A Raindrop Landed In My Eye

[mackzmike]

It was a minute before the rain came.
The still, cool air sounded like static.
I remember,
there was a seagull
sitting by a dumpster.
Its right wing was bent 
and twitching.
It was staring at me,
I stared back,
and for a moment it felt as if
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
whose beak was buried in a used diaper.
The rain came.

[ellajam]

We are all expected to leave a minimum of one workshop critique for someone else before starting a new workshop thread of our own. Please catch up, thanks, ella

[mackzmike]

We are all expected to leave a minimum of one workshop critique for someone else before starting a new workshop thread of our own. Please catch up, thanks, ella

Sorry about that, I'm still getting used to the website. Taken care of.

[Achebe]

A minute before the rain came,
in still, cool air like static,
a seagull perched on a dumpster,
its wing bent and twitching,
staring at me,
who stared back,
and for a moment it felt that
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
his beak buried in a used diaper.

I like the idea of your poem: poking a little fun at our tendency to anthropomorphise.
Too many words in the original. Version above is a suggestion.
You should end it at diaper as that's the punchline.

[REW]

It was a minute before the rain came.
The still, cool air sounded like static.
I remember,
there was a seagull
sitting by a dumpster.
Its right wing was bent 
and twitching.
It was staring at me,
I stared back,
and for a moment it felt as if
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
whose beak was buried in a used diaper.
The rain came.

You have some interesting images here.  I wasn't expecting the seagull to be eating a diaper, but many animals seem to enjoy eating poop.  Yummy.  I will return...

[REW]

It was a minute before the rain came.
The still, cool air sounded like static.
I remember,
there was a seagull
sitting by a dumpster.
Its right wing was bent 
and twitching.
It was staring at me, (grammatically there should be a semicolon to link independent clauses instead of a comma)
I stared back,
and for a moment it felt as if
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
whose beak was buried in a used diaper.
The rain came.

I find humor in this that I didn't see my first go around.  I mean how funny that the speaker feels him and the seagull understand one another, and then when he looks back at the seagull it is eating a diaper...so of course that is when the rain came.

Poetically there isn't much in terms of figurative language and etc.  I do like the moment captured though and for the topic I suppose simple is best.

I am not sure about the title...perhaps give some thought to that???

---

It was a minute before the rain came.
The still, cool air sounded like static.
I remember,
there was a seagull
sitting by a dumpster.
Its right wing was bent 
and twitching.
It was staring at me, (grammatically there should be a semicolon to link independent clauses instead of a comma)
I stared back,
and for a moment it felt as if
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
whose beak was buried in a used diaper.
The rain came.

I find humor in this that I didn't see my first go around.  I mean how funny that the speaker feels him and the seagull understand one another, and then when he looks back at the seagull it is eating a diaper...so of course that is when the rain came.

Poetically there isn't much in terms of figurative language and etc.  I do like the moment captured though and for the topic I suppose simple is best.

I am not sure about the title...perhaps give some thought to that???

[ephemerald]

I like the fact that this is a minute snippet into an (oddly) intimate, bleak moment and how what was already a shade of grey turns into an even darker one just within that one minute of time. The words themselves need not be elaborate; the simplicity of them with the direct, concrete images provoked are poetic in that grainy sort of way.

Admittedly, I really didn't think anything at all of this poem my first few read-throughs. It's only when I came back to it that it did something for me.

[jameso]

I also like this idea, that we connect with a seagull, projecting our own understanding of the world onto it. then it is broken with an act of animal depravity, then you get rained on. mildly cynical and humourour.

is there any reason why this line separates into two?:
my eye lids
shut.

im not sure what you were going for but for me it doesn't really add poetic gravitas or rhythm having shut on a separate line

[actual_trash]

this is cool but it feels sort of like you hit enter a lot on a piece of prose to make it sound deeper, but it just makes it feel flatter than the work as a story.  I love birds though keep at it with the bird stuff

[Ashok1]

Nice, but it could just as easily read as prose; I agree with actual_trash.

"It was a minute..."sounds a bit prosaic. How about "It was the moment...." since you seem to want to capture what happened in that brief passage of time and comment on its importance. Though what that is, is not quite clear. The minute seems a bit light. How about describing a few more things that happened in the moment? Might lend it more weight.

The connection between the writer and the seagull isnt clear; has it something to do with the broken wing ie is the writer "broken" in some way?

Why did the moment of understanding pass, and what was the effect on the writer?

The reference to the diaper spoils the flow a bit for me. So what is the significance of that action? Does it mean that the seagull has turned its attention to something more immediate?

[helenalovern@gmail.com]

It was a minute before the rain came.
The still, cool air sounded like static.
I remember,
there was a seagull
sitting by a dumpster.
Its right wing was bent 
and twitching.
It was staring at me,
I stared back,
and for a moment it felt as if
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
whose beak was buried in a used diaper.
The rain came.

Somehow i find humor in this poem. I'm not sure if that was the way it was meant to be... but i like it! Plus, poems and words, they are what you make them. I found this poem witty, despite the "gloomy" essence of the bent winged bird and the static air, sitting by a dumpster. 
Worded wonderfully in my opinion. It put a happy, tom and jerry type of imagery in my mind as i pictured it all. 
Thanks for the poem.

[Enrique34]

It was a minute before the rain came.
The still, cool air sounded like static.
I remember,
there was a seagull
sitting by a dumpster.
Its right wing was bent 
and twitching.
It was staring at me,
I stared back,
and for a moment it felt as if
we understood each other.
 
My focus was broken by
a misshapen “V” of geese
squawking overhead.
I looked up and
a raindrop landed in my eye.
I winced and pressed
my eye lids 
shut.
I opened them,
and looked back at the seagull,
whose beak was buried in a used diaper.
The rain came.

The imagery is great. I like how the sudden twist at the end with the diaper caught me by surprise haha it was like some nice comedic relief after a sort of gloomy feel. It lightened it all up at the end and it made you feel. After all that's what poetry is supposed to make you do! ?