spring moon

[justlikeyou]

spring moon
in a wildflower field
fireflies

[Magpie]

Hi, this is without doubt a beautiful image when I picture it in my mind but for me it doesn't have that aha moment or that flash of brief enlightenment that I want to see in short poetry such as this.
Unless I am missing some significance with fireflies in spring or something similar. I've never even seen a firefly before—we don't get them where I live—so I suppose there is a part of me that is jealous.

As a suggestion for an edit all I can think of would be something like...

spring moon—
in a wildflower field
fireflies write haiku

Just a thought, thanks for the read,

Mark

[srijantje]

this appeals to me a lot
flower field maybe flows better?

[Erthona]

Since there is no aha moment I'll add one

spring moon—
among wildflowers
and fireflies,
ah ha!

Although I do have to agree with Mark, a nice image, (although bordering on the cliche, I believe some new age company has something similar for their logo), but no punch.

[Magpie]

When I said Aha moment I didn't mean Aha as in the Norwegian pop group from the eighties and nineties, although I'm sure that many a poem could benefit from an Aha moment.
I did in fact mean an Ah ha moment. It seems to have amused Dale(Erthona), so it wasn't a wasted mistake.

Cheers

Mark

[Erthona]

Aha!

[justlikeyou]

Thanks guys. Your're right that there is no aha, only a simple moment frozen in time. Comments appreciated.