A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure

[Quixilated]

Hi bedeep,

Great new title! Also, like the frog bits all being in the same place. And still love those blue socks. Nice job!

-Quix

[bedeep]

Hi bedeep,

Great new title!   Also, like the frog bits all being in the same place.  And still love those blue socks.  Nice job!  

-Quix

Thanks for those comments. I am at the point with this where I really can't tell if I improved it or not (except for the title) so I am looking for "yay or nay" comments.

Much appreciated.

[justcloudy]

I vote yea to the edit. A few comments below.

(edit 1)

The Fire Cure

I want waterfeet
to walk these flaming ways. I prefer the original line here, but I see why you changed it due to burning 4 lines below. Maybe compromise with "this flaming world"?
where are the frogs?
-- the frogs who call
the rain -- Personal preference but I'd like to see another question mark here.
they are burning.

marshes seethe, Do you have a point to make with no capitals? If so it's lost on me. If you're going to punctuate grammatically, perhaps proper capitalization should follow as well?
sedges, grasses, forbs blaze up,
tall forests fall to fiery ground,
birds collapse in smoked flight. Love the image here but the rhythm of this line is a bit choppy. Again maybe a mash-up of this line and the one it replaced is the key. Or not, your poem.

where went the fishes, the cool mosses? If you're trying to avoid a "Where have all the flowers gone?" construction I get that, but it would sound nicer here, and also the connection would be kind of a cool one for the readers who pick up on it.
mouth wind-blistered
skin spark-stung I watch Love love love this line and the one above. And the one below too. All awesome.
as streams crackle and steam...

with little hope
I pray over my bluest socks
all night long and in the morning
put them on
still wet
and start walking. Fabulous end.

~~~

A Way to Go

I want waterfeet
to walk this burning world
(where are the frogs?)

marshes seethe,
sedges grasses forbs blaze up,
tall forests fall to fiery ground
birds drop sizzling from seared horizons
(where went the fishes, the cool mosses?)

mouth wind-blistered
skin spark-stung I watch
as streams crackle and steam...

where are the frogs?
-- the frogs who call
the rain --
they are burning.

with little hope
I pray over my bluest socks
all night long and in the morning
put them on
still wet
and start walking.

(Been a dry spell since NaPM; this was sparked haha by the Fort McMurray fire in Canada and by my blue socks. I wonder if my title needs improvement; they often do. Open to your wisdom elsewise also, and thanks.)

Everything above just my humble opinion, take it or leave it as you like. Glad you edited! I like the new name too. Lots of great imagery in here and I like it more each time I read it. Thanks for the read!

-jc

[bedeep]

Thanks, JC. I am letting this one ferment for a while. Appreciate all your input.