At the needle exchange

[Magpie]

Edit 1
At the needle exchange
I'm a cipher on a pedestal.
They riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters?

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog."




Original
At the needle exchange
I am enigmatic.
A cipher on a pedestal,
they riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters?

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog."



Note:
Pins is slang for needles/hypodermic syringes.
Sin bin is slang for a container for used needles.

[cidermaid]

Hi mark,
Just wanted to say how much I like the premise and tone of this one.  i think you have done a good job with offsetting the humorous twist of the pov against the underlying seriousness of the  illness.
i particularly like the way that you have blended the medical images and terms / names with the slag names to give a picture of a place where clinical / meets  civilian/ meets street life

The last stanza sealed the deal for me in terms of the whole working for me.
My only nit was I did not really get the need for the question marks and then the opener I ask - felt like this should be past tense I asked.  (as I read the previous stanza as in [you gave me]  Steri-wipes, ci-tric, fil-ters ...  [so that in my read the end punctuation was ??? or even !!!]
sorry making a hash of explaining my thoughts here.  (long day yesterday and up early to finish a large concreting job...talking of which gtg and float my concrete !!)

AJ.

At the needle exchange
I am enigmatic.
A cipher on a pedestal,
they riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters?

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog."



Note:
Pins is slang for needles/hypodermic syringes.
Sin bin is slang for a container for used needles.

[Magpie]

Hi mark,
Just wanted to say how much I like the premise and tone of this one.  i think you have done a good job with offsetting the humorous twist of the pov against the underlying seriousness of the  illness.
i particularly like the way that you have blended the medical images and terms / names with the slag names to give a picture of a place where clinical / meets  civilian/ meets street life

The last stanza sealed the deal for me in terms of the whole working for me.
My only nit was I did not really get the need for the question marks and then the opener I ask - felt like this should be past tense I asked.  (as I read the previous stanza as in [you gave me]  Steri-wipes, ci-tric, fil-ters ...  [so that in my read the end punctuation was ??? or even !!!]
sorry making a hash of explaining my thoughts here.  (long day yesterday and up early to finish a large concreting job...talking of which gtg and float my concrete !!)

AJ.

Hi AJ,

Thanks for the read and the comments. I'm not entirely sure if I've managed to convey the whole of what I was actually meaning. The 'Steri-wipes? ci-tric? fil-ters?' section were actual questions that they were asking, and the reply was a way of answering no to each of them. Perhaps if that next line was 'I ask for just pins and sin bins', with the inclusion of 'just' possibly clearing things up.
I've been holding off replying to you all day because for some reason I had it in my head that the only way to reply would be to explain the whole thing, but because I was hoping someone else may comment I didn't want to prejudice their view. But just now reading your comment made more sense to me and I realised I could reply without influencing other thoughts. It must of been my tiredness earlier on that clouded my thinking.
Thanks for the comments and thoughts hopefully I can make more sense of this poem later on.

It's good to see you coming back and writing more poetry again.   

Mark

[mackzmike]

Opening stanza draws the reader in very nicely. The whole poem has a unique flow to it. As far the stanza asking questions, I think if you combined it with the following stanza you could use the line "just pins and sin bins" which might flow better than "I ask for pins and sin bins." That way the line seems to directly follow the question.
But what do I know...

Either way it sounds good. Unique and original. Good job.

[Cathleen]

Hi mark,
Just wanted to say how much I like the premise and tone of this one.  i think you have done a good job with offsetting the humorous twist of the pov against the underlying seriousness of the  illness.
i particularly like the way that you have blended the medical images and terms / names with the slag names to give a picture of a place where clinical / meets  civilian/ meets street life

The last stanza sealed the deal for me in terms of the whole working for me.
My only nit was I did not really get the need for the question marks and then the opener I ask - felt like this should be past tense I asked.  (as I read the previous stanza as in [you gave me]  Steri-wipes, ci-tric, fil-ters ...  [so that in my read the end punctuation was ??? or even !!!]
sorry making a hash of explaining my thoughts here.  (long day yesterday and up early to finish a large concreting job...talking of which gtg and float my concrete !!)

AJ.

At the needle exchange
I am enigmatic.
A cipher on a pedestal,
they riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters?

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog."



Note:
Pins is slang for needles/hypodermic syringes.
Sin bin is slang for a container for used needles.

Hi,
I thought it flowed well and it was quite clear what was happening with the questions.
I personally would stick with 'I ask for' - something wonderfully blunt in the description of this transaction.

[heslopian]

This is a nice little surrealist poem with a neat rhythm and a couple of plays on language I enjoyed.

At the needle exchange
I am enigmatic. - I don't know if this opener is really needed. It feels weirdly like a boast.
A cipher on a pedestal,
they riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters? - This dissection of words creates a good trippy rhythm, reflective of the nature of getting high (I assume; I've never taken drugs, but as a reader a drug trip is what these lines bring to mind).

