstract and that's just the way i like it. 

Here's my personal take on the poem:

'she' wants to tell her life story to someone. She's most likely an old lady since she had already seen the wonders of the world and it also reflects perfectly with the title, meaning that she wants to tell what she had done in those 32 years. With "I hold... ...through them"  'I' is trying to best to picture the story in front of him, just like it's being told - seeing the world through her eyes. Regarding the law of nature, and it fading to dry and hollow, i'm a bit lost there though.  The ending is brilliant, as the 'I' is left in awe from the story he just heard, it had touched him so much that it declenses the sky, thus broading his horizon and perspective of the world.  

Great piece of work!

[nibbed]

Hello. Interesting read, just a bit musty. That's how I felt reading it, though I don't know why or why I am even saying musty...I also wondered about the title and if the narrator is edging toward sarcasm? Interesting poem!



She pulls her eyes
out of their sockets,
holds them tightly
in each hand,
and tells me,

"See the things
I have seen,
the wonders.
This is my gift
to you."                                                        

I hold them close to me,
try to look through them.                               -These parts, so far, are pretty awesome.

I suppose it is the law                                       -The composition and rhythm stumbles in this stanza
of nature their warm sight
fades a bit to dry and hollow—

But these eyes have seen                                -have seen, ever seen, a bit redundant, rushed expression-perhaps intentional?
all the fragments of everything
good and bad ever seen—

my hoary silence, the fat                                 -more stumbling and disorder in the stanza,
of the day, a declension                                    though after the comma I found a lovely phrase.
of starlings against our sky.    



Thank you for the interesting read.  
All the best. Janine

[vagabond]

She pulls her eyes
out of their sockets,
holds them tightly                  don´t see why this is significant
in each hand,
and tells me,

"See the things
I have seen,
the wonders.
This is my gift
to you."

I hold them close to me,                  I wonder if this stanza could be more drastic.. at least I´d erase the “try to”
try to look through them.

I suppose it is the law
of nature their warm sight
fades a bit to dry and hollow—

But these eyes have seen
all the fragments of everything     I´d leave “all the” out and I think the following line is unnecessary as everything already includes all.
good and bad ever seen—

my hoary silence, the fat
of the day, a declension
of starlings against our sky.
 

 if it weren´t for the title it would seem to me as if  “she” were time, giving the subject cataract and some wisdom of old age.
probably just one aspect that can be found in your poem, great read.

[Achebe]

She pulls her eyes
out of their sockets, ...the opening is startling, and effective.
holds them tightly ...'tightly' is a nice choice of word.It suggests that the 'eyes' - a metaphor for a poem etc (see below) - are important to the person
in each hand,
and tells me,

         "See the things
         I have seen,
         the wonders.
         This is my gift
         to you."  ................................excellent. I get the impression that you're reading someone's journal  / book of poems / something artsy and autobiographical

I hold them close to me,
try to look through them. ...still good control of the metaphor

I suppose it is the law
of nature their warm sight
fades a bit to dry and hollow— ... I don't see the connection between 'warmth' and 'hollowness'. this stanza makes no sense for me.

But these eyes have seen ... not sure what the 'but' is supposed to contradict
all the fragments of everything
good and bad ever seen— ... 'everything' and 'ever' confuse me - are you being hyperbolic for the sake of it, or is there a meaning that I'm missing?

my hoary silence, the fat ...'hoary' anything is a bit overused, though not exactly a cliche
of the day, a declension ...excellent enjambment, memorable phrase
of starlings against our sky. ..it sounds wonderful, but I'm not sure about 'declension' - what does it mean, other than something in grammar?

[Szczepan]

She pulls her eyes
out of their sockets,
holds them tightly
in each hand,
and tells me, <<< Kind of morbid but somehow doesn't detract.

"See the things
I have seen,
the wonders.
This is my gift
to you." <<< If I reread the 1st few lines, I now get the sense that the "gift" comes at great sacrifice. If that was the intent, bravo!

I hold them close to me,
try to look through them. <<< trying to see things as another person would...?

I suppose it is the law
of nature their warm sight
fades a bit to dry and hollow— <<< not fitting this part in with the rest ... might be me

But these eyes have seen
all the fragments of everything
good and bad ever seen— << fits better...

my hoary silence, the fat
of the day, a declension
of starlings against our sky. <<<< back to not fitting ....

Bottom Line: I like where this is going....

[tectak]

Hello 71. I know this is in mild but a line by line would help me to read the piece with confidence. As it is I wince inwardly (only slightly) at some of the phrasing...in another room I could argue that it matters not a jot because this is quintessentially an exercise in form. The obscurity is a side issue which I do not intend involving myself with.
She pulls her eyes Though a startling opener I am not yet able to say why because I do not yet know who "she" is...and may never know. Have you consdered at the very least giving "she" a name?
out of their sockets,
holds them tightly
in each hand,
and tells me, Though you say she "tells" you, she does not. To "tell" is to impart information. This next stanza does not "tell"...it merely "says". You may find a better way of introducing her "offer" which would be more salient. Again, I am not interpreting meaning but questioning the clarity of the phrasing.

         "See the things
         I have seen,
         the wonders. I cannot but feel that this sentence has been cut off at the knees...you see, I don't know who this benefactor is. She may have been to Disney World but you may have seen the Grand Canyon from space.
         This is my gift
         to you."

I hold them close to me,
try to look through them. Most unnatural. The complexity of confusion "seen" by everyone when dreaming. Please don't make it a dream.

I suppose it is the law
of nature their warm sight
fades a bit to dry and hollow— Sorry, but verging on nonsensical...to put it mildly. In fact, I have no idea what this stanza means."fades a bit" is just sloppy and fade to dry and hollow is measuring distance in ounces.

But these eyes have seen
all the fragments of everything
good and bad ever seen— You have now lost your own thread so I have no chance. Read this stanza out loud, slowly then rewrite it with precision. It may still be obscure but it will be clearly obscure 

my hoary silence, the fat Hoary? Hoary...Huh?
of the day, a declensionI know very well what declension means...but what do you think it means?
of starlings against our sky.Err....quite. Lost me