Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
Shutterstock Photos
Everyone is smiling.
In their own alternate world,
widgets satellite them.
Smoothened skin is humanoid,
Cursor-polished humanoids gleam mildly,
stethoscopes hang from festoon lab coats ivory coated shoulders,
everyone shakes hands,
doctors look like someone from Ben Hur,
and nurses never hold bed pans.
Sometimes a coffee cup is thrown in.
Every picture that I’ve seen of heaven,
with a nimbus, a blue sky, and / or cloudy stairs,
reminds me of them.
Posts: 580
Threads: 71
Joined: Oct 2015
Not sure about L3 (widgets...what exactly ARE they?) and L4 ('humanoid' - I get what you're trying to say, but it sounds forced), but everything else is lovely.
Damn dem stock photos!
'Nurses never hold bedpans' - damn right.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
Love the phrase widgets satellite.
ha, just saw the post above mine, I love poetry, the reads can be so different.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
Thanks for reading this thing. See these pics on the daily.
Posts: 229
Threads: 26
Joined: May 2016
damn good comment of fake online realities
(10-15-2016, 03:20 PM)Brownlie Wrote: Shutterstock Photos
Everyone is smiling. this line isn't as good as the others but it sets things up so...ambivalence
In their own alternate world,
widgets satellite them. this works well for the heavenly bodies line below
Smoothened skin is humanoid,
stethoscopes hang from ivory coated shoulders,
everyone shakes hands,
doctors look like someone from Ben Hur,
and nurses never hold bed pans.
Sometimes a coffee cup is thrown in.
Every picture that I’ve seen of heaven,
with a nimbus, a blue sky, and/or cloudy stairs, all the articles/preposition/conjunction (and/or is kind of strange for poetry; we usually see this in technical writing) makes this line clunky ('a nimbus, blue sky, cloudy stairs') is an option for conciseness
reminds me of them.
damn good stuff
Thanks to this Forum
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
(10-16-2016, 01:04 AM)kolemath Wrote: damn good comment of fake online realities
(10-15-2016, 03:20 PM)Brownlie Wrote: Shutterstock Photos
Everyone is smiling. this line isn't as good as the others but it sets things up so...ambivalence
In their own alternate world,
widgets satellite them. this works well for the heavenly bodies line below
Smoothened skin is humanoid,
stethoscopes hang from ivory coated shoulders,
everyone shakes hands,
doctors look like someone from Ben Hur,
and nurses never hold bed pans.
Sometimes a coffee cup is thrown in.
Every picture that I’ve seen of heaven,
with a nimbus, a blue sky, and/or cloudy stairs, all the articles/preposition/conjunction (and/or is kind of strange for poetry; we usually see this in technical writing) makes this line clunky ('a nimbus, blue sky, cloudy stairs') is an option for conciseness
reminds me of them.
damn good stuff
Thanks for reading this. I will say that a stock photo can be better than nothing when you need to add a picture somewhere. I'll make some strikeouts.