The Turn of a Knob

[JasonM.]

The Turn of a Knob

It was the turn of a knob 
that steered my ship west bound
where the golden queen kisses
her lovers blue skin. 

It was the crack of the hinges 
that steered my ship south bound
where the white king loses vision
of the cold kingdom he once ruled. 

It was the sight beyond 
that steered my ship east bound
where the hidden prince is spotted
on top of his desert dunes  

It was the foot in the door 
that tore my ship in half,
with the north in my sights,
where the lord of truth
holds for only true travelers.

Those seeking more than the treasures
that arise from discovered lands.
They look past the gold and hold on to the value
of the lessons they learned.
So they may become 
masters of their craft. 

[Achebe]

Hello Jason - my principal observation is that you aren't clear on what you're trying to convey

The Turn of a Knob

It was the turn of a knob 
that steered my ship west bound
where the golden queen kisses
her lovers blue skin. ...this is an unnecessary euphemism. Unless the rest of your poem returns to the (rather flowery) queen/ lover metaphor of the sun and the sea, there's no point having it here. If you're thinking it sounds "poetic", it doesn't.

It was the crack of the hinges 
that steered my ship south bound
where the white king loses vision
of the cold kingdom he once ruled. ..again, you persist in trying to sound poetic. 

It was the sight beyond 
that steered my ship east bound ...the ship is going round in circles, the impression I have at this point is that the pilot is lost
where the hidden prince is spotted
on top of his desert dunes 

It was the foot in the door 
that tore my ship in half, 
with the north in my sights, ..but weren't you facing east?
where the lord of truth
holds for only true travelers...what does this mean?

Those seeking more than the treasures
that arise from discovered lands.
They look past the gold and hold on to the value
of the lessons they learned.
So they may become 
masters of their craft. ...it seems unlikely that a pilot who runs his ship round in circles not knowing where he wants to go would be master of his craft

[Donald Q.]

The Turn of a Knob

It was the turn of a knob   
that steered my ship west bound     You don't really use a knob to steer a ship?
where the golden queen kisses
her lovers blue skin.    The sun and the sea? 

that steered my ship south bound
It was the crack of the hinges  Ok, is this a metaphor for a door? 
where the white king loses vision
of the cold kingdom he once ruled.  A warmer climate I guess.

It was the sight beyond 
that steered my ship east bound
where the hidden prince is spotted
on top of his desert dunes  

It was the foot in the door  The door metaphor returns, still not sure how it fits with the ship though
that tore my ship in half,
with the north in my sights,
where the lord of truth
holds for only true travelers. 

Those seeking more than the treasures
that arise from discovered lands.
They look past the gold and hold on to the value
of the lessons they learned.  Which are what, exactly? 
So they may become 
masters of their craft.  What craft?

Hi Jason, my analysis of your poem here is focused really on the meaning. You set up a slightly confusing metaphor between door and ship that never really pays off, I'm not sure if it is a reference to some real life mariner, but the ending seems very general, reaching conclusions that the reader has not. That being said, you clearly have a compass based structure in mind, which is an effective start. I think you can make the journey of the poem have a clearer meaning and make sure your metaphor is working the way you want. Furthermore the imagery of kings and queens never really comes to anything specific, rather just seems to have used to make the poem sound grander.

[JasonM.]

Thanks for the reply! I posted this one because I was having trouble conveying a message. The poem is representing someone who is beginning something new, or trying to get their foot in the door. I used the boat to symbolize the journey and how when we discover more in what were trying it can change the sense of direction. I agree with grander comment. 

I will revise it and see how it can make it more clear.

[homer1950]

The Turn of a Knob

It was the turn of a knob 
that steered my ship west bound
where the golden queen kisses
her lovers blue skin. 

It was the crack of the hinges 
that steered my ship south bound
where the white king loses vision
of the cold kingdom he once ruled. 

It was the sight beyond 
that steered my ship east bound
where the hidden prince is spotted
on top of his desert dunes  

It was the foot in the door 
that tore my ship in half,
with the north in my sights,
where the lord of truth
holds for only true travelers.

Those seeking more than the treasures
that arise from discovered lands.
They look past the gold and hold on to the value
of the lessons they learned.
So they may become 
masters of their craft. 

Hey Jason, 

The vividness of your descriptions are great, however your poem has many allusions to people, places and things that I as the reader do not know or can vaguely comprehend. Perhaps you can try writing about real destinations and describe things that everyone can relate to. 

Thanks Homer