02-04-2016, 12:41 AM
The Lady of Shallots
with apologies to Lord Alfred Tennyson
On either side the shopping aisles,
employees greet with guiltless guile,
with nodding heads and simp'ring smiles,
you try to ask, they pass you by,
they're all a bunch of snots;
like swimming fish these creatures flow,
they'd rather fart than say hello,
through plastic doors they quickly go,
I only want shallots!
The place so cold it makes me shiver,
oh why can't this damn store deliver,
it seems I'm caught Twain beans and liver,
stuck on an island in a river,
oh why are they such snots.
Now finally my goal I see,
a vision evil brought to me,
I see her there, I almost pee,
the Lady of shallots.
Resembling a circus tent,
she's evil, mean and corpulent,
she's a grotesque with vast augment,
I quake to learn her cruel intent;
her nose is dripping snot.
I turn and flee this bulky whore,
I'm running quickly to the door,
I hate this putrid stinking store,
and I'll be coming back no more,
and fuck the damn shallots,
I'll buy some down the block!
erthona
©2016
Note: I could have made this as long as Tennyson's original (those who know me, know I am quite verbose enough o accomplish the task), but decided to follow the rule set out by Jeff Goldblum's character in "The Big Chill", which is "never write an article longer than it takes the average person to take a crap." Knowing that many people today have become more health conscious and have added more fiber to their diets I have calculated that time span to be no more than between thirty and forty-five seconds, unless of course one is old then they can probably make a good start on "War and Peace"... well, that is if they do not doze off in the process.
dale
with apologies to Lord Alfred Tennyson
On either side the shopping aisles,
employees greet with guiltless guile,
with nodding heads and simp'ring smiles,
you try to ask, they pass you by,
they're all a bunch of snots;
like swimming fish these creatures flow,
they'd rather fart than say hello,
through plastic doors they quickly go,
I only want shallots!
The place so cold it makes me shiver,
oh why can't this damn store deliver,
it seems I'm caught Twain beans and liver,
stuck on an island in a river,
oh why are they such snots.
Now finally my goal I see,
a vision evil brought to me,
I see her there, I almost pee,
the Lady of shallots.
Resembling a circus tent,
she's evil, mean and corpulent,
she's a grotesque with vast augment,
I quake to learn her cruel intent;
her nose is dripping snot.
I turn and flee this bulky whore,
I'm running quickly to the door,
I hate this putrid stinking store,
and I'll be coming back no more,
and fuck the damn shallots,
I'll buy some down the block!
erthona
©2016
Note: I could have made this as long as Tennyson's original (those who know me, know I am quite verbose enough o accomplish the task), but decided to follow the rule set out by Jeff Goldblum's character in "The Big Chill", which is "never write an article longer than it takes the average person to take a crap." Knowing that many people today have become more health conscious and have added more fiber to their diets I have calculated that time span to be no more than between thirty and forty-five seconds, unless of course one is old then they can probably make a good start on "War and Peace"... well, that is if they do not doze off in the process.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
you just seem to have a nose for that sort of thing 
