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A Prayer of Walter Mitty's edit: Dale
she is a dream
and I love her
do not rouse me
A Prayer of Walter Mitty's
she is a dream
and I love her
do not rouse me
however late
* appropriate credit to James Thurber.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Mitty
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Reading this after reading Raymond Carver's "Waiting" hurts my soul.
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(02-21-2016, 02:02 AM)RiverNotch Wrote: Reading this after reading Raymond Carver's "Waiting" hurts my soul.
Thanks River. I went and read "Waiting" after reading your comment. Good poem. Funny the connections we make.
Paul
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(02-21-2016, 01:57 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: A Prayer of Walter Mitty's
she is a dream
and I love her
do not rouse me
however late
* appropriate credit to James Thurber.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Mitty
Nice one Paul,
I don't know how I missed this one, must of been daydreaming.
I like the play on words with rouse, from what I can remember of Walter Mitty it fits well with his character.
It's been a long time since I read it, or should I say had it read to me. One day at school one of our teachers was sick so we had a replacement teacher for one hour and in that hour he decided to read James Thurber's original short story to us. It made a lasting impression.
Thanks for the read and the memories,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie
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Paul,
I liked the poem through the first three lines. Interesting play on words with "rouse me". I can't decide if it was intended or not. Probably or you would have used "wake me".
If one were to say the first three lines were inspired, then the last line seems disingenuous, unless of course it is alluding to something that I am not aware of, in which case I still don't like it. It has been however, nearly forty years since I last read the story, although I did see the Ben Stiller movie recently. All I got from that is that Ben Stiller is too intense to play Walter Mitty (it's in the eyes), although I did think Sean Penn did very well with his role, even though I do not like Sean Penn personally.
Maybe you will tell me if L4 relates to something specifically from the story...
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(02-23-2016, 06:40 AM)Erthona Wrote: Paul,
I liked the poem through the first three lines. Interesting play on words with "rouse me". I can't decide if it was intended or not. Probably or you would have used "wake me".
If one were to say the first three lines were inspired, then the last line seems disingenuous, unless of course it is alluding to something that I am not aware of, in which case I still don't like it. It has been however, nearly forty years since I last read the story, although I did see the Ben Stiller movie recently. All I got from that is that Ben Stiller is too intense to play Walter Mitty (it's in the eyes), although I did think Sean Penn did very well with his role, even though I do not like Sean Penn personally.
Maybe you will tell me if L4 relates to something specifically from the story...
dale
You're right. The 4th line is somewhat of a personal departure. At this point my instinct is to strike it. However, I did like the 4th line for symmetry (not that that is a justification). My problem now is without L4 it reads too much like a Senryu, and that is definitely not what I want...
she is a dream
and I love her
do not rouse me
See what I mean? I have since considered "not today" as L4 but I think that too creates as many issues as it solves.
Paul
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Paul,
I am thinking if you you want to lengthen it, it should be before the last line. The last line is a pretty definite ending; anything else after it seems like a forced after thought. Three lines do not a senryu make. Plus this is more of an allusion than a human foible. I mean in that sense, Walter Mitty's entire character is a weakness
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(02-25-2016, 01:21 AM)Erthona Wrote: Paul,
I am thinking if you you want to lengthen it, it should be before the last line. The last line is a pretty definite ending; anything else after it seems like a forced after thought. Three lines do not a senryu make. Plus this is more of an allusion than a human foible. I mean in that sense, Walter Mitty's entire character is a weakness
dale
Edit posted. Thanks Dale.
Paul
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I like the change in meaning of "dream". The switch from thinking of her as a living walking "dream" to realising she really is a figment of a real sleeping dream works well for me
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(03-05-2016, 09:04 PM)Julius Wrote: I like the change in meaning of "dream". The switch from thinking of her as a living walking "dream" to realising she really is a figment of a real sleeping dream works well for me
Thanks Julius, one of my favourite things is trying to mix complex ideas with simplistic language and brevity. Dale was a huge help on this one because he always reminds me to remove myself from the poem. I made the title do a lot of work in this one, but I consider 12 successful words a result.
Thanks for reading.
Paul
