The Ocean's letter to the first lighthouse

[Lawrence]

A letter to the first lighthouse


Oh, yellow-eyed cyclops
Mapping the night
With its carouseling stare
How much mystery
Did I own before
The language of your light?

Even as I write,
I see sailors navigating
The stone-toothed coast
Boats dodging coral reefs
Move smoothly through the sea,
Docking in their city ports

Oh, the countless trophies
You have stolen from me
And oh, the countless hours
I have spent worrying
Thinking with each breaking wave
“When I will be nothing more
Than a highway?”

I know
The coast will be the first to go.
Why?

Because once, the sun was a chariot
Once, dragons slept in the hills
Once, I was ruled with a trident,
And once, there was chaos
Then, fire.
Crude fire.

[billy]

A letter to the first lighthouse


Oh, yellow-eyed cyclops (cyclops has a cap C )
Mapping the night
With its carouseling stare
How much mystery
Did I own before
The language of your light?
nothing i don't like about the 1st verse.

Even as I write,
I see sailors navigating
The stone-toothed coast
Boats dodging coral reefs [feels a little weak]
Move smoothly through the sea,
Docking in their city ports

Oh, the countless trophies
You have stolen from me
And oh, the countless hours
I have spent worrying
Thinking with each breaking wave
“When I will be nothing more
Than a highway?”
this works well

I know
The coast will be the first to go.
Why?

Because once, the sun was a chariot
Once, dragons slept in the hills
Once, I was ruled with a trident,
And once, there was chaos
Then, fire.
Crude fire.

for me the last two line feel tacked on.
on the whole i think the poem marries well to the other lighthouse poem and i can certainly see the possibility of a series of exchanges between them.

thanks as always for the read

[Lawrence]

I'm thinking of swapping the 2nd and 3rd verse, with heavy revision.
Thanks Billy!