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Assyrian New Year’s Toast
edit1;
Our calendars change, our watches are set.
This promising New Year runs before us
like a defeated host,
a lion wounded with arrows.
Pursue it in haste,
hot caution and joy -
with vengeance held in our hands!
Non-practicing atheist
just mercedes
Unregistered
I'll drink to that! Although I don't do vengeance.
Posts: 1,139
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how about lions..., just to remove that (a)?
just mercedes
Unregistered
wounded by? lions yes, but then you should persue them, not it. Or is the army, singular?
Meh. I've bogged down - I'll come back.
Posts: 1,176
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edit1;
Our calendars change, our watches are set.
This promising New Year runs before us
like a defeated host,
a lion wounded with arrows.
Pursue it in haste,
hot caution and joy -
with vengeance held in our hands!
@both - Went back to fix that obvious problem and found out why it was there - getting the rhythm and number to all sync up is messy. "[H]ost" is archaic, but fixes the syllable count (and was the only one-syllable collective noun for "army" I could think of). And what could be more archaic than Assyrians?
@just mercedes - to misquote Napoleon, you may not do vengeance, but vengeance can do you.
Non-practicing atheist
Posts: 21
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Hi dukealien! I like how unexpected the imagery is.
(01-03-2017, 11:30 PM)dukealien Wrote: Assyrian New Year’s Toast
edit1;
Our calendars change, our watches are set. -- I don't think you need 'are.' Or you could change 'set' to something else to keep the symmetry of three words, separated by a comma
This promising New Year runs before us -- I don't think you need promising -- I'd do "The New Year runs before us."
like a defeated host,
a lion wounded with arrows. -- love the idea that the New Year brings rich reward that can be attained through some effort
Pursue it in haste,
hot caution and joy - 'hot caution' is such a interesting combo -- I like it
with vengeance held in our hands!
