A column of light
broken by streaks of blackness
well-measured,
each interrupting
band a disappointment,
a disease,
a death in the family,
–traces of lead, silver, cinnabar–
with the whole being
just a perfect circle’s arc
pressed and stretched
for the viewer’s convenience.
Not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist –
light is a line, not a wheel,
and the dutiful scientist asks
no questions.
Today must become yesterday as
tomorrow today
and the dates on the calendar transform
into memories, stories
warped for the message,
marks on the line graph.
(I'd returned to this a good four months or so ago, to find that the total revision didn't work, that it was ray's suggestion worked best. Posting this return edit for the sake of another piece I'd just posted, which works as a sort of response to this)
SPECTROPHOTOMETRY
the blue of copper:
a moment
dissolved
diluted
loaded in the pillar, time
the circle pressed and stretched,
hum. Traces
of lead, silver, cinnabar:
a column of light
broken by streaks of blackness, the bands
disappointments
diseases
deaths in the household,
hum. Processing data--
not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist
the dutiful scientist
asks nothing
today becomes yesterday
tomorrow today
yesterday the day before
then last week last month
and beyond
--hum. Presenting
a line graph:
memories, stories
measured in numbers
tested through models
warped for the message,
hum. Ready
Only a matter of time...
A column of light
broken by streaks of blackness
well-measured,
each interrupting
band a disappointment,
a disease,
a death in the family
--traces of lead, silver, cinnabar--
with the whole being
just a perfect circle's arc
pressed and stretched
into this pillar
for the viewer's convenience.
Not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist--
light is a line, not a wheel,
and the dutiful scholar
asks no questions.
Today must become yesterday, as
tomorrow becomes today,
and the dates on the calendar transform
into memories, stories
warped for the message,
marks on the line graph.
So our tests on experience
yield no statistically relevant results.
Try again,
if you can.
I'm not certain but are you referring to spectroscopy? If so I can't really relate the first stanza to the second. What is goal with using spectroscopy (if that is what you are talking about) as your overarching metaphor?
(10-10-2015, 02:09 AM)kefta4ever Wrote: I'm not certain but are you referring to spectroscopy? If so I can't really relate the first stanza to the second. What is goal with using spectroscopy (if that is what you are talking about) as your overarching metaphor?
"Spectrophotometry is a method to measure how much a chemical substance absorbs light by measuring the intensity of light as a beam of light passes through sample solution. The basic principle is that each compound absorbs or transmits light over a certain range of wavelength." (internet)
"Spectroscopy /spɛkˈtrɒskəpi/ is the study of the interaction between matter and electromagnetic radiation. Historically, spectroscopy originated through the study of visible light dispersed according to its wavelength, by a prism." (internet)
The Soufflé isn’t the soufflé; the soufflé is the recipe. --Clara
A column of light
broken by streaks of blackness I read this as how the instrument operates and as such I am interested as to were this is going
well-measured, is this relevant ?
each interrupting
band a disappointment, odd line break surely after band ?
a disease,
a death in the family ok so you are comparing the way it works to lifes ups and downs
--traces of lead, silver, cinnabar--
with the whole being
just a perfect circle's arc I assume this is the output display
pressed and stretched
into this pillar what pillar we cant see this ?
for the viewer's convenience.
Not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist--
light is a line, not a wheel,
and the dutiful scholar
asks no questions. Sorry I dont understand were this has gone
Today must become yesterday, as
tomorrow becomes today,
and the dates on the calendar transform
into memories, stories
warped for the message, what message
marks on the line graph. The graph signifies the passage of time ?
So our tests on experience
yield no statistically relevant results.
Try again, put the past behind you move on ?
if you can.
This analogy is quite hard to pull off and your comparisons have been over shadowed by the descriptions of the machine my suggestion would be to have a good think about what message you want the reader to take away from your poem and make sure this is the strongest of the themes, cut back any info that is surplus or unfounded if you make a reference to something then make sure the reader also has a point of reference. If this was too much for mild I apologize but I know how frustrating it can be to have the poem in your head making perfect sense without it making it to the page. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
A column of light
broken by streaks of blackness
well-measured,
each interrupting
band a disappointment,
a disease,
a death in the family
--traces of lead, silver, cinnabar--
with the whole being
just a perfect circle's arc
pressed and stretched
into this pillar
for the viewer's convenience.
Not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist--
light is a line, not a wheel,
and the dutiful scholar
asks no questions.
Today must become yesterday, as
tomorrow becomes today,
and the dates on the calendar transform
into memories, stories
warped for the message,
marks on the line graph.
So our tests on experience
yield no statistically relevant results.
Try again,
if you can.
I'd eliminate the last four lines as this summation dilutes an otherwise "absorbing" poem.
Logically cohesive poems, especially ones using scientific metaphors, are difficult to write.
