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I
I am a terrible person.
I wince at Voltaire.
two girls discuss
Descartes in turn,
reading their notes at
the front of the class,
and all I can think is
how short their skirts are.
Forget conversion camps,
Philosophy class
is the cure for gayness.
II
I hate their clear voices,
their trendy fashions,
grey V-neck shirts
and red cardigans,
how they belong
in photographs
from student handbooks,
and glossy dramas
about college life.
I bet they drink
and go dancing together,
and hang around
outside lecture halls,
being young and being young.
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Beautiful poems, and they work superbly together... just loving the incisiveness and the truth in it, really capturing the feel and
taste of a certain kind of experience, a certain kind of life. There's a feel and emotion to the narrator that really brings the poems to life. Love the repetition in the closing line.
P.S. "Philosophy class is the cure for gayness" is a
classic line
.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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10-22-2010, 11:32 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2010, 11:33 AM by billy.)
i wouldn't change a thing. to me the two are perfect as a pair
and really compliment each other. the first i found funny because
of the last 4 lines. the poem (two parter) speaks for itself and
does so without much ado, i found it to be a good solid read.
thanks for putting it up jack, (no pun intended
) jmo
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(10-22-2010, 11:25 AM)addy Wrote: Beautiful poems, and they work superbly together... just loving the incisiveness and the truth in it, really capturing the feel and taste of a certain kind of experience, a certain kind of life. There's a feel and emotion to the narrator that really brings the poems to life. Love the repetition in the closing line.
P.S. "Philosophy class is the cure for gayness" is a classic line .
Thanks addy
My spur of the moment poems always do better than my more considered ones, and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet...
Glad I gave you a laugh with the last lines of the first poem, and that you liked the repetition as well; I worried that that finale might seem contrived.
(10-22-2010, 11:32 AM)billy Wrote: i wouldn't change a thing. to me the two are perfect as a pair
and really compliment each other. the first i found funny because
of the last 4 lines. the poem (two parter) speaks for itself and
does so without much ado, i found it to be a good solid read.
thanks for putting it up jack, (no pun intended ) jmo
Thanks Billy
You're praise often tastes much sweeter than most, because I know how cutting you can be
Not sure I quite grasp your pun, though...
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I've been meaning to get back to this one. I very much like what you did here. The first part has a dynamite ending and was an extremely fun read. Part two though, part two...
Wow!
I hate their clear voices,
their trendy fashions,
grey V-neck shirts
and red cardigans,
how they belong
in photographs
from student handbooks,
and glossy dramas
about college life.
I bet they drink and
go dancing together,
and hang around
outside lecture halls,
being young and being young.
This was absolutely perfect! Okay, okay one extremely minor nit (and it's only because I'm obsessive 99 out of 100 people I'm sure wouldn't care and saying all that I might be wrong)...Do you want to break:
I bet they drink and
on and. I think the line would be so much stronger just pulling the and down to the next line. (jmo). Okay that said, this poem is so, so very good. I almost think the concentrated power of poem 2 deserves to stand alone. The first poem is solid make no mistake, but the second one...god.
It reminds me a bit of Louise Gluck Mock orange with the opening.
being young and being young
Is a fantastic ending.
Thank you for the read. It was great.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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Thank you so much for the feedback and really kind words, Todd
I'm surprised at how well that second poem has been received, especially as I thought the ending might by seen as contrived.
I'll pull the "and" down a line when I've finished this comment; I doubt you're the only who'd pick that out, Todd. The enjambment does look a little sloppy.
Thanks again for all your kind words, they really mean the world to me, and I'll make sure to look up that poet you mentioned.
