The Sandman

[Stateofmind]

At the end of the day
When the sun goes down
There is a hush of silence
Swept through the town

The air weighs heavy
As heart do the same
Adults as well as children
Dare not speak his name

Now is the time to turn in
Now is the time for sleep
Now is also the time
For the sandman to creep

If he so chooses
He'll take you away
Or he'll show mercy
And you'll live another day

When you awaken
You find sand in your eye
"Thank God", you say
"He past me by"

[rayheinrich]

01   At the end of the day
02   When the sun goes down
03   There is a hush of silence
04   Swept through the town
05  
06   The air weighs heavy
07   As heart do the same
08   Adults as well as children
09   Dare not speak his name
10  
11   Now is the time to turn in
12   Now is the time for sleep
13   Now is also the time
14   For the sandman to creep
15  
16   If he so chooses
17   He'll take you away
18   Or he'll show mercy
19   And you'll live another day
20  
21   When you awaken
22   You find sand in your eye
23   "Thank God", you say
24  "He past me by"

1-2 Yes, the sun does go down at the end of the day... but surely there's a better way to express this.
3 The logic of " hush of silence" is strained.
3-4 Grammar fault.
7 Grammar fault.
9 Cliché.

If the poem is supposed to consist of anapestic feet, there are many lines that don't scan properly.

The Sandman is usually considered to be a being who brings about sleep and good dreams.
In this poem she/he seems to have been confused with the Grim Reaper.

[Cousin Kil]

Hey stateofmind,

To be honest I'm disappointed by this one, not to say that it's particularly horrid. It's just bland.

I think the idea of the Sandman coming in the night is an intriguing one, so don't give up on it, but the way you've approached it is kinda lackluster.
First off, like Ray, I'm not a fan of the characterization of the Sandman. You've made him out to be a sort of Angel of Death type character, like we have to put lamb blood on the door to keep him from knocking. Now I could buy into that maybe, but you don't really follow through on how that's important or emotive to the reader at all. There needs to be other things to grab onto in the poem as well.

You tell us there's a town at night, but there's no image supplied to go with out. I don't know what the town looks like, and there's nothing else to really hook me into the poem. By the end of it, I've held on to nothing from the poem and I'm not quite sure the piece was worth reading. This is what you don't want your readers to feel like.

This lack of concrete imagery to hold on to is just one of the pratfalls of the piece. There are spots where it gets cliche'd, rhyme scheme doesn't do much for it, and so forth.

I don't want to rip into your poem too hard, and it's not absolutely terrible don't get me wrong, but I would strongly suggest a drastic edit.
The Sandman can be a cool exploration, don't give up on it, just ask yourself what you want us to feel when we read it.

Thanks,
Cousin

[xyroph]

At the end of the day
When the sun goes down
There is a hush of silence
Swept through the town

The first stanza seems like it could be cut down to two lines, it lacks substance.

The air weighs heavy
As heart do the same
Adults as well as children
Dare not speak his name

Why are their hearts heavy? It is like this every night? What sort of town is this?

Now is the time to turn in
Now is the time for sleep
Now is also the time
For the sandman to creep

Redundant declaration of sleep-time, lacking imagery and emotion. How will they sleep? Will they even try to sleep? Where does the sandman come from? Through the cracks in the floor? Under the door?

If he so chooses
He'll take you away
Or he'll show mercy
And you'll live another day

How does he choose? Does he take away bad people, or is he simply reckless and malevolent? Will he drag you kicking and screaming? Will he take you in your sleep? What do his hands feel like?

When you awaken I believe it would be "awake" or "have awoken"
You find sand in your eye 
"Thank God", you say  What do you feel? Do your shoulders sink with relief, or dread? it reads like a script here.
"He past me by" "passed"

I think this piece could really benefit from more clarity, description, and emotion. You're skimming over lines that could be described colorfully, leaving a framework of information that evokes no emotion. Maybe even describe the appearance of the sandman?

 I do like the ending though. I'd love to see a revision of this piece.