Answer the Wind

[mcauburn]

No frets, no bars, no chords do I care,
I’m driven by music that flows through the air.

It wakes me, shakes me, blows me back in my chair,
Rocking and rolling until there is no despair.

I answer the wind with bars of my own,
Ripping and riffing until I feel right at home.

At the end of the night, when I’m worn to the bone,
I tuck away my instrument and fall asleep to the metronome.

[kolemath]

I can relate to the content of the poem, but much of it feels cliche (e.g. there is no despair, right at home). also, i think you're going for a fixed rhythm, but a few lines aren't rhythmic (e.g. rolling until there, riffing until i feel).

thanks for posting

[Donald Q.]

I like a happy poem about music, but as Kole has pointed out, you need to tighten the rhythm, and I'd perhaps try to use more concrete imagery.

Also the last two lines sounded a bit over-sexual, although maybe I'm just being childish (It often happens)

[mcauburn]

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I like a happy poem about music, but as Kole has pointed out, you need to tighten the rhythm, and I'd perhaps try to use more concrete imagery.

Also the last two lines sounded a bit over-sexual, although maybe I'm just being childish (It often happens)

Frets, bars, chords, riff, hair blown back, what additional imagery would you add to the poem for a musician?  Also, no sexual overtones intended.  Tell me, what lines are sexual from your perspective?  Thank you for your feedback.

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I'll work on the rhythm.

[Donald Q.]

I'll work on the rythum.

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I like a happy poem about music, but as Kole has pointed out, you need to tighten the rhythm, and I'd perhaps try to use more concrete imagery.

Also the last two lines sounded a bit over-sexual, although maybe I'm just being childish (It often happens)

Frets, bars, chords, riff, hair blown back, what additional imagery would you add to the poem for a musician?  Also, no sexual overtones intended.  Tell me, what lines are sexual from your perspective?  Thank you for your feedback.

---

I'll work on the rhythm.

What I mean is there is little contextual imagery; you are using musical imagery, but little else. From where does the wind blow? Where does the musician play; where is his 'chair'; is this all just solitary, indoors? Why does he not feel 'right at home' until the music plays? I don't need a complete diagram or anything, but just some distinctive ambiance.

As for the sexual overtones, it's probably just because of the stress placed on 'bone'... I can tell you aren't taking the piss, but "I’m worn to the bone, I tuck away my instrument and fall asleep" just seems a tad suggestive.

[Flos Campi]

I think the effect of the poem might be improved if you do not explicitly mention the word "music" in line 2. The subject is implied well enough in line 1 and throughout the poem that using the word itself becomes unnecessary and disrupts the imagery-focused tone of the rest of the poem. Beside, the impact of finally introducing the speaker's instrument and metronome in the last line would be much stronger if it is the first explicit, physical mention of music and related objects. Also, as others have mentioned, taking time to tighten up the rhythm of a few lines (line 4 and the final line stand out the most to me) will greatly help the aesthetics of the poem.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed the poem, especially as a musician myself. I really like your creative use of sentence structure (e.g. line 1) and, of course, the wonderful emotional impact of the poem as a whole.

[Shelrabbi]

The read I get is that you're talking about singing. If that's not your intention, you may want to be more explicit about your instrument

I agree that the meter is a little off. It looks like you're messing with the rhythm in order to say what you want to say, but that's like adding notes into someone else's song because you like them. You have to work within the structure you set for yourself. 

I like the feeling of it. Lots of openness. The topic is clear, as is your feeling about it, though, like someone above said, more context for the imagery would improve the poem substantially.

[muteyy]

Hello mcauburn! Without reading what others have written to keep things as simple as possible, I feel your rhyming is a bit forced. In some lines, it feels like you are adding additional words to get to a rhyme that you see in your head. I understand, and appreciate that in one sense, however, in the other sense it makes it difficult on the reader to actually read. I know personally, I had a flow with how I was taking in your poem, but then there would be lines where I was completely thrown off my course and that led me to lose my focus on what was being said.

After re-reading the poem, I really enjoyed what you were trying to put across. (Given that it is my mind, not others.) I enjoy music, although I do not practice it myself, I can understand the quarrels one might face while practicing, and perfecting that art form. So I believe with a little rework, you could really accomplish a lot with this.

[pbillyc]

Thank you for this poem. There is something about music that really grips. The imagery that you use is the way that I imagine it feels when performing. I am new at critiquing so I do not have much advice about how to improve, but just want to say that I am grateful to read poetry about this subject.

[worros]

I answer the wind with bars of my own,
Ripping and riffing until I feel right at home.

I love these lines specifically because me and my brothers all play guitar and music has been a driving force in my life. I was in symphonic band so this hits home not exactly the way you describe but I still feel it. I do feel like your meter is a bit off and some of the lines are a bit long. Also in the beginning it seems like you're talking about singing and then you mention riffing like you're playing guitar so you might want to clear that up.