1
Leaving my philandering husband Giorgio, I quickly set out
to make a mistress of myself to Sangria --
that is to say, as I boarded Jose's rickety boat
to Spain, I got myself
roaring drunk.
2
Who rides a boat to Spain?
Me and Gabriella took the train --
3
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really still Giulietta,
as I sit up smoking after love.
4
Me? I know I'm no longer Giorgio -- now, you call me Giorgina.
One night, after love,
I dreamed my sex was being pulled off of me bloodlessly,
like a stub of tallow stuck awkwardly between the legs.
That was the only change. Yet still, you and all others
acted as if I were finally complete,
as if I were your sister, fulfilling your dream
of a thirst quenched.
5
The first thing we did once we reached Barcelona
was visit that famous unfinished cathedral,
Sagrada Familia. The name alone
made me shed a tear,
although I remember
it was not one for sadness.
6
That business trip I took -- I actually flew Gabriella
all the way to Hong Kong for a painting.
"Interior d'un Cafi". I told her seeing Paris
captured through the eyes of a complete stranger,
a revolutionary
who fought against Spain's stranglehold
over his country,
was better than actually going there.
7
I told Jose I did not want to live by the sea again.
But he refused, insisting the salt
would help clear my lungs. That was my problem,
he said, becoming breathless
over every little thing.
8
In fact, my plan was
to go to Tunisia -- she complained
with your voice, when she learned.
Why take the long way? she asked.
Why not go by boat?
I said I wanted to retrace the steps
of our ancestors the Romans, reenact the farce
of the Punic Wars, eventually
of Aeneas leaving Dido.
9
Leaving you, I thought the spirits
would stop haunting me. Didn't I conquer them,
if not in this world of phenomena
then in the world of my memories,
your films? But they returned
one night, after love.
Neptune again rose from the sea,
again brought with him his great barge
of decay --
10
Then Venus appears in her golden veil
and tight bikini -- then Bacchus the young god
with the girlish black hair and the over-shaven face
and the white breasted raiment that in your memories
still didn't distract from his sex -- then Pluto
or maybe Saturn burning your favorite doll --
then Jupiter your grandfather the lord of the heavens
flying through the mists to his
mistress Parisienne -- then what again?
Now I don't remember. That story you told me,
explaining why you were so breathless
after your brief visit to the neighbor's,
I wasn't really listening.
GIULIETTA DEGLI SPIRITI
1
Leaving my philandering husband Giorgio, I quickly set out
to make a mistress of myself to Sangria --
that is to say, as I boarded Jose's rickety boat
to Spain, I got myself
roaring drunk.
2
Who rides a boat to Spain?
Me and Gabriella took the train --
3
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really still Giulietta,
as I sit up smoking after love.
4
Me? I know I'm no longer Giorgio -- now, you call me Giorgina.
One night, after love,
I dreamed my sex was being pulled off of me bloodlessly,
like a stub of tallow stuck awkwardly between the legs.
That was the only change. Yet still, you and all others
acted as if I were finally complete,
as if I were your sister, fulfilling your dream
of a thirst quenched.
5
The first thing we did once we reached Barcelona
was visit that famous unfinished cathedral,
Sagrada Familia. The name alone
made me shed a tear,
although I remember
it was not one for sadness.
6
That business trip I took -- I actually flew Gabriella
all the way to Hong Kong for a painting.
"Interior d'un Cafi". I told her seeing Paris
captured through the eyes of a complete stranger,
a revolutionary
who fought against Spain's stranglehold
over his country,
was better than actually going there.
7
I told Jose, I did not want to live by the sea again.
But he refused, insisting the salt
would help clear my lungs. That was my problem,
he said, becoming breathless
over every little thing.
8
In fact, my plan was
to go to Tunisia -- she complained
with your voice, when she learned.
Why take the long way? she asked.
Why not go by boat?
I said I wanted to retrace the steps
of our ancestors the Romans, reenact the farce
of the Punic Wars, eventually
of Aeneas leaving Dido.
9
Leaving you, I thought the spirits
would stop haunting me. Didn't I conquer them,
if not in this world of phenomena
then in the world of my memories,
your films? But they returned
one night, after love.
Neptune again rose from the sea,
again brought with him his great barge
of decay --
10
Then Venus appears next, in her golden veil
and tight bikini -- then Bacchus the young god
with the girlish black hair and the over-shaven face
and the white breasted raiment that in your memories
still didn't distract from his sex -- then Pluto
or maybe Saturn burning your favorite doll --
then Jupiter your grandfather the lord of the heavens
flying through the mists to his
mistress Parisienne -- then what again?
Now I don't remember. That story you told me,
explaining why you were so breathless
after your brief visit to the neighbor's,
I wasn't really listening.
RN, I can't offer much crit at this stage 'cept to say that this is bloody brilliant. I picture the two narrators lying next to each other thinking, at night.
You may have had A Game of Chess in mind, the latter half of that pome with the disjointed voices. Or at least I did, while reading.
On a different note, I haven't seen the film, but now I want to.
'Like a stub of tallow'
'Eventually of Aeneas'
'Great barge of decay'
So many sparkling lines.
