Peter Pan Feels Himself for the First Time

[makeshift]

Levitation was the training
weight felt in reverse.

I sit In the gray pixie
dust, its gold long gobbled
by the sun.

My green garb lets go
as if I'm a memory
It's held too tight.

I feel the breeze, the soil
the blood, and the pulse.
I feel my goblin 
the mischief, and the moss.

I feel the humidity, the summer,
and the naked heat. I feel my size
the glissando, and my heart beat.

I feel the rise and the rise and the rise
and the fall.
I feel the hunger

and yank a carrot
from the earth,
wondering how anything could be
clean if it came from dirt.

[Vanity]

So....makeshift....f-ing loved this one. I've read it several times now. I'm still trying to get it, feel it...it feels like dying a little. I'm going to have to look up 'glissando'....but I love finding new vocab...

I love the 'rise and the rise' repeated line

Goblin, mischief, moss....liked that....

You know, for me the weakest part are the two first lines Leviathan/ weight...for me they don't fit and could be dropped. I'd start with ' I sit in gray pixie dust...'

And the best part....the end...the carrot image is a total mic drop. Luv it.
I see the dark dirt, the bright orange dirty carrot, hands brushing off the dirt,,,and mostly I love the last lingering question
Thanks!
V

[Leanne]

Levitation was the training
weight felt in reverse.

I sit In the gray pixie -- any reason why In has a capital i? Also, this enjambment is a bit odd.  Sitting in a grey pixie is just not right at all
dust, its gold long gobbled -- I'd suggest just making this strophe two lines long, with a break after dust.
by the sun.

My green garb lets go
as if I'm a memory -- full stop here? Or maybe semi-colon, without a capital on the next line
It's held too tight.

I feel the breeze, the soil
the blood, and the pulse.
I feel my goblin -- comma?
the mischief, and the moss.

I feel the humidity, the summer,
and the naked heat. I feel my size
the glissando, and my heart beat.

I feel the rise and the rise and the rise
and the fall.
I feel the hunger

and yank a carrot
from the earth,
wondering how anything could be
clean if it came from dirt. -- I love this strophe, particularly the ending

From this I get the idea that the Peter Pan who flies represents innocence, but this is the beginning of his corruption -- when he is real, and solid, and prone to human desires and needs, he is lost.  It's really intriguing and I've pulled out different parts from it at each reading.  

I do feel the "I feels" get a bit too much, though I see the point of them.  Maybe just cut one or two?

[kolemath]

Levitation was the training
weight felt in reverse. interesting description of levitation, mind bending even

I sit In the gray pixie capital 'In?' shifting into present tense?
dust, its gold long gobbled
by the sun. interesting personification of the sun, and color play; why is the dust gray if he's feeling himself for the first time? are we meant to think feeling himself is some kind of fall from grace?

My green garb lets go i like the continuation of color, but lets go of what?
as if I'm a memory
It's held too tight. capital 'It's?' what is 'it?' the garb let go, so that can't be it..I'm having some trouble digesting this stanza

I feel the breeze, the soil
the blood, and the pulse.
I feel my goblin is it necessary to repeat 'i feel?' what's the goblin? his mischeivious shadow? 
the mischief, and the moss. i like the sonics of this line

I feel the humidity, the summer,
and the naked heat. I feel my size another good ex of personification; what does size feel like?
the glissando, and my heart beat. not sure how music fits in here

I feel the rise and the rise and the rise
and the fall. this line might work better closer to glissando
I feel the hunger

and yank a carrot
from the earth,
wondering how anything could be
clean if it came from dirt. this last stanza is my favorite

I like the feel of this one, like a surrealist-nature praise poem. some good images. Much of the language is obscure though. I'm not sure what most of it's about until the final stanza, and looking back over the poem with the final stanza in mind, I'm still confused by what all this feeling is supposed to say about peter pan. what do you mean by feel? maybe try out some other words other than feel?

Thanks for sharing

[71degrees]

Levitation was the training
weight felt in reverse.

I sit In the gray pixie
dust, its gold long gobbled
by the sun.

My green garb lets go
as if I'm a memory
It's held too tight.

I feel the breeze, the soil
the blood, and the pulse.
I feel my goblin 
the mischief, and the moss.

I feel the humidity, the summer,
and the naked heat. I feel my size
the glissando, and my heart beat.

I feel the rise and the rise and the rise
and the fall.
I feel the hunger

and yank a carrot
from the earth,
wondering how anything could be
clean if it came from dirt.

Methinks Peter Pan is reaching puberty.  One wonders how old the guy really is  The "yank" of the carrot is hilarious.  Don't like all the "I feel"'s...but even the repetition kind of fits the poem. I also think some of the line breaks need attention.  I'd suggest to lengthen the lines out as much as you can get away with.  I assume you know you have both "gobbled" and "goblin" in the same poem.  I like the second usage, not so much the first.    

I laughed when I read this and the fact I laughed again on a second read is good enough for me.  Nice poem.

[kolemath]

Well my mind want deep enough in the dirt I see. I'll have to come back to this one

[LunaDeLore]

Levitation was the training
weight felt in reverse.

I sit In the gray pixie
dust, its gold long gobbled
by the sun.

My green garb lets go
as if I'm a memory
It's held too tight.

I feel the breeze, the soil
the blood, and the pulse.
I feel my goblin 
the mischief, and the moss.

I feel the humidity, the summer,
and the naked heat. I feel my size
the glissando, and my heart beat.

I feel the rise and the rise and the rise
and the fall.
I feel the hunger

and yank a carrot
from the earth,
wondering how anything could be
clean if it came from dirt.

makeshift,

The title caught my eye, really. I love it. And I very much enjoyed reading this work. My only concern is with the last strophe; I don't like beginning with "and". I think you could drop it and go with something more along the following lines.

yank a carrot
from the earth
and wonder how anything
could be clean coming
from dirt.

Of course it's your poem and other than the last strophe I have no nits to pick.

Good work.

Luna

[just mercedes]

The poem felt like puberty as a rite of passage to me, right from the first reading of the title. It reminds me of Pinocchio, and the way the Blue Fairy made him a real boy. For me this is Peter Pan, moving from the mind into the body. He's not really impressed so far. I like the different sensory cues, the colours, and the way the carrot, yanked from the earth, hooks back into the first word, levitation.

If you revise this, you could trim filler words, and maybe make the first line more active, rather than the passive 'was' . I misread 'I feel my goblin' and laughed too much.

It's a good beginning - thanks for the read.

[kolemath]

O.K., here I am again.  I can't believe I didn't get it, but I was like, this is peter pan becoming peter pan for the first time (when i read the title), not this is peter pan yanking. guess it's all about where you're coming from.

instead of 'feel' maybe 'touch' would work better for the title; that or keep feel, and work with the ambiguity of the two readings more, so it can be either becoming or be-cuming peter pan.

thanks for waking me up, 71