A Cure for a Stammer edit 0.1keith,tiger

[tectak]

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried but wuh-wuh words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

[Keith]

How do you come up with these ideas, I found the stammers rather frustrating to read but it does work within the lines I'm just not sure of the poems basis. I don't want to sound foolish or a smart arse but here goes. If this is a recollection then why is the N stammering especially in S1 and S2, surley it should start in S3 when the reader is place at the scene of the crimes against the N as such as it is. I must say the meter is spot on and its really not easy to tell a story so well as this. I have put some other comments for your consideration.
Best Keith

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right. I'm hooked I want to know what he did.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-buh back but we The phrasing here feels off as though it is structured to catch the ryhme
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign This is a nice observation I like the detail
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time. Girls to bitches ?

Except just once, her name was Clementine. Like how you catch the rhyme from S3
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned. You got me, happy the N has found a soul mate

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied. This cuts deep given th N plight

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum. I like how the story is unraveling

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow! Neat ending in a weird psycho kind of way
1tectak2016

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey tectak. Unfortunately, my first impression was that the piece was gimmicky. I agree with Keith that it is an interesting idea, but for me, it doesn't go far beyond that. Try reading the piece without the stutters and think how you might critique it in the "serious" forum. (I say this because had it been posted "for fun", I would have given it an enthusiastic thumbs up.) I have to disagree with Keith about the meter. Is it "spot on"? Of course it is. You have the omnipotent power of the stutter to manipulate it. For me, it's a good story, but not overly original and mostly puh-puh propped up by a gimmick that I know you are capable of exploiting better. 
Paul

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-buh back but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

[tectak]

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-buh back but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

Yes to all you say. This poem is a pretender. I wanted to show how the stress increased the stuttering but started to enjoy myself instead It SHOULD be in fun. If anyone wants to muh muh move it that's fine by me.
Glad you got to the end. I know the stutter is a meter device but I hope you know I can do it without
Best,
Tom

[Tiger the Lion]

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-buh back but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

Yes to all you say. This poem is a pretender. I wanted to show how the stress increased the stuttering but started to enjoy myself instead It SHOULD be in fun. If anyone wants to muh muh move it that's fine   by me.
Glad you got to the end. I know the stutter is a meter device but I hope you know I can do it without
Best,
Tom

Good egg. 

Your skills with meter were never in question. IMO your blank verse pieces (where meter matters most) demonstrate it remarkably. In this case you were holding a bunch of wildcards you didn't need. 
I still think this is a workable idea. Had this been posted by someone whose writing I was less familiar with, I likely would have pointed out all that I liked rather than the one thing I didn't. But that would have been useless.
Paul

[tectak]

How do you come up with these ideas, I found the stammers rather frustrating to read but it does work within the lines I'm just not sure of the poems basis. I don't want to sound foolish or a smart arse but here goes. If this is a recollection then why is the N stammering especially in S1 and S2, surley it should start in S3 when the reader is place at the scene of the crimes against the N as such as it is.  I must say the meter is spot on and its really not easy to tell a story so well as this. I have put some other comments for your consideration.
Best Keith

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right. I'm hooked I want to know what he did.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-buh back but we The phrasing here feels off as though it is structured to catch the ryhme
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign This is a nice observation I like the detail
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time. Girls to bitches ?

Except just once, her name was Clementine. Like how you catch the rhyme from S3
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned. You got me, happy the N has found a soul mate

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied. This cuts deep given th N plight

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum. I like how the story is unraveling

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow! Neat ending in a weird psycho kind of way
1tectak2016

Glad you took the trip,keith. I knew that there would be an irritation factor in the stammering BUT morally we feel obliged and good about ourselves for listening to stammerers desperately trying to get their words out. It is an understanding of the condition which permits this tolerance...kids don't get it, it takes time.
Though this is not based on any specific incident I could readily believe it has happened many times.
Some say stick it in the fun forum...fine by me. I don't stammer but don't think it's that funny
Best,
tectak

[Keith]

The question is do you intend to workshop the poem ? if you do then its fine to leave it in serious if not then I agree Misc rather than Fun I have one close friend and a work college that stammer a lot, both have grown thick skin over the years and it took me a long time to stop finishing their sentences.

[Tiger the Lion]

My father stammered from about the age of six to well into his forties. There is nothing "funny" about it.
What I said was that I would have received the poem differently in the fun forum. I suppose Misc would be more appropriate but I don't associate the "fun" forum with strictly funny subject matter. There are poems in that forum about murder and gang rape ffs. By all means workshop it. I'll be happy to help if I can.
Paul

[tectak]

My father stammered from about the age of six to well into his forties. There is nothing "funny" about it.
What I said was that I would have received the poem differently in the fun forum. I suppose Misc would be more appropriate but I don't associate the "fun" forum with strictly funny subject matter. There are poems in that forum about murder and gang rape ffs. By all means workshop it. I'll be happy to help if I can.
Paul

Hi tiger,
No, no. No criticism intended. I fully appreciate the difference between funny in content and funny in forum
This IS for workshopping. In fact, I have already slipped in a mini edit.
My comment on the increase in intensity of the stammer with stress I have personal experience of, albeit third party. I didn't want this one to go on for too long and so I "allowed" the character to tell his "story", stressfully in recall, then to confess what he has done...stress falls away, stammer gone. That is all. I don't do complicated.
Best,
tectak

[Tiger the Lion]

Finally back. Sorry it took so long. 
As discussed, I think it's possible you enjoyed writing it more than reading it. But we all do. 
What I want most is for the stutters to be in the right place. In my limited experience a stutter is a bit like an emotional bottle neck. The bottle gets flipped upside-down and the pressure builds mostly on words and ideas too big to get out. I'll try my best to demonstrate below...
 

