McKinley Road
#1
MCKINLEY ROAD

On McKinley Road, the devil
waits for me with eyes
and legs open, ready to devour
what should first be fried

on the asphalt. Your glossy
screen, your glassy green
(but artificial) eyes,
your burnt to beauty skin --

somehow, the joy of finding you
alive summons lightning
that strikes the golden shower tree
from which I hang. How the blue

sounds like hounds. How the priest
dipped us in the Jordan to our death
knowing that gills should sprout
from our necks. How we rest.
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#2
Good one, River Smile
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#3
Thanks! PS McKinley Road is an actual place in Manila, if you haven't Googled. I wrote the thing after my visiting a friend who visited the place.
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#4
captivating. i can't stop reading it. maybe some comments will help me.

(09-05-2016, 04:40 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  MCKINLEY ROAD the title doesn't help me with the interpretation, and since it's in line 1..

On McKinley Road, the devil
waits for me with eyes
and legs open, ready to devour i love all the references to body parts
what should first be fried fried is a little confusing but does allude to raw flesh

on the asphalt. Your glossy i like the enjambment as far as this line goes but its connection to the previous is confusing..frying on the street? i guess its about ambivalence 
screen, your glassy green great sounds
(but artificial) eyes, so someone is staring at the phone all the time?
your burnt to beauty skin --

somehow, the joy of finding you
alive summons lightning
that strikes the golden shower tree
from which I hang. How the blue really great stanza; love all the symbolism

sounds like hounds. How the priest
dipped us in the Jordan to our death i see blue connect when i read jordan; i still don't get blue though; maybe i get blue if i remember the monkey swinging tree
knowing that gills should sprout awesome
from our necks. How we rest. awesome
Thanks to this Forum
feedback award
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#5
(09-05-2016, 04:40 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  MCKINLEY ROAD

On McKinley Road, the devil
waits for me with eyes
and legs open, ready to devour
what should first be fried

on the asphalt. Your glossy
screen, your glassy green
(but artificial) eyes,
your burnt to beauty skin --

somehow, the joy of finding you
alive summons lightning
that strikes the golden shower tree
from which I hang. How the blue

sounds like hounds. How the priest
dipped us in the Jordan to our death
knowing that gills should sprout
from our necks. How we rest.

The final 3 lines are breathtaking.  You've found your voice since 'Giulietta', dropping the boring old Christian themes.
This entire poem is wonderful.
Not sure about 'golden showers', though. Just taking the piss.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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#6
(09-05-2016, 04:40 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  MCKINLEY ROAD

On McKinley Road, the devil
waits for me with eyes
and legs open, ready to devour
what should first be fried Confused me for a moment, until I thought about it

on the asphalt. Your glossy
screen, your glassy green Yes
(but artificial) eyes, I like it, but it also feels redundant, and somewhat beside the motif. Yet, I like it.
your burnt to beauty skin -- Swoon.

somehow, the joy of finding you
alive summons lightning
that strikes the golden shower tree I love the imagery, the terminology is unfortunate though
from which I hang. How the blue

sounds like hounds. How the priest
dipped us in the Jordan to our death
knowing that gills should sprout
from our necks. How we rest. Faint.

The last two stanzas absolutely smacked me. I know it's been said, and I don't want to fluff anyone, but this is very beautiful. There are a few turns-of-phrase that lost me, but only for a moment. There are others that could connect together a little more smoothly I suppose.

Thank you for the read!
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#7
Wow, thanks!
yeah, the title may need to get nudged a bit. and golden shower tree: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassia_fistula
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