Somnambula

[milo]

In response to Unsleep and too restless to sleep by Todd and be deep irrespectively 

In the drowse of the summer twilight
cicadas backdrone the meadow
teasing slumber from the earthborne.
 
But the forest edge is a membrane
that separates the moonlight.
Trees stand sentinel
in eternal sleeplessness
guarding against the quiet
listening for the unsound
waiting for the sand.
 
 
 
 

[Leanne]

"Listening for the unsound" makes me happy as it's at once evocative of the anticipation and heading into madness.

The forest edge as a membrane alludes strongly to the barrier between the mortal and faerie realms. There is a lot going on here with deceptively simple language.

[homer1950]

In response to Unsleep and too restless to sleep by Todd and be deep irrespectively 

In the drowse of the summer twilight
cicadas backdrone the meadow
teasing slumber from the earthborne.
 
But the forest edge is a membrane
that separates the moonlight.
Trees stand sentinel
in eternal sleeplessness
guarding against the quiet
listening for the unsound
waiting for the sand.
 

I understand this a response piece and perhaps an addition to others work. So my response is taking that into consideration.

The poem has great imagery, but to what end? You have conjured up a meadow and a forest and the sound of cicada bugs then nothing?

The last 5 lines make up a long run on sentence that makes me say, ok then what?

To me it was like an instructional poem on how to write poetry.
It felt (for the lack of better words) very clinical, like it was dialed in.

Again I realize it is a response or companion piece. It just feels like you used your poetic prowess and not your poetic passion.

[milo]

In response to Unsleep and too restless to sleep by Todd and be deep irrespectively 

In the drowse of the summer twilight
cicadas backdrone the meadow
teasing slumber from the earthborne.
 
But the forest edge is a membrane
that separates the moonlight.
Trees stand sentinel
in eternal sleeplessness
guarding against the quiet
listening for the unsound
waiting for the sand.
 

I understand this a response piece and perhaps an addition to others work. So my response is taking that into consideration.

The poem has great imagery, but to what end? You have conjured up a meadow and a forest and the sound of cicada bugs then nothing?

The last 5 lines make up a long run on sentence that makes me say, ok then what?

To me it was like an instructional poem on how to write poetry.
It felt (for the lack of better words) very clinical, like it was dialed in.

Again I realize it is a response or companion piece. It just feels like you used your poetic prowess and not your poetic passion.

Thank you for the read and the comments.  I could definitely see how you could be uninspired by it.  I will consider this when I get around to revising.

[justcloudy]

I agree with homer inasmuch as I love what's here, but I feel like it isn't quite finished. I get the feeling that I'm missing something no matter how many times I read it. I think this is because I haven't read the other pieces, but this is posted as a standalone poem so it should feel like one / do the work of one as well.

Just thoughts.

-jc

---------
Edit: Went back and read the other two poems and this one again and still feel it's incomplete. Might just be me.

[Queerventions]

I had a hard time finding something tangible with this poem. I feel like maybe you using the first stanza (or whatever) to set up a scene or something to give the reader somewhere to look or go. But as I read the second part I completely lost the scene and imagery you presented in the beginning. I'm not sure what the other two pieces were so perhaps that's what I'm missing. However, I don't feel the incompleteness. It just feels disjointed. Hope this helps.

[BecktheDog]

"In response to Unsleep and too restless to sleep by Todd and be deep irrespectively "

This first line/title is lost on me.  
The poem moves rhythmically, which adds so much to the meaning, imagery, and sound.  
The line "in eternal sleeplessness" seems like an odd way to describe trees.  I agree with the other responses: it feels as if the poem is unfinished.  To what end is this scene taking the reader?  If the arrival is unclear, then give the reader a better sense that there is no definitive ending to this poem. 

[Mattp]

milo, I like this. In particular, I like your close.

So your first stanza is pretty, but I think you've composed artistry at the expense of clarity. I don't really know what you mean with these three lines. The first two lines of S2 are much the same. Bear in mind though the fault may be in my read.