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right. In this first strophe the words "sleep, awake, happy and right" carry the most emotional weight. I think these are the words a stammerer would stammer on.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse. Fuck is a tough one. If they're mad they would not stutter on it. If they're nervous about being so bold, they certainly would.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away: absolutely on girls 
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign too confusing for the N's voice
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time. do we feel like we've lost face saying "fuck you"

Except just once, her name was Clementine. couldn't she just be "Joan"?
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch. this line is subtly wonderful
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch. for God's sake stutter on the W's. Please exploit this.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back. talked and twitched are right. Grinned sounds like a forced rhyme every time I read it. Not your fault. Hha
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth. stutter on "kissed" no question
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied. a little clumsy here. Easy fix for you.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch. this works well

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come. "words" stick with the W's for effect
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.tense gets wonky here. No specific suggestions

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand. I want a stammer on "gun". Allow me one metrical challenge on this one. 
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

Good luck with this. For whatever reason it is a bit of an exhausting read. That can be both good and bad. You have all the metrical tricks in the world to help with tweaking. Use 'em!
Paul

[tectak]

Finally back. Sorry it took so long. 
As discussed, I think it's possible you enjoyed writing it more than reading it. But we all do. 
What I want most is for the stutters to be in the right place. In my limited experience a stutter is a bit like an emotional bottle neck. The bottle gets flipped upside-down and the pressure builds mostly on words and ideas too big to get out. I'll try my best to demonstrate below...
 

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right. In this first strophe the words "sleep, awake, happy and right" carry the most emotional weight. I think these are the words a stammerer would stammer on.You may be right but it is moot. The narrator is "stammering out" his story and it is probably not relevant which words he stammers on. The emotion attached to the story is overpoweringly more than to individual words. Anyhoo, I was there  

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse. Fuck is a tough one. If they're mad they would not stutter on it. If they're nervous about being so bold, they certainly would.So he was nervous...though I have not heard this theory before. Non-stutterers DO sometimes stutter on isolated words when, for example, lying. In this case, the narrator is risking a stutter to make a strong and inwardly truthful point...I am consciously trying to get the stutter rate down as the story unfolds. I guess that I thought this is germane

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away: absolutely on girls 
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign too confusing for the N's voice
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time. do we feel like we've lost face saying "fuck you"No...but you would if you said fuh-fuck you...that is the point. Oops...just noticed an extra fuh-fuckin fuh-foot! See edited version.

Except just once, her name was Clementine. couldn't she just be "Joan"? We have gone past J-J-J-Joan and C-C-C-Clementine by now.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch. this line is subtly wonderful
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch. for God's sake stutter on the W's. Please exploit this.You are right. Trouble is the two W's. Wuh wuh wind-up whu whu Witch just ran out of muh muh meter

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back. talked and twitched are right. Grinned sounds like a forced rhyme every time I read it. Not your fault. Hha
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.You know, I had a lot of choices in this line BUT the silent unspoken nature of the shared emotional response, the grin, just seemed right. I didn't reverse rhyme it and so if anything it is the "sinned" which is forced.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth. stutter on "kissed" no questionYes. I will change it. Good. It will not be easy. The "rough" word is important in its clumsy intent. May take a while.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied. a little clumsy here. Easy fix for you.Not sure why it seems clumsy but am open to advice

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch. this works well

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come. "words" stick with the W's for effectYes to this immediately
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.tense gets wonky here. No specific suggestionsGetting close to the now...hence tense shift

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand. I want a stammer on "gun". Allow me one metrical challenge on this one.  No. Sorry. No stuttering in the final stanza...he is cured
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

Good luck with this. For whatever reason it is a bit of an exhausting read. That can be both good and bad. You have all the metrical tricks in the world to help with tweaking. Use 'em!
Paul

Thanks Paul. Two changes will be incorporated. Credit.
Best,
tectak

[Tiger the Lion]

One thing I forgot to mention below... (also, you're right about no stutter in the last strophe- I got distracted)

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we if you remove the stutter and vernacular, this essentially says "I hated kids, but we were kids." 
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried but wuh-wuh words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

[tectak]

One thing I forgot to mention below... (also, you're right about no stutter in the last strophe- I got distracted)

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we if you remove the stutter and vernacular, this essentially says "I hated kids, but we were kids." Yes. That's right.
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried but wuh-wuh words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

[Achebe]

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried but wuh-wuh words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

missed this somehow - I love poems that tell stories, and this one tells a nice little tale.
the question is, is the stammer pattern authentic? 'W's are the hardest to pronounce, but 'wind up witch' is smooth.
Sorry, had to (try and) find fault with something!

[tectak]

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right.

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse.

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away:
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time.

Except just once, her name was Clementine.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch.
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch.

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back.
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied.

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch.

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried but wuh-wuh words just wouldn't come.
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand.
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

missed this somehow - I love poems that tell stories, and this one tells a nice little tale.
the question is, is the stammer pattern authentic? 'W's are the hardest to pronounce, but 'wind up witch' is smooth.
Sorry, had to (try and) find fault with something!

Huh-huh- who knows. I have a friend who only stammers on G-words and then only when sober...Gin and Tonic usually sorts him out but someone else has to order it.
Best,
tectak