The Kiss of the Coffin Lid (or An Evening's Inventory)

[heslopian]

Too tired to read prose, and unwilling
to waste away before sitcoms,
I content myself with Stevie Smith,
her childish, sinister poems,
and old film clips of Truman Capote
discussing James with Groucho Marx,
as well as this verse I’m composing
right now. The latter, seemingly,
is my most eloquent delight,
the recording of an eve wasted
through hopeless, broken rhyme.
But is despair truly a crime?
I don’t know. I don’t know
very much anymore, if I ever did,
so now I wait for the furtive kiss
of the nailed down black coffin lid.

[billy]

i never take the person in the poem to be the writer.
the following lines are a gem;

I content myself with Stevie Smith,
her childish, sinister poems,
and old film clips of Truman Capote
discussing James with Groucho Marx,

while for me;

as well as this verse I’m composing
right now.

feels tacked on to fill a bit of space.
the rest of the poem

But is despair truly a crime?
I don’t know. I don’t know
very much anymore, if I ever did,
so now I wait for the furtive kiss
of the nailed down black coffin lid.

brings the poem back on track and i think the reiteration of
i don't know is perfect.

jmo

for me it doesn't need much of an edit to make it shine.

[heslopian]

Please forgive the lateness of my reply, Billy, and thanks for the feedback and kind words That line you mentioned - "as well as this verse I’m composing/right now" - was purely perfunctory; whenever I hit a mental block, that's how I smash my way through: by somehow alluding to the poem itself. It's a corny tactic, but it's helped me keep going in the past. I'll see if I can class it up, make it a bit less obvious.
Glad you liked the rest of the piece, especially those lines where I reference artists; I'm not sure how famous Capote is now (I only discovered his stories by chance) so I worried that might be too esoteric.

[billy]

most have heard of breakfast at Tiffany's even if they don't know who wrote it. and isn't there a new film out about him?

it sounds like a good technique, it has to be easier to change in an edit than to have no edit to change, (did that make sense?)

[heslopian]

Yeah, there's two in fact, one called Capote starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Infamous with Toby Jones. Both focus on the writing of his most acclaimed/controversial work, In Cold Blood.

And yes, that did make sense. Though maybe that means I'm as crazy as you