The scorptich man (made up word because I suck at titles)
#1
Revision/correction
 
There is an old man 
in the moss-bound grove
who sits and cackles there.

He rattles his bones 
then screams to the sun
and tugs his matted grey hair.

But on milk moon‘s night
when blue bugs hum,
he whispers quotes of Voltaire


Original

There is an old man in the
moss bound grove
who sits and cackles there.

He rattles his bones then
screams to the sun
and tugs his matted grey hair.

But on milk moon‘s night
when blue bugs hums,
he whispers quotes of Voltaire.
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#2
I like it cvan. it reminds me of an old soothsayer from antiquity. it speaks to the secret brilliance of crazy people. only one suggestion below

(07-20-2016, 11:12 PM)cvanshelton Wrote:  There is an old man in the
moss bound grove
who sits and cackles there.

He rattles his bones then for me, 'then' should be in the below line; i prefer the rhythm of this line and the next with that placement
screams to the sun
and tugs his matted grey hair.

But on milk moon‘s night
when blue bugs hums,
he whispers quotes of Voltaire.
Thanks to this Forum
feedback award
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#3
Sweet and juicy. Title is weird, but the weirdness is sweet. And the poem would be even more juicy if the line breaks were more, say, regular, always ending with them more powerful nouns. Suggested:

There is an old man 
in the moss-bound grove
who sits and cackles there.

He rattles his bones 
then screams to the sun
and tugs his matted grey hair.

But on milk moon‘s night
when blue bugs hum, -- regardless of line change, really should be hum
he whispers quotes of Voltaire.
Reply
#4
Thanks, Kole and River. Two hours of sleep, apparently, aren't enough, lol.
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