The Whore's Prayer

[Mark A Becker]

The Whore’s Prayer

Our fathers who aren’t in heaven
were cowards without names.
They slung some cum,
their will was done,
or worse, for a slice of heaven.
Give them today their daily head,
and forgive our short lived asses,
as we give in to those who press flesh against us,
resisting not temptation,
but delivered into evil,
by the power of the almighty dollar,
handed over, and over
by men.

[Leanne]

*slung

Otherwise, it's pretty hard to argue with this at all.

[Magpie]

Nice one Mark.

The only complaint that I could possibly have is that it's not in the 'For Fun Forum', but that is more due to the fact that a lot of poems in that forum don't make me laugh. However this one did, whether that was your intention or not... I am guilty. In fact I was born with 'original sin', which by the 70's where I'm from must of been quite difficult, all the best sins were taken many years before.

Cheers for the read and good to see you back again,

Mark

[billy]

our men

[just mercedes]

Yep. Pretty well sums us up.

[RiverNotch]

The almighty dollar distracts? I'm pretty sure capitalism (or blahblahblah social justice) isn't your point here ------ then again, I'm not sure what's the point here. The point of view, whether empathetic, condescending, or even plain neutral, leaves no subtleties, I think, at least not enough to make this anything worthy. And, though clever, this isn't really clever -- or rather pleasant -- enough for Fun.

[DavidF]

I would really have liked something like 'coward be thy name'. Cum comes too soon in this poem for me. I feel I hadn't gotten to know enough before it was introduced.

The Whore’s Prayer

Our fathers who aren’t in heaven
were cowards without names.
They slinged some cum,
their will was done,
or worse, for a slice of heaven.
Give them today their daily head,
and forgive our short lived asses,  
as we give in to those who press flesh against us,
resisting not temptation,
but delivered into evil,
by the power of the almighty dollar,
handed over, and over
by men.

[RiverNotch]

The almighty dollar distracts? I'm pretty sure capitalism (or blahblahblah social justice) isn't your point here ------ then again, I'm not sure what's the point here.  The point of view, whether empathetic, condescending, or even plain neutral, leaves no subtleties, I think, at least not enough to make this anything worthy. And, though clever, this isn't really clever -- or rather pleasant -- enough for Fun.

To be clear, excluding the undue specificity of "the almighty dollar", I don't exactly think this is bad, just unpleasant -- er, not bad, but not Fun either. Kinda like, say, El Topo, or Salo -- not my favorite movies, but not terrible either, or even marginally bad, just really, really unpleasant.
Although now it's in a different forum? Either I missed something, or I missed something, but earlier....