Poetry in Real Time #5

[Tiger the Lion]

It’s beautiful outside;
mild for March.
 
I’m in pajamas, sipping coffee
and watching
 
snowflakes the size of dinner-plate doilies
fall slower than gravity ought to allow,
and watching
 
my little white beagle
endeavour
to catch them all.
 
He’s been at it since dawn.
 
Should I be calling him in?
or is he calling me out?

[Keith]

Get your wellies on and get out there I really enjoyed the whole poem its so easy to connect with and the last is a perfect dilemma over morning coffee. I would take a look at the 2 x and watching I dont think you need the second one. Much enjoyed Keith

[Tiger the Lion]

Get your wellies on and get out there I really enjoyed the whole poem its so easy to connect with and the last is a perfect dilemma over morning coffee. I would take a look at the 2 x and watching I dont think you need the second one. Much enjoyed Keith

Thank you Keith, for reading, commenting and the good advice. I was trying to contrast the N's watching with the dog's endeavoring. I couldn't decide whether "and watching" twice was too little or too much. I tried to manage it with blank space and line breaks but acknowledge it's not quite right.
Thanks.
Paul

[Julius]

A charming and easily imagined "picture in poetry" that generates a warm feeling on a cold day
The only thing which jars with me is the dinner plate sized doilies. The rest of the poem is so believable that, at least for me, although the picture is magical the exaggeration takes away some of the realism.

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks Julius, and you're right. I allowed myself one flourish of description in the middle. Somewhat hyperbolic, but intended. I only hope it worked half as hard as intended. They were remarkable snowflakes and deserved a little praise. 
Paul

[Lizzie]

This is gorgeous, Tiger.

It’s beautiful outside; -- not loving 'beautiful' -- it's too vague. Could mean practically anything.
mild for March.
 
I’m in pajamas, sipping coffee
and watching
 
snowflakes the size of dinner-plate doilies -- love this line
fall slower than gravity ought to allow,
and watching -- I agree with Keith about the two watchings
 
my little white beagle
endeavour
to catch them all.
 
He’s been at it since dawn.
 
Should I be calling him in?
or is he calling me out? -- dynamite ending

Thanks for sharing!

Lizzie

[Tiger the Lion]

This is gorgeous, Tiger.

It’s beautiful outside; -- not loving 'beautiful' -- it's too vague. Could mean practically anything.
mild for March.
 
I’m in pajamas, sipping coffee
and watching
 
snowflakes the size of dinner-plate doilies -- love this line
fall slower than gravity ought to allow,
and watching -- I agree with Keith about the two watchings
 
my little white beagle
endeavour
to catch them all.
 
He’s been at it since dawn.
 
Should I be calling him in?
or is he calling me out? -- dynamite ending

Thanks for sharing!

Lizzie

Thank you Lizzie. I haven't looked at this since first posted. It was indeed observed and written in real time, but may be worth a second look. 
Paul

[canofworms]

I like it on the whole.  
The dinner plate doily sized snow flakes threw off my rhythm because I had to stop and ponder the possibility of such a large snowflake.  then I'm thrown off again when I imagined your beagle catching them. 
Since you are having breakfast what about corn-flakes or even frosted corn flakes.  
Forgive me running with this "Snow falls like frosted cornflakes into the milky sea that was my lawn." 
Sorry, I know that's silly, but I couldn't resist.

You could just say "Snowflakes like doilies"

I don't mind the repetition of you watching. 
In fact I like it.  
It's the conflict in the poem.  
Wonderful life is happening  and you are just watching.

[ellajam]

google just read this so I clicked in and saw I hadn't commented. Every time I read it it seems like an old friend, brings me right there. Good one.