How to Make It in Life

[theredbaron]

There's no sweeter smell
than the dry roth
in the old house
where you rented a small room.

Far out in the suburbs,
far from indulgance,
wealth, comforth,
capitalism.

Your weak thin fingers
squeezed many oranges
to fill two small glasses
for us both.

-While my weak heart
squeezed a lot of tar out of it,
to make me good and clean,
to make it with someone like you.

I didn't make it with someone like you,
I didn't make it with someone unlike you.
I made it with comfort, indulgence and tar.
All others I lost.

[rowens]

There's no sweeter smell
than the dry roth     Straight-faced Jewish humor smells stronger than you'd think. 
in the old house
where you rented a small room.

Far out in the suburbs,
far from indulgance,
wealth, comforth, come forth?
capitalism.

Your weak thin fingers
squeezed many oranges
to fill two small glasses
for us both.

-While my weak heart
squeezed a lot of tar out of it,
to make me good and clean,
to make it with someone like you.

I didn't make it with someone like you,
I didn't make it with someone unlike you.
I made it with comfort, indulgence and tar.
All others I lost.

I think the last stanza is the best. It sums up something, but I don't know what. There are plenty of distractions that could be cleaned up. Then, to me it seems like it's always on the verge of saying something, but never quite does.

---TheWWIFlyingAce

[Sparkydashforth]

Hi theredbaron,

enjoyed this poem -

There's no sweeter smell
than the dry roth.................a district in Bavaria? Strange, I don't get this but I really like it.
in the old house.................I think you could cut this line
where you rented a small room................nice.. says much.

Far out in the suburbs,  ........suburbs tend to be connected to capitalism, so I'm having trouble
far from indulgence, ......................with the logic here.
wealth, comforth,..........?  did you mean comfort
capitalism.

Your weak thin fingers
squeezed many oranges
to fill two small glasses
for us both.       .............Like this stanza, it sets up the extended metaphor for next lines.

-While my weak heart
squeezed a lot of tar out of it,
to make me good and clean,
to make it with someone like you...................nicely done. You completed  the 'squeeze' image

I didn't make it with someone like you,
I didn't make it with someone unlike you.
I made it with comfort, indulgence and tar...........like these lines, but don't get the 'tar' thing.
All others I lost..................Nice closing line.