The Forests in Winter

[Ashok1]

Still working on the earlier poem but that is going to take a while. Here is another one.  

Another year has run its course, and now
The land reposes in the silent arms
Of winter's mantle. Through the long, dark nights
And hurried days the ancient forests sleep.
These gnarled and knotted forms of oak and elm
Have shed their summer raiment, and prepare
Themselves for winter's frosty march, though still
Their dormant forms stand ever-watchful guard.
While safe beneath their frosty carapace
The denizens of England's forests sleep.
At once protected from their deadliest foes
And winter's scorn, they rest their weary limbs,
Until once more Spring’s gentle zephyr breathes
New life into the forest’s sleeping floor.

[Achebe]

Still working on the earlier poem but that is going to take a while. Here is another one.  

Another year has run its course, and now
The land reposes in the silent arms
Of winter's mantle. Through the long, dark nights ....a mantle is a cloak. 'arms of a mantle'....you see what I mean
And hurried days the ancient forests sleep. ....'winter's mantle' and now 'ancient forests' - hackneyed.
These gnarled and knotted forms of oak and elm ....why does 'knotted' have to follow on 'gnarled'? divorce the two and avoid another cliche. 
Have shed their summer raiment, and prepare ....if the 'winter's mantle' is already lying upon the earth, the oaks must have 'prepared' for it a few months ago, so the simple present is inapprpriate
Themselves for winter's frosty march, though still ....what follows 'still' isn't contradicting anything in the preceding, so it's pure meter filler. More cliches in 'summer raiment' and 'frosty march'.
Their dormant forms stand ever-watchful guard. ...against what? the 'watchful guard' seems like it has resulted from word association with 'stand'
While safe beneath their frosty carapace ....the 'chitinous shell' of living trees? I don't see how 'carapace' can be applied here. the trees aren't dead; at worst only a few of them are.
The denizens of England's forests sleep. ....rancid euphemism in 'denizens'. besides, are you talking about dead bodies or seeds? If the latter, then why the 'the' - surely there are other denizens as well? 
At once protected from their deadliest foes
And winter's scorn, they rest their weary limbs,....so you are talking about dead bodies and not seeds
Until once more Spring’s gentle zephyr breathes .... terribly, terribly cliched.
New life into the forest’s sleeping floor. ....not sure what happens then - from the 'until', it seems that you are suggesting the dead rise from their graves. 

the good thing is that you have a sense of meter and rhythm, but you need to get out of the trap of trying to write like you think poetry should be written, i.e. flowery and highfaultin

[heslopian]

I really enjoyed this poem. I suppose one could argue that you've over-egged the pudding somewhat, with the density of the pathetic fallacy (the fallacy whereby one ascribes personality to nature, i.e. the oaks in your poem standing "ever-watchful guard"), but I didn't mind too much. The poem does slip from the mind a little bit because there's not much narrative or solid landscape beyond the metaphors, but it was a hell of a lot more elegant and sweet than many faux-Romantic, self-absorbed poems that stink up the ether. Thank you for the read

[Ashok1]

Thank you all so much! Back to the drawing board!

Achebe- Does everything have to mean exactly what it says?

Heslopian- does there really need to be narrative? I prefer to let the reader use their imagination. I think the problem may be that it is too short.

[Achebe]

Achebe- Does everything have to mean exactly what it says?

No. Metaphors are an obvious example of a meaning different than the literal one, and they are freely used in poetry.
But you need to avoid mixing them up, as in the case of mantles having arms: not just in poetry, but in writing more generally.

[heslopian]

Thank you all so much! Back to the drawing board!

Achebe- Does everything have to mean exactly what it says?

Heslopian- does there really need to be narrative? I prefer to let the reader use their imagination. I think the problem may be that it is too short.

Well, no, there doesn't need to be a narrative in the novelistic sense of characters and plot. But there does need to be some sort of engine moving the poem from beginning to end, otherwise it's just a mush.

[Ashok1]

Yes I can see that - many thanks

[Ashok1]

Achebe- Does everything have to mean exactly what it says?

No. Metaphors are an obvious example of a meaning different than the literal one, and they are freely used in poetry.
But you need to avoid mixing them up, as in the case of mantles having arms: not just in poetry, but in writing more generally.

Thanks very much- very helpful. Clearly a lot of work for me to do!