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer. - The use of "angelic" is extremely effective in this sentence, because it creates a pleasingly nasty contrast with the violence.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog." = My guess is that this line refers to an excuse the narrator may or may not have given as to why he needs to exchange needles, but I don't know. I don't necessarily think that you should make it any clearer, though.



Note:
Pins is slang for needles/hypodermic syringes.
Sin bin is slang for a container for used needles. - I'm not sure that I should really comment on this as it's not a part of the poem, just an author's note, but in tandem with the piece I don't think that it's necessary. A lot of the poem is fairly esoteric already, so explaining two of the terms feels a bit pointless and anticlimactic to me.

Thank you for the read, ambrosial

[Magpie]

This is a nice little surrealist poem with a neat rhythm and a couple of plays on language I enjoyed.

At the needle exchange
I am enigmatic. - I don't know if this opener is really needed. It feels weirdly like a boast.
A cipher on a pedestal,
they riddle me with bullets.

I think I see how you read this and although that was not my intention I can understand why it is being read that way. The opener is actually, "At the needle exchange I am enigmatic" and although I intended this poem to have no title I had to give it some kind of title when creating the thread. So the title is the first line even though it isn't the first line. Lord knows why I underlined it and clouded the issue even further   Either way though the enigmatic line is getting kicked out because the mention of 'cipher' covers the same idea... Thanks 

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog." = My guess is that this line refers to an excuse the narrator may or may not have given as to why he needs to exchange needles, but I don't know. I don't necessarily think that you should make it any clearer, though.

What you have said here has really helped me regarding my thoughts about this poem and my need to explain it properly to the people who have commented. I no longer have that need and it's quite a relief. If it has worked for people in a way that I didn't intend then I'm fine with that delighted with that.

Note:
Pins is slang for needles/hypodermic syringes.
Sin bin is slang for a container for used needles. - I'm not sure that I should really comment on this as it's not a part of the poem, just an author's note, but in tandem with the piece I don't think that it's necessary. A lot of the poem is fairly esoteric already, so explaining two of the terms feels a bit pointless and anticlimactic to me.

I don't mind people commenting on the note at all, especially as I now agree with you. I thought at the time that I was enabling one kind of culture to understand another culture in the same way I had used a note in my previous poem to explain some words. Those words were however 'OAP' and 'giro' which was to help those who weren't British. I see now how one explanation is necessary and the other isn't. I shall remove the note on this poem.

Thanks Jack, you've really unmuddled the mess in my head about this poem. The thought of an explanation was becoming more daunting than any possible edits. But now it makes perfect sense for it make sense to others in another. Your use of the word 'surrealist' changed my opinion of how I was thinking about the poem.

Thanks for your thoughts,

Mark

---

Opening stanza draws the reader in very nicely. The whole poem has a unique flow to it. As far the stanza asking questions, I think if you combined it with the following stanza you could use the line "just pins and sin bins" which might flow better than "I ask for pins and sin bins." That way the line seems to directly follow the question.
But what do I know...

Either way it sounds good. Unique and original. Good job.

Thanks for your comments mackzmike, I apologize for the delay in my reply but I was holding off replying because I was pondering the best way that I could explain this poem. But as you will see from my other comments on here I no longer feel the need to explain anything and in fact think that any explanation may spoil how the poem may have worked for some people.

Your thoughts are much appreciated, thanks for reading,

Mark

Hi,
I thought it flowed well and it was quite clear what was happening with the questions.
I personally would stick with 'I ask for' - something wonderfully blunt in the description of this transaction.

Hi Cathleen,

Thanks for reading and your thoughts. I am going to stick with 'I ask for', I knew in my head why I was going to stick with it and your comment about it being 'blunt' is a spot on observation.

Thanks,

Mark

[helenalovern@gmail.com]

Edit 1
At the needle exchange
I'm a cipher on a pedestal.
They riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters?

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog."




Original
At the needle exchange
I am enigmatic.
A cipher on a pedestal,
they riddle me with bullets.

Steri-Wipes?
Ci-tric?
Fil-ters?

I ask for pins and sin bins,
whilst watching angelic hands
struggle with a silencer.
As they reload
I tell them about my friend.

A simple lie would gain their respect.

I tell the truth.

My words are met rhythmically
with six muffled gunshots,
"A - di - a - bet - ic - dog."



Note:
Pins is slang for needles/hypodermic syringes.
Sin bin is slang for a container for used needles.

i love how poems and paragraphs can translate to different things for different people. For me, this is about putting your dog "down".
your words were vague, but detailed enough to plant a perfect image in my head. 
may not have been the image you were intending! but i'd like to know the true meaning of this poem. 
beautifully written.