Two Seasons

[HopeVictoria56]

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you.
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway.
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick,
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma.
Too many blank stares and one liners.
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends.
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall.

[rowens]

You could drop the lines directly referencing missing someone, reworking the other details and images with more subtle implications. I like the leaves dropping in the hall and the kitchen. . . . Right now it's a hybrid, partly a poem and mostly you breaking in talking.

[cvanshelton]

Hi Hope! There are some great lines and images in your poem, but I think you'll need to work on it a bit to get it polished. This is just my own opinion, so take it or leave it, but if you can take a poem and write it out like a paragraph and it reads just fine as prose, you really don't have a poem. You just have prose broken up in lines. I think there are some places where this poem is more on the prose side of things. I usually try to remind myself to show and not tell. Create images and you will enchant your readers. I have highlighted some things I liked most about your poem below. More of those and you are on your way. Cheers!

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you.
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway.
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick,
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma. Drunk off bad karma is a great line.
Too many blank stares and one liners.
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends.
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall.

[Achebe]

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you.  I like how your poem starts. The first three lines are lyrical, and evoke the wistfulness you're aiming for.
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall ...since the leaves wouldn't drop IN the hall, this is just for the rhyme, isn't it? Why not aim for something like 'I count the leaves falling / count them all, or a hundred other such possibilities?
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees, ....to my ear, needs an unstressed syllable at the end. makes sense to bring the 'bare' to this line. 
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway. ...the rest reads like a separate poem. It doesn't go well with the lyrical beginning.  May not be bad in itself, but it's like drinking tea with salt in it - not the best combination.
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick,
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma.
Too many blank stares and one liners.
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends.
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall.

nice one.

[D.MYST]

I adore the concept of leaves dropping in the hall, seasons taking place inside of a home...in a relationship how things change 
You do a great job there of telling the story without telling it...leaving ambiguity is beautiful in poetry. 
You tell too much by revealing too much about being drunk. You become to literal later in the work. It is too abrupt, always stick with the same delivery.
The poem begins sort of haunting and then becomes a stream of consciousness that is more like prose. 

I would even get rid of the time...replace it with something else that could represent time

[treykolb]

I really appreciated the autumn imagery, as I've always associated autumn with unrequited love and longing. That really worked in your favor here. Definitely conveyed a deep sense of wistfulness and longing in my opinion, which I think is what you were going for here.

[Mr. Deadpool]

The poems got some good body to it. I like where the ride took me and trust some of my best work is done with the aid of fermented grape juice. I loved the line where you said I sit here with blank stares and one liners. I can personally relate to that where you just feel a sense of numbness. Thanks for posting

[TSPKNIP]

Hey,

I love the idea of 2 seasons instead of the cliché 4. I would try to avoid the words where the poem is about (miss etc) Furthermore, I would change the line in which you say "maybe that's how to story ends" somewhat, mainly because your poem made me think about what would happen after the 7 months ofn Fall and you kind of "ruin" the illusion for me with that line. Lastly, maybe you could change "bad karma" to something different, I find that the word "karma" sounds a little bit off here. Overall, great concept and beautiful words!

Love,

[HaleINthewind]

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you. ( I would cut this line out , it distracts from the beautiful images you have created above and below it)
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway. ( This would be a great place to add some powerful imagery- the idea is poetic- the line could be too.)
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick, ( Another great place to show us with some of that great imagery )
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma. ( Not as graceful as the first few lines, but I like it. )
Too many blank stares and one liners. ( another great place to show us, really bring us into the feeling of being surrounded or drunk and drowning in blank stares and one liners. )
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends. ( I am also not a fan of this line, it gives me more questions than answers( not the good kind))
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall. ( love the ending)

Hey there, I really enjoyed a lot of the lines in your poem and the overall feeling. I just have a few suggestions that may help you and your poem along your journey. I agree that it would be a good idea to break this poem up into stanzas. You have shown you can produce beautiful images, it would be nice to see the imagery continue farther down the poem. I am not sure I am completely understanding whether the person is away until summer or if that is a metaphor for seasons in a relationship. I am assuming the blank stares and one liners are either people who care trying to help you get over your love, or people trying to pick you up at a bar? I am a bit confused there I am not sure if it is me or the poem being unclear. Perhaps imagery would help really show us whats going on. All in all I enjoyed reading your poem. Looking forward to reading your first edit . Thanks

[CRNDLSM]

I enjoyed this more each time I read it.

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall, very intriguing
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you.
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway.
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick,  you see yourself bare
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM this is great
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma.  I really like how non specific this poem is and feel this bluntness is unnecessary 
Too many blank stares and one liners.
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends.
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen. 
Only six more months of Fall.  Terrific ending, reaffirm the intro and mood  with the counting and the hall and in the kitchen and the fall, I just like saying this over and over again, its crazy.  Needs to be said aloud I think.

[Reflection]

It read like someone not wanting to leave the comfort of their armchair, how long  "so I've got all the time in the world to miss you"  your words follow that way which in writing is really good.

"Only six more months of Fall"  but you start with  "Here there are two months of Summer"

Reads to me like a break down piece of poetry, really enjoy reading your used of words.

[EarthwareVessel]

Here there are two months of Summer
and seven months of Fall,
so I've got all the time in the world to miss you.
I count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
I can see the trees,
bare.
In no condition to fight the cold, but they do it anyway.
I'm in no condition to watch the clock tick,
but it's 4:31, :32, :33 AM
and here I am
drunk off red wine and bad karma.
Too many blank stares and one liners.
I wish you would come save me,
but maybe that's just how the story ends.
And I will count the leaves
dropping in the hall
and in the kitchen.
Only six more months of Fall.

Some More subtleties would be nice. Rather than directly saying: I can see the trees, bare. Try "The trees bare naked branches".
I like the transition of time with the clock ticking. It makes adds to the atmosphere of this little world you've created. The framing element you create with 2 months of Summer, 7 months of fall, and then ending with "Only 6 months of Fall" is good. It adds a sort of dreary ending when the reader reads the  listlessness you've created and then being reminded that there is still 6 months of it left.