Past these problematic segments I think your piece really becomes something special. I think you've captured something rare in your last line. I don't quite know what you mean, but it works anyways. That's some real artistry. I look forward to more of yours. Thanks for the read,

- Matt

[milo]

I agree with homer inasmuch as I love what's here, but I feel like it isn't quite finished. I get the feeling that I'm missing something no matter how many times I read it. I think this is because I haven't read the other pieces, but this is posted as a standalone poem so it should feel like one / do the work of one as well.

Just thoughts.

-jc

---------
Edit: Went back and read the other two poems and this one again and still feel it's incomplete. Might just be me.

Thanks for the read and the comments and good to see you again.

---

I had a hard time finding something tangible with this poem. I feel like maybe you using the first stanza (or whatever) to set up a scene or something to give the reader somewhere to look or go. But as I read the second part I completely lost the scene and imagery you presented in the beginning. I'm not sure what the other two pieces were so perhaps that's what I'm missing. However, I don't feel the incompleteness. It just feels disjointed. Hope this helps.

Thanks for the read and the comments.

---

"In response to Unsleep and too restless to sleep by Todd and be deep irrespectively "

This first line/title is lost on me.  
The poem moves rhythmically, which adds so much to the meaning, imagery, and sound.  
The line "in eternal sleeplessness" seems like an odd way to describe trees.  I agree with the other responses: it feels as if the poem is unfinished.  To what end is this scene taking the reader?  If the arrival is unclear, then give the reader a better sense that there is no definitive ending to this poem. 

Thanks for the read and the comments, it seems there is a common thread here.

---

milo, I like this. In particular, I like your close.

So your first stanza is pretty, but I think you've composed artistry at the expense of clarity. I don't really know what you mean with these three lines. The first two lines of S2 are much the same. Bear in mind though the fault may be in my read.

Past these problematic segments I think your piece really becomes something special. I think you've captured something rare in your last line. I don't quite know what you mean, but it works anyways. That's some real artistry. I look forward to more of yours. Thanks for the read,

- Matt

Thank you for the read and the comments.  My purpose was initially to set up a dichotomy but I see that it didn't work. (night/day, meadow/forest, sleep/unsleep)

[bedeep]

I'm confused by the title, and by justcloudy's ability to find the two other poems. Did I write something and post it, that's referenced here? It is true, my memory has holes, so help me out?

I love the feel of this, and also feel it has an incompleteness that, while it might be an excellent thing in its way, could be honed with more specificity.

The trees as sentinels, defending the wakeful forest against sleep? https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/sandman

[Quixilated]

This seems to be the progression of events. Todd wrote "Too Restless to Sleep." In response bedeep wrote "Unsleep." In response to both, milo wrote "Somnambula." I think as a unit they all work together in a very pretty way.

Too Restless to Sleep
By Todd

Outside the hum and buzz
close crowded clicking
of katydids

Under the dry
light of the forest
flowers are motionless
unmoving
like stationary pinwheels

The wild trees
bare of leaves
seem like insomniacs

It is near dawn
I stand in the dirt
shifting from foot to foot
knowing the end
will be nothing like this


Unsleep
By bedeep
(This is in response to Todd's Too Restless to Sleep. His is better, but it was fun to write this.)

The wild of trees
leaf-bare, insomniacal
in chill wind.
Wind gathers around me

in the not-dark not-light
other state,
peaceless and unquiet.

Shh, I tell everything
that voices itself.
Still rustles and chirrs
sound and repeat in rhythmless
chorus,

