Poetry Teacher

[heslopian]

As lovely as a chintz teacup,
her page boy hair
an upset soup bowl.
And that voice,
forged in public schools, I bet.
She has trouble pronouncing "r" sounds.
Milton on her tongue
could melt a banker's heart,
and no old English words
need stop at her lips;
they flow like music.
Pinstripe trousers
reach her waist, two
paper thin belts
holding them in place.
Perhaps my love
is Oedipul. Nevertheless,
she's divine.

[billy]

she and it are delightful.

lots to like here for me.

the images especially;
Lines 1 through 5
and lines 8 through 16

I bet. She has: for me doesn't work that well and makes me falter
enough to break the flow of another wise excellent read.
thanks jack.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback, Billy I think the poem looks fine how it is, so I won't space it out after all. Would the bit you mentioned work better if I placed "I bet" after "public schools," and "she has" before "trouble"? I established the rhythm for this piece by beginning several sentences with two stressed syllables, but I got a tad confused at that point, and therefore I jammed them together like that.

[billy]

you read my mind. i think it would be much better.
see what some of the others think

[heslopian]

see what some of the others think

Too late I prefer how the line looks now anyway. Thanks again for your feedback, Billy, it really helped