While the potential audience is narrowed to those either knowledgeable of the material or
willing to spend the time (GIYF) to learn it, the complexity of the beauty is well worth it.
A deeply effective and affecting poem,
Ray
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Thanks for the responses! This poem details a very personal viewpoint, so the speaker here is my actual, not-just-for-the-confessional-cred idea of myself, but of course, if I meant this to be just a good old purging, I wouldn't have posted this here -- anyway, I'm noting this because the following response at a certain part conflates the speaker I and the writer I, so a bit of discretion is advised. And so--
Well, spectrophotometry is essentially a more specific part of spectroscopy, but I'm more familiar with how spectrophotometry itself works (as in, the procedures and all that biz -- the specifics of the actual physics, I'm not too deep into) than with, well, other spectroscopic methods. Basically, it's spectroscopy but with more visible wavelengths. Anyway--
This does bank a good deal on the reader's knowledge of how spectrophotometry generally works, though I admit that I got (or rather, put in) a lot of the details rather wrong. But before that, I must note that the poem does have a, er, structure, thus the somewhat awkward line breaks: almost every line has an odd number of syllables. It doesn't really come through in the sound, but I thought it was a fair, if mild, way of playing with the idea of science mathematically restricting us -- I'll probably do away with it. Now then--
On the first few lines: generally, that's how it operates. Now, if my memory serves me right, spectrophotometry works by measuring the amount of light and the wavelengths of light that passes through a substance in an instrument -- certain materials exhibit different interactions with light, so that they absorb certain wavelengths and let through most others. This is generally visualized as a spectrum "broken by streaks of blackness", though I forget if it's the streaks of blackness that is the light absorbed or not -- however, the instrument itself shows a line graph, plus a bunch of numbers like absorbance, transmittance, and others I forget. Essentially, yes, the poem compares measuring life to how the machine works, though it also very very subtly criticizes empirical thought, at least as a process through which life itself must be measured -- the poem's born out of my growing resentment at science.
After "traces" down to the last line of the second stanza: I do consider those to be problem lines, too. They deal with the ideas to be fully elaborated on by the second stanza, so, at least to me, they seem rather out of place -- in fact, the "pillar" there was supposed to be the cuvette, the glass container where the substance put in is to be measured, but obviously that's not what it now refers to.
On the next stanza: at that point, I'm just interchanging the ideas of time, light, and the matter being measured, and the poem I think is clear enough on what I think on those. The "message" is ultimately the purpose of the whole experiment; and yes, the graph also signifies so. This part might need a bit more support from the earlier stanza, though, in order to be clearer.
On the very first and the last four lines: yes, those even felt rather tacked-on when I first wrote this. I'll probably just remove them.
And now, the new edit. This is in no way close to finished, if I considered this alone: this just crystallizes the poem as the whole extended metaphor thing, for the sake of, I hope, easier comprehension. The aforementioned criticism of empirical thought does not, I think, show in this one as much, and the structure of the poem doesn't seem to have the same kind of force as the earlier. The hold of the syllabic structure has also been loosened, though for the most part it looks like it's still there. Oh well.
Or, to put this all frankly, yes I meant spectrophotometry specifically, and for the most part I agree with the critiques. Thus, I ran the poem through one, and voila, but since part of the voice is lost with this edit, I'll probably remix the parts again. Probably--My judgement's still unsure, so I'll bank more on your feedback.
the blue of copper:
a moment
dissolved
diluted
loaded in the pillar, time
the circle pressed and stretched,
hum. Traces
of lead, silver, cinnabar:
a column of light
broken by streaks of blackness, the bands
disappointments
diseases
deaths in the household,
hum. Processing data--
not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist
the dutiful scientist
asks nothing
today becomes yesterday
tomorrow today
yesterday the day before
then last week last month
and beyond Love the suggestion of backward movement in time.
--hum. Presenting
a line graph:
memories, stories
measured in numbers
tested through models
warped for the message,
hum. Ready
Only a matter of time...
Aha! This reveal mirrors the processing of a scientific test, evokes the development of film negative into photograph.
A column of light
broken by streaks of blackness
well-measured,
each interrupting
band a disappointment,
a disease,
a death in the family
--traces of lead, silver, cinnabar--
with the whole being
just a perfect circle's arc
pressed and stretched
into this pillar
for the viewer's convenience.
Not even
the subtlest implication
of the circle must exist--
light is a line, not a wheel,
and the dutiful scholar
asks no questions.
Today must become yesterday, as
tomorrow becomes today,
and the dates on the calendar transform
into memories, stories
warped for the message,
marks on the line graph.
So our tests on experience
yield no statistically relevant results.
Try again,
if you can.
This reads as a meditation on incorporating traumatic events into one's identity. If spectrophotometry is the measurement of the amount of light passing through a given material, might this be a commentary on the amount of truth the scientist allows to pass into how they portray themselves?
