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Imprinted
Morning. Yellow Labrador
ninety pounds if it’s an ounce
whines piteously in
its clean, commodious night-cage
scared to evacuate, stymied urgency
afraid to widdle so much
as a drop
still lifelong-terrified
by giant gods
that cry, “Bad dog!”
and rolled newspapers
big as logs
to tiny puppies.
/fixed/ dale/mod
Non-practicing atheist
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Paul,
Why the big font? It looks like you are shouting.
This is not really a critique forum, but... something to bounce your thoughts off of. I know this is suppose to be just for fun, but I really like this idea and would like to see you improve it. Will send idea PM.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 1,187
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Apologies all around for the monster font - I'm using a borrowed PC with MS Word instead of my usual WordPerfect, and it seems to be sending secret signals to the Pen, to make copied pasting look foolish.
If it looks worth it, I'll post in a critique area... using an unbeclowned font. Thanks for the read, Dale!
(02-04-2016, 01:31 AM)Erthona Wrote: Paul,
Why the big font? It looks like you are shouting.
This is not really a critique forum, but... something to bounce your thoughts off of. I know this is suppose to be just for fun, but I really like this idea and would like to see you improve it. Will send idea PM.
dale
Edit: Thanks for fixing the font!
Non-practicing atheist
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I actually find this quite a serious, rather than a fun, topic. Perhaps the second line is redundant, the fact that Labradors are quite large dogs is well known. I'm not too sure how many dogs have a "night cage". Perhaps whines piteously at the closed back door?
Posts: 1,187
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(02-06-2016, 02:30 AM)Julius Wrote: I actually find this quite a serious, rather than a fun, topic. Perhaps the second line is redundant, the fact that Labradors are quite large dogs is well known. I'm not too sure how many dogs have a "night cage". Perhaps whines piteously at the closed back door?
I did have some background serious thoughts here, which show up mainly in "puppies," generalizing imprinted thou-shalt-nots beyond the proximate case (there really is a cage, by the way - it's quite large, with a nice, clean blanket in the bottom spotted only with drool... Labs gotta drool, it's genetic) and even beyond non-humans. Another valid criticism is that, offered purely for fun, it's rather mean humor. For which, of course, there's a market.
Non-practicing atheist
