< some day the sun will >

[rayheinrich]

    some day the sun will -
    but for now
    the moon is

[Lizzie]

I love this Ray. I like the being verb with the moon -- the tension between steadiness with the reality of the moon's motion. Portraying the moon as a season of life, instead of the usual spring, summer, fall, winter. I like.

Maybe add "be" to the end of the first line to mirror the end of the third line?

[rayheinrich]

some day the sun will -
   but for now
   the moon is

I love this Ray. I like the being verb with the moon -- the tension between steadiness with the reality of the moon's motion.
Portraying the moon as a season of life, instead of the usual spring, summer, fall, winter. I like.

Maybe add "be" to the end of the first line to mirror the end of the third line?

I was assuming that both the sun and the moon exist, the comparison is between the sun's future actions
and the moon's present existence. It's a bit of a Zen koan: Comparing the illusion of the future (and the past as well)
with being in the present. Placing the sun or the moon -- and even more so both of them -- in a poem cannot help but call
up a few hundred metaphors or so. There's no controlling where the reader's mind will go, and that's exactly my intention.

[billy]

I like how the thing fits the readers frame of mind/vision; any number of words could be use to end complete, yet seemingly incomplete lines. I'm reminded of grasshopper in Kung fu, just place "yes grasshopper" as the title, which I realise can't be done. The thought of it did make me smile though.

[rayheinrich]

        the sun shines there as well
        because
        i'm mooning you