Political Pastoral

[Erthona]

Political Pastoral 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
Come, listen to my song,
with ears long
like a hare
as she nibbles grass
over here, over there
and like her
be sure to praise my ass
who like her nibbles nearby
having ears long
and a face to match
as he brings up the rear.
 
            - - -
 
Then come back when you've the chance
to again hear me speak.
A speech to make babes smile,
giggle, burble, and laugh
like a rivulet, shallow, not at all deep;  
while mothers fear and weep
—after all I did get an "A" in sheep—.
 
Erthona

Critiques appreciated, but not required. 

 
©2015

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Dale. First off, I'm glad you're back.  I'm not overly familiar with this genre but I'll chime in anyway. 

Political Pastoral 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
Come, listen to my song,
with ears long
like a hare
as she nibbles grass
over here, over there
and like her
be sure to praise my ass this works well but I think some punctuation after "ass" might give the reader a moment to appreciate the line
who like her nibbles nearby I'm not sure how you got away with no commas in this line. I would have used 2 and been miserable about it. 
having ears long
and a face to match
as he brings up the rear.
 
            - - -
 
Then come back when you've the chance reading this aloud I want it to be " you have"
to again hear me speak.
A speech to make babes smile,
giggle, burble, and laugh "burble" 
like a rivulet, shallow, not at all deep;  this is an awkward line for me - feels like repetition for the sake of rhyme. 
while mothers fear and weep
—after all I did get an "A" in sheep—.
 
Erthona

Critiques appreciated, but not required.  



 Nice to see something new. Is the title overly generic? 
Paul
©2015

[Erthona]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your comments. Of course the title's generic, what else could it be ?  


"reading this aloud I want it to be " you have""

I vacillated on that myself. I think rhythmically it works better as is.

Then | come back | when you've | the chance  

if you see what I mean?


Yes, I like "burble" at the end of the line and was going to put it there, but then I feared you would say I was being too obvious 

No doubt "deep" is a bit ad hoc and one could say I was beating a dead political horse, but one would hardly call a figure of the body politic deep...unless of course one is such a member.

Thanks again for your comments, I'm sure I will take some of them on. I'll have to wait for Tom to tell me where to put the two commas

dale

[Achebe]

the ass brings up the rear....loved that!
I'm not that familiar with American politics, if that's the political angle here....is the ass reference the Democratic party donkey?

[Erthona]

ronsaik,

Thanks for the read.There are a number of references from shallow to deep (as the poem says  Of course the superficial is the speaker thinking so little of his listeners as to tell them to kiss his ass. The ass, or donkey has a long face, and is typically seen as being mournful, or a looser. In this case he could be seen as the losing opponent who of course keeps tabs on those who are also running. However, as this is a pastoral the primary reference, or allusion in this case was to Coleridge's "To  A Young Ass - It's mother being tethered nearby."
In terms of the symbol of the Democratic party being a Donkey, I think it goes without saying that neither party needs any help making an ass of of itself. Consider the title it is certainly a natural conclusion to infer it has something to do with the political party although that was not my overt intention. 

Dale