Riot in London.
#1
________ A.N. Billy I have attempted to be better with my trigger happy commas, I hope it's alright. ___________

Riot in London.


Blood is running down my thigh,
Causes me to tremble, I'm cold.
I can't offer an answer why for
It is not a tale that is simply told.

My words are all tied in little knots,
Sprawled on the floor for a crime I did commit.
It was a crime of hatred to those Condemned lots
How I wished I'd rather quietly sit.

We casually discussed the movement of our land
Taking it upon ourselves to decide its shape
But the little sparks are forming in the palm of my hand
And your vile mouth will soon be covered by our red tape.

We are not to speak although we bleed
Not to speak although we feel,
Not to speak or breath or read.
We are not to speak, for it's all too real.

Make us pay, pay pay,
For our education.
That is not okay
And this is our demonstration.
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#2
lol.

it reads much better Wink
my feedback here would be to go over the syntax,

ie; making us pay, pay, pay,
and,
blood, running down my thigh

and few solid images, a small edit is you need to strengthen it and make it
a more powerfull piece.
thanks for the read as always LF
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