The Poet Tree

[LukeSizemore]

It is said of the seed of the Poet tree, it falls on heaven's great gusty breeze. It hits the earth with a thud and a lurch and miles underground begins its great birth.

Buried, unhurried, in no rush to grow. The season of thought sweeps in and the rain descends as its virtues begin to show.

Sprouting in the soil of language, the vine begins to rise. Toward the freedom found only in treedom it rises without a guide. 

A young tree of energy, it's branches show no flow. Expression bursts out recklessly in ways only the Poet tree knows.

Separate and distinct, the tree begins to crawl. Towards the skies of enlightenment, towards heavens golden halls.

To see the earth so clearly, through skies so often dreary. To climb to gaze on the truths of the world in the cracks and crevices of Gods great pearl. 

To garnish a higher sight, among even the lights of the night. To speak with the stars and question Mars, to find if they are right.

To see if there is an ending, to the wonder of ascending. To stumble upon the Source Himself and ask of His beginning. 

How highward and skyward it goes, only the Poet tree knows. For I have found that the trees of men will end where this tree only begins.

To learn of its vision, to see what it saw. To learn of the paintings in heaven's grand halls. To learn of the pearl, and great lights of the world. Let's run to the tree as boys and as girls.

We must climb and climb until we see, the most precious part of the Poet tree. A fruit on a branch, right there on a limb, from this we ourselves can learn to ascend.

So climb and reach out, without fear, without doubt. With a leap, with a shout. 

For in the age of men,

Poet trees are running out.

Eat of its fruit, swallow it's seeds, then you will see what the Poet tree sees. Let the seed free, become what you'll be, and through this great wonder, 

You too, will learn Poetry.

****I realize treedom and highward are neither real words, I just couldn't bring myself to ace them after I'd penned them in : My first poem on here, hope someone enjoys it!

[rowens]

There's nothing wrong with making up words, though some are more effective than others. The two you pointed out aren't so bad. You have its and it's inconsistencies and other possessive problems. The long lines, I think, fit the subject, even with the rhymes, though the choice and execution of rhymes here isn't the best. The God's great pearl line is stretching toward good imagery and metaphor, even stretching for beyond those things, but is a great example of the weakness of the poem. It feels like a war between inexperience with form and profound sentiments, as if you're fighting it out with the rhymes and leaping through the meter instinctively like over a bridge of stepping-stones with adrenaline, getting lucky here and there but falling short too. All of this goes perfectly with your theme, the tree would be complicated by other decisions and revisions, but complications might add to it, somehow.

[LukeSizemore]

There's nothing wrong with making up words, though some are more effective than others. The two you pointed out aren't so bad. You have its and it's inconsistencies and other possessive problems. The long lines, I think, fit the subject, even with the rhymes, though the choice and execution of rhymes here isn't the best. The God's great pearl line is stretching toward good imagery and metaphor, even stretching for beyond those things, but is a great example of the weakness of the poem. It feels like a war between inexperience with form and profound sentiments, as if you're fighting it out with the rhymes and leaping through the meter instinctively like over a bridge of stepping-stones with adrenaline, getting lucky here and there but falling short too. All of this goes perfectly with your theme, the tree would be complicated by other decisions and revisions, but complications might add to it, somehow.

Hey, thanks for the input! This is actually the first poem I've ever tried to write, just sat down and penned it one day. I haven't studied form or anything the way I would need to if I were more serious about it. I love your input though and I can definitely see what some of you're seeing!

[blanc]

Making up new words is allowed in my book. I like that you brought in the idea of growth and beginning through a metaphorical tree. It seems you are inspired by nature, and use it as a tool to better define concepts in your mind. There is a preciousness about nature, and new birth, that showed me how much you treasure this art form in a way. The use of it in the beginning made the topic of the poem a bit of a mystery at first, but perhaps you wanted it to be that way. Good work, would love to see more in the future.

[QDeathstar]

I think that creating words is fine, especially when it is clear what you mean, which in this case, we are. The poem has nice rythm, which I can appreciate. However, poems are about, in my opinion, making each word impactful. You've got a lot of words that do not add significant meaning to the peice. Half of the poem is conjunctions and pronouns.... how many times do you really need the word the?

this line:
,
To see if there is an ending, to the wonder of ascending

is my least favorite of the poem.... it is extremely awkward to the point of being hard to read, which was done for meter and rhyme, but meh.

[UselessBlueprint]

The lack of line breaks made this a little intimidating. And just to be an echo here, making up words is not a problem if done with purpose. In studying Latin poetry, I often encountered words that were made up by the poet, which are been called neologisms. In personal nit-picking, I don't like the capitalization of "the Poet tree." For mechanics, some of the long lines are justified, but for sections like lines 6-8, I don't see the purpose in formatting yet.

[LukeSizemore]

Thanks for the input everyone. With this being my first attempt at even writing something that resembled poetry, I wasn't completely sure how long lines/sentences were viewed and what they should accomplish. I also understand the concept of eliminating as many words as possible without taking away from the message of the poem. Thanks for your advice and ill definitely use it to refine things! Have a great week!