09-18-2015, 03:48 AM
This is a song I wrote recently, in hip-hop the most important thing is sonics, the 2nd most important is content (though some might argue content is 1st). Give me your feedback, I'd like this to be scrutinized and critiqued hard from some true poets.
Visions of me gettin',
Hit in my home vivid,
Open the do' get in
where you fit in. Get it?
Livid over dividends, visions
of my former friends visit
me in my dreams, serve fiends
of the medi-cal, benefi-shal
fsho! Been a moment since I spoke
to you God been thinkin cold
been thinkin wrong been thinkin
how I'm gonna make it tonight?
Like can I make it through the night
without these thoughts of suicide,
Here, take my life Dear God,
Save me from the strife,
Save me from the prison of my own device,
Save me from the plight of man
to take me from this barren land yo I write,
Thank you for your insight,
and the ability to sight,
Proper sites to place my cites in-
trovertedly outro to me-
originally I was Extra! Extra!
See all about it,
Now it's vexes, hexes,
Sex effects is the man with the lexus,
Only to get em wet shit.
Love and affection
Shit we fail to mention
Lettin' yo erection
Give you yo direction
Said Love and affection
Shit we fail to mention
God will you bless them
Give em your direction
I admit it I fit in the category.
I admit it I hit it an left a story.
I admit it I did it just for the glory
I was horny not to mention life is boring
So baby show me a good time an I'll show you mine,
Leave you early in the morning
When you find out I was lyin' you up cryin'- karma crime,
Don't you worry baby you gon' be jus fine
Foresee it comin' I'm runnin' up outta time
A tip to those conniving muthafuckas
Playin for tricks and not for keeps,
One day you gon' look back see her face an think,
Oh, what did I do?
What did I lose?
Oh what can I say to show her my views?
Can't tell her nothin' dude
Try to hit her with a text? dude
She already moved onlong gone to the next
Laughin' like, check my ex
Cuz' she knows how the outcome goes
It's like,
Nothin' comes from somethin'
Somethin' comes from nothin'
An' I got mine so need for stuntin'
No need to say goodbye when you ova' here frontin'
Love and affection
Love and affection
Dear God will you bless em
Dear God will you bless em
Visions of me gettin',
Hit in my home vivid,
Open the do' get in
where you fit in. Get it?
Livid over dividends, visions
of my former friends visit
me in my dreams, serve fiends
of the medi-cal, benefi-shal
fsho! Been a moment since I spoke
to you God been thinkin cold
been thinkin wrong been thinkin
how I'm gonna make it tonight?
Like can I make it through the night
without these thoughts of suicide,
Here, take my life Dear God,
Save me from the strife,
Save me from the prison of my own device,
Save me from the plight of man
to take me from this barren land yo I write,
Thank you for your insight,
and the ability to sight,
Proper sites to place my cites in-
trovertedly outro to me-
originally I was Extra! Extra!
See all about it,
Now it's vexes, hexes,
Sex effects is the man with the lexus,
Only to get em wet shit.
Love and affection
Shit we fail to mention
Lettin' yo erection
Give you yo direction
Said Love and affection
Shit we fail to mention
God will you bless them
Give em your direction
I admit it I fit in the category.
I admit it I hit it an left a story.
I admit it I did it just for the glory
I was horny not to mention life is boring
So baby show me a good time an I'll show you mine,
Leave you early in the morning
When you find out I was lyin' you up cryin'- karma crime,
Don't you worry baby you gon' be jus fine
Foresee it comin' I'm runnin' up outta time
A tip to those conniving muthafuckas
Playin for tricks and not for keeps,
One day you gon' look back see her face an think,
Oh, what did I do?
What did I lose?
Oh what can I say to show her my views?
Can't tell her nothin' dude
Try to hit her with a text? dude
She already moved onlong gone to the next
Laughin' like, check my ex
Cuz' she knows how the outcome goes
It's like,
Nothin' comes from somethin'
Somethin' comes from nothin'
An' I got mine so need for stuntin'
No need to say goodbye when you ova' here frontin'
Love and affection
Love and affection
Dear God will you bless em
Dear God will you bless em