no silence
to be found. Not here,
and not afterward.

~~~

V. 2

The wild of trees
bare of leaf, insomniacal
in chill wind.
Wind gathers around me

in the undark unlight
other state,
peaceless and unquiet.

Shh, I tell everything
that voices itself.
Still rustles and chirrs
sound and repeat, rhythmless.

No silence
to be found. Not here,
not afterward.


Somnambula
By Milo

In response to Unsleep and too restless to sleep by Todd and be deep irrespectively

In the drowse of the summer twilight
cicadas backdrone the meadow
teasing slumber from the earthborne.

But the forest edge is a membrane
that separates the moonlight.
Trees stand sentinel
in eternal sleeplessness
guarding against the quiet
listening for the unsound
waiting for the sand.

[bedeep]

*blush*

*facepalm*

now I remember. Thanks, Quix.

[Quixilated]

Anytime, b.
-Q.

[Magpie]

For some reason I don't see this as incomplete like most of the other commenters and I thought I should say something. If there is any sense or feeling of being 'incomplete' or possibly better to say 'not ending', then I think it only adds to the whole scene and the trees that stand sentinel forever.

The whole overall feeling of the poem for me is one of terror of the unknown and it works.
The line 'listening for the unsound' seems to be the key to the poem, there is an element of madness in it like Leanne said, because of the way it seems nonsensical. I may be wrong but I get the impression that 'the unsound' may have not been understood by all who have read this. Perhaps if you were to put it in inverted commas or even italics it would draw attention to it more.

Having said that I am also starting to wonder if I have missed anything in those last three lines in, 'the quiet', 'the unsound', and 'the sand'. It's the last one that confused me a bit, perhaps a reference that I don't know, although I'm happy to see it as meaning, 'the passage of time'.

I meant to comment on this when I first read it, but I must of got distracted then forgot so I'm glad it managed to come back around.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

[milo]

For some reason I don't see this as incomplete like most of the other commenters and I thought I should say something. If there is any sense or feeling of being 'incomplete' or possibly better to say 'not ending', then I think it only adds to the whole scene and the trees that stand sentinel forever.

The whole overall feeling of the poem for me is one of terror of the unknown and it works.
The line 'listening for the unsound' seems to be the key to the poem, there is an element of madness in it like Leanne said, because of the way it seems nonsensical. I may be wrong but I get the impression that 'the unsound' may have not been understood by all who have read this. Perhaps if you were to put it in inverted commas or even italics it would draw attention to it more.

Having said that I am also starting to wonder if I have missed anything in those last three lines in, 'the quiet', 'the unsound', and 'the sand'. It's the last one that confused me a bit, perhaps a reference that I don't know, although I'm happy to see it as meaning, 'the passage of time'.

I meant to comment on this when I first read it, but I must of got distracted then forgot so I'm glad it managed to come back around.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

Thanks for reading and commenting.  As for it being unfinished, I mostly intended it to be written on a vine leaf so if that is the final verdict, I feel there is no real way to fix it other than throw it in the trash so I am glad you found some redemption at least.


Despite my better nature, there will always be a part of me that tries to sneak word play into everything whether it is impossible for anyone but the most extreme fantasy geeks to notice (ahem, Leanne) like drowse (drows) or the double meaning of sand for both desolation and sleep.

Either way, thanks for reading and commenting and for finding something worthwhile I'm it. I am going to consider some things to change before I relegate it to the trash heap.

[Quixilated]

Good heavens, milo, I hope you aren't serious about throwing it away. It's beautiful. It feels whispered almost like a lullaby. I especially like the phrases "teasing slumber from the "earthborne" and "listening for the unsound." And then the image of the forest cutting off the moonlight and keeping watch, it's exactly what is. And somehow reading it just FEELS sleepy. I grew up surrounded by the sound of cicadas and the very naming of them has a sort of magic. Again, it's lovely. Please don't kill it?
--Quix
(poem advocate)

[milo]

Good heavens, milo, I hope you aren't serious about throwing it away.  It's beautiful.  It feels whispered almost like a lullaby.  I especially like the phrases "teasing slumber from the "earthborne" and "listening for the unsound."  And then the image of the forest cutting off the moonlight and keeping watch, it's exactly what is.  And somehow reading it just FEELS sleepy.  I grew up surrounded by the sound of cicadas and the very naming of them has a sort of magic.  Again, it's lovely. Please don't kill it?  
--Quix
(poem advocate)

You are a sweetheart.

[bedeep]

Also, the use of sand is excellent.