Nit: tallow? That went out of use 100 years ago, I'd think?
Thanks! I didn't, and honestly though I've only read it once, I didn't like The Waste Land -- I found it, hehe, impenetrable. But with your note, I'll probably give it that second chance I meant to give it five years from now, maybe with an exegesis on the side. As for the film, this really only depicts the imagined aftermath, so most of the images (sangria and the last two stanzas, I think, are the only images I directly copypasted, aside from the general plot) are invented, so yeah.
And as for tallow: really? Well, I don't use it, but I was thinking that scene in The Holy Mountain where the thief eats a tallow (I think -- maybe wax, but to me that's kinda more disgusting) copy of his face -- well, not really thinking, but quasi-remembering, since the image in the poem is sort of an amalgam of that scene and a dream I just had at the time of writing where I lost my penis and only my penis but everyone kept thinking I was a woman --- and now I think I'm being indulgent. That is to say, does it matter? But again, thanks!
Tallow was the original raw material for candles - animal fat from butcheries but like whale oil for lamps, it has since been replaced by paraffin or beeswax.
But it's a minor nit.
Hopefully you'll get some crits. This is a beautiful piece.
(06-15-2016, 04:38 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Bravo River...it would be churlish to say anything negative about this one. Though it is a familiar style, one might say "operatic", and so by content appealing to the simplistic audience, it is very accomplished. I am often surprised when I read the translation in to english of powerfull, punchy operas just how simple the words when not tied up in musicality. I can read this over and over. Nits in text...but I had to look for them
GIULIETTA DEGLI SPIRITI
1
Leaving my philandering husband Giorgio, I quickly set out
to make a mistress of myself to Sangria --
that is to say, as I boarded Jose's rickety boat
to Spain, I got myself
roaring drunk.Perhaps too many characters too soon, some of whom will be superfluous unless the plot thickens. It texturises to name names but thick shrouds cover things...I see difficulty in getting drunk as one boards a boat....perhaps before? I hate the "as" word
2
Who rides a boat to Spain?
Me and Gabriella took the train --
3
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really still Giulietta,
as I sit up smoking after love.Now there will be those who need to read the translation of the piece to work out who is who and who did what with whom. I am one. The "as" word really is getting me annoyed...but only a little
4
Me? I know I'm no longer Giorgio -- now, you call me Giorgina.
One night, after love,
I dreamed my sex was being pulled off of me bloodlessly,
like a stub of tallow stuck awkwardly between the legs.
That was the only change. Yet still, you and all others
acted as if I were finally complete,
as if I were your sister, fulfilling your dream
of a thirst quenched.The removeable todger is a known but your description of the dream is excellent. I do not think there are many ways a todger can be unplugged...or perhaps it is under-reported. If I were to describe the same dream I would use the same words...very effective.
5
The first thing we did once we reached Barcelona
was visit that famous unfinished cathedral,
Sagrada Familia. The name alone
made me shed a tear,
although I remember
it was not one for sadness.No problems with an introduced travelogue as long as there is purpose apparent....and I immediately assume that this is the case BUT I am not sure what....my failing?
6
That business trip I took -- I actually flew Gabriella
all the way to Hong Kong for a painting.
"Interior d'un Cafi". I told her seeing Paris
captured through the eyes of a complete stranger,
a revolutionary
who fought against Spain's stranglehold
over his country,
was better than actually going there.Beautiful, pertinent, musical, dreamy...I hope that is the intent. Works for me as a kind of grammatical device. I stopped, I paused, I moved through and on. I am not tired of this methodology yet...but take care not to over do it. There is not a thread made which cannot be broken.
7
I told Jose, I did not want to live by the sea again.Comma or nothing. No capital on "but"
But he refused, insisting the salt
would help clear my lungs. That was my problem,
he said, becoming breathless
over every little thing.Hmmm. An element of something close to bathos...I am not sure that this one keeps the faith. It is accidentaly trivial.
8
In fact, my plan was
to go to Tunisia -- she complained
with your voice, when she learned.
Why take the long way? she asked.
Why not go by boat?So this is where I churlish am. Strictly, not good grammar. Leave it.
I said I wanted to retrace the steps
of our ancestors the Romans, reenact the farce
of the Punic Wars, eventually
of Aeneas leaving Dido.Yes, well you would say that, wouldn't you...that old excuse for coming home late. Yes, yes I get the "farce" but is it in keeping....it's that bathos again
9
Leaving you, I thought the spirits
would stop haunting me. Didn't I conquer them,
if not in this world of phenomena
then in the world of my memories,
your films? But they returned
one night, after love.
Neptune again rose from the sea,
again brought with him his great barge
of decay --Like. Like it all.
10
Then Venus appears next, in her golden veilThen and next. No.
and tight bikini -- then Bacchus the young god
with the girlish black hair and the over-shaven face
and the white breasted raiment that in your memories
still didn't distract from his sex -- then Pluto
or maybe Saturn burning your favorite doll --
then Jupiter your grandfather the lord of the heavens
flying through the mists to his
mistress Parisienne -- then what again?
