Trees

[justlikeyou]

Looking up surprised 
to see, a world made of tree-
blue sky knows them all

[RiverNotch]

A bit wordy. I get the whole 5-7-5 thing, but the wordiness removes the spirit. Remove "made", "to see", "them", and possibly move "surprised" to next line. Also, the turn is somewhat off: I feel, but this might just be me, that the turn is between "surprise" and the rest. Further, "blue sky knows them all" sounds incomplete in thought: that is, I don't think it really says anything meaningful, or at least anything that you're trying to say. Otherwise, real nice, especially with the picture: picture and poem work really well together.

[justlikeyou]

A bit wordy. I get the whole 5-7-5 thing, but the wordiness removes the spirit. Remove "made", "to see", "them", and possibly move "surprised" to next line. Also, the turn is somewhat off: I feel, but this might just be me, that the turn is between "surprise" and the rest. Further, "blue sky knows them all" sounds incomplete in thought: that is, I don't think it really says anything meaningful, or at least anything that you're trying to say. Otherwise, real nice, especially with the picture: picture and poem work really well together.

Thank you. Being as green as green can be in the poetry world, can you explain "turn"? I've heard this a few times now and would like to understand its meaning and importance. Thanks. Rick

[RiverNotch]

I'm not sure if my consideration of what it is is the universal take on it, but what the turn to me is basically the, er, "volta". The big turn of thought, where everything suddenly gets turned upside down, where you either get the big realization or the big surprise. There's a better explanation of it somewhere here, but I don't remember where.

EDIT: Well, something like that. Not exactly like that, mind you, at least for haiku.

[justlikeyou]

I'm not sure if my consideration of what it is is the universal take on it, but what the turn to me is basically the, er, "volta". The big turn of thought, where everything suddenly gets turned upside down, where you either get the big realization or the big surprise. There's a better explanation of it somewhere here, but I don't remember where.

EDIT: Well, something like that. Not exactly like that, mind you, at least for haiku.

I get the jist. Thanks a bunch!