Now I don't remember. That story you told me,
explaining why you were so breathless
after your brief visit to the neighbor's,
I wasn't really listening.
As I began by saying...what can I say? More like this if you have more. I feel a large Genre and Platonic coming on....
Best,
tectak
(06-15-2016, 04:38 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: GIULIETTA DEGLI SPIRITI
1
Leaving my philandering husband Giorgio, I quickly set out
to make a mistress of myself to Sangria -- this line sounds a little clunky
that is to say, as I boarded Jose's rickety boat
to Spain, I got myself two 'myself's in such a short stanza stand out
roaring drunk. I really like this line break
2
Who rides a boat to Spain?
Me and Gabriella took the train -- I wonder if you can make the two voices appear different - one in italics maybe?
3
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really still Giulietta,
as I sit up smoking after love. I don't know why, but these two lines, inverted, sound stronger; also Guiliette/Giorgina line up
4
Me? I know I'm no longer Giorgio -- now, you call me Giorgina.
One night, after love,
I dreamed my sex was being pulled off of me bloodlessly,
like a stub of tallow stuck awkwardly between the legs. Great imagery!
That was the only change. Yet still, you and all others
acted as if I were finally complete,
as if I were your sister, fulfilling your dream
of a thirst quenched.
5
The first thing we did once we reached Barcelona
was visit that famous unfinished cathedral, packed with information, but no poetry
Sagrada Familia. The name alone
made me shed a tear,
although I remember
it was not one for sadness.
6
That business trip I took -- I actually flew Gabriella
all the way to Hong Kong for a painting. is 'for' the best word here?
"Interior d'un Cafi". I told her seeing Paris
captured through the eyes of a complete stranger, I like the 'capture' tied to revolutionary
a revolutionary
who fought against Spain's stranglehold
over his country,
was better than actually going there. I love the convoluted travel in this stanza, and the reasoning
7
I told Jose, I did not want to live by the sea again.
But he refused, insisting the salt there was no request to refuse
would help clear my lungs. That was my problem,
he said, becoming breathless
over every little thing.
8
In fact, my plan was
to go to Tunisia -- she complained
with your voice, when she learned.
Why take the long way? she asked.
Why not go by boat?
I said I wanted to retrace the steps
of our ancestors the Romans, reenact the farce
of the Punic Wars, eventually
of Aeneas leaving Dido. I can see the smoke as Aeneas realizes he has killed her
9
Leaving you, I thought the spirits
would stop haunting me. Didn't I conquer them,
if not in this world of phenomena
then in the world of my memories,
your films? But they returned
one night, after love. I like this return to the 'petit mort' motif
Neptune again rose from the sea,
again brought with him his great barge
of decay --
10
Then Venus appears next, in her golden veil this moment, of a God in the present, stands out - signifying that love endures?
and tight bikini -- then Bacchus the young god
with the girlish black hair and the over-shaven face
and the white breasted raiment that in your memories
still didn't distract from his sex -- then Pluto
or maybe Saturn burning your favorite doll --
then Jupiter your grandfather the lord of the heavens
flying through the mists to his
mistress Parisienne -- then what again?
Now I don't remember. That story you told me,
explaining why you were so breathless
after your brief visit to the neighbor's,
I wasn't really listening. This captures for me the lack of understanding and communication between the two voices
I don't know the movie, but I know some of Fellini's works, and I appreciate how you've managed to incorporate his lusty down-to-earth humanity with the 'genius of place' of the Gods and the surreal images of these protagonists' thoughts. Your poem gives me more each time I read it - thank you for posting this!
Edit posted, with very very minor changes -- the ones tectak suggested. Thanks for the compliments, the feedback, the prompt, and the great wealth of advice and notes and stuff that led to this piece's incarnation. Anyway, notes.
"as" -- worked I think to establish Giulietta's voice.
the confusing voices thing -- i think i wrote this as i was reading Gluck's Meadowlands, so maybe I can further use her device, indent Giorgio's speech? though that might ruin the numbering, which is supposed to show that the two voices are speaking on different stages, between long successive periods of time. and i suppose the actors eventually clear up later?
inverting the lines in 3 -- i'll have to mull over that one even more. i get the whole lining up thing -- i suppose i've just gotten used to the rhythm of those opening stanzas.
the removable todger dream -- based on an actual dream i had! *shivers*
"for" -- i think it is. i mean, the painting was specifically what they went there for, and not really for anything else...maybe "to see", or pertinent variations thereon?
"refused" -- as in, he moved Giulietta's new family to a house by the sea anyway. and with the movie being set on a house by the sea, and with Giulietta's problem being introduced by a vision by the sea (that whole Neptune's barge thing being only my interpretation, Fellini is a demigod)...
"farce" -- i don't think that element is bathos at all -- it's more my feeble (but apparently effective?) way of distracting the audience from the Gluck-levels of Gothic the Aeneid reference reaches. xD
the last two stanzas -- maybe? those two stanzas practically wrote themselves: they were scenes from the movie. again, Fellini is a demigod, and most of the piece is really his work.
Genre and Platonic -- i don't know what